The cat palace is never in the same place twice, so you won’t find it try as you might. Even if you could, the doors for customers are too small for humans to enter. In fact, humans are only allowed to enter through the back, where they are required to set up stock for no more than an hour a day and disappear from sight before the real customers come in.

The cat palace is stocked with treats and goodies that would make any kitty’s eyes light up. From tuna snacks, to feather toys, to cherry-scented sherbet shampoo that’s specially formulated for their fur, the cat palace offers it all. The cats sneak away from home through holes in the walls and open doors, stealthily make their way to the cat palace and enter after meowing a secret code that periodically changes. Once their orders are complete, cats can return home with their treasures, this time laden down with goodies in tiny packs that they wear on their bodies.

Although it might seem tricky for both staff and customers to trade money for goods, especially when you consider that neither has opposable thumbs, the cats make it work every day. Besides, these fuzzy creatures are all about the some. Many cats head to the cat palace simply to socialize with friends and strangers. From housecat to alleycat to wildcat, all cats are welcomed at the cat palace.

And once they’re there, they can enjoy images of birds and rodents on screens, play with toys, climb trees and jump between shelves, and relax by giving each other massages or baths. The cat palace is at once a spa, a store, and an amusement park. No human institution is as fun or crucial to happiness for humans as the cat palace is to cats. Even if something like this existed, it would fail to achieve the luxury and harmony exhibited by the cat palace.

So the next time you’re not sure where Simon or Smokey or Max is, they could be at the cat palace having the time of their lives!

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While Phantom remains curiously aloof with other people, we have a strong bond. In fact, my roommate has never even heard him purr. If you visit, he’s friendly. He’ll come right up, smell you out and then promptly leave when he’s figured you out. There’s no doubt that he’s a smartypants. There’s a reason why he looks so intelligent and I always describe his cunning and his badassery.

Yes, I’m still talking about a cat.

He is mentally and physically at the top of his game, boys and girls.

But, behind the bedroom door, he is Mr. Cuddlepants, a little boy who loves his mommy and shows it in a very specific way.

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• Fish eat less than cats.
• They do not chew on plastic.
• They do not make sounds.
• I don’t have to clean out a litter box.
• They don’t walk all over your person.
• Or yawn in your face.
• Or chew/scratch your body.
• Or scratch at carpet.
• Fish take up less room.
• Fish don’t climb doorways.
• Fish don’t bang their food dishes when they’re hungry; they just die.

These are the reasons I should get a fish if you ignore the fact that fish are stupid  pets. Insted, I have these:

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