Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Sep 11

You Learn A Lot About Your Friends..

..when the cops show up at your door.

So, last night I had went to bed sometime between 5 and 6 PM. I had been up for 24 hours, so I hit the hay after my best friend left. I wasn’t asleep for more than an hour when someone began banging on my window. I figured it was some drunk asshole who was locked out. I am not the doorman, so I was going to yell at him through the window when he identified him as Wausau PD and asked if I could open the door, which I did.

Upon opening the door, I saw a young officer who didn’t look all that different from Glenn from The Walking Dead. As I am letting him in, he asks for apartment number 2. That’s me, and I am thoroughly perplexed and not quite awake. He tells me to get my keys and step outside. I do and I inquire as to WTF is going on. Two other cops come around, and the whole lot of them was really quite good looking.

Office Glenn-from-the-walking-dead tells me that they got a call from a woman whose niece, Brenda, called her saying that her mom was going to hurt herself. Obviously, this doesn’t pertain to me.  They asked to see my apartment, and I showed them. It was all over in less than 5 minutes and they were leaving.

It had disturbed my sleep, though, I just had to tell everyone. The story only gets better based on the replies that I received from my friends.

  • One friend said I should have told the hot cops I was hiding drugs “but you have to find them” to get frisked.
  • Another thought that the story was leading to stripping cops
  • A third said at least I got a good story about it

I mean, it’s true. It’s an interesting story. Weird enough to blog  about. Sadly, there was no stripping or frisking. But here’s a photo of Channing Tatum.

No Stripper Cops HEre

No Stripper Cops HEre

 

Also, yesterday was Suicide Prevention Day, so I really hope that Brenda’s mom is okay.


Jun 08

How To Shop For Cole

I have been informed, on multiple occasions, that I am hard to shop for. Still, I run into things that are so obviously me every once in a while that I don’t know how others can’t look at these things and scream “Oh em gee. Like, I must totally get that for Cole.” Maybe they’re just not finding these things to begin with? I have no idea. Whatever. I’ve created this handy little guide to shopping for me so that the gifts you give me in the future don’t suck. You’re welcome.

Does it have LEDs?

Yes -> Looking good.

No -> Tread carefully.

 

Is it red or purple?

Yes -> Getting Closer

No -> Yellow sucks, dude.

 

Is it heart shaped?

Yes -> You’re doing well.

No -> Cole wuvs hearts )=

 

Does it pay homage to Mario, HTML, computers or other geekery?

Yes -> Hot, hot hot!

No > Meh

 

Is it fucking adorable?

Yes -> Good

Yes, just like Cole -> Aww, I love you.

No -> Go back a space.

 

Is it related to cats?

Yes -> Dude, just stop.

No -> Thank for not pigeonholing me.

Does it have a circuit board?

Yes > Cool

Yes, it is a circuit board -> Buy that shit now!

No -> Well, maybe

 

Is it under $20?

Yes -> Buy that shit.

No -> Spend less. I feel guilty.

 

Still need help?

Yes -> That’s okay. Try here or here.

No -> Awesome!


May 12

Ode to Carrie Underwood

I love Carrie Underwood

She makes me feel so good

She’s been through hell it’s understood

I’d treat her like the world should

 

She’s like an angel sent from above

I’ll shower her with unending love

and when we fight we’ll quickly make up

because I know she’s been through enough

 

I’ll always be faithful and sweet

even massage her aching feet,

she would make my life complete

and my heart skip a beat

 

I don’t care about money or fame

she’d be my eternal flame

no one’s ever made me feel the same

 

She’s talented and gorgeous too

that’s nothing she can’t do

I wouldn’t ever be untrue

Carrie Underwood is better than you


Feb 09

Shit I Said Last Night

  • i always get perverted when i’m crying
  • lebanese men are delicious especially the little ones
  • someone should put him (obama) out
  • i think my face is the wrong size
  • i don’t like dildo rape COMMA terminator COMMA megatron
  • It was dericious
  • Don’t dwink a dwum full of wum

 

Shit others said about me:

 

cole gets really racist when she drinks water #keepthembitchesinline

 

As some point I decided I needed to fuck a bartender for the benefits. Apparently I turned purple when the waitress startled me. She later said she’d have to give me a time limit on my drinks in the future.

Yea, good times.


Skip to toolbar