The Adventerous Saga of Jack

Not so very long ago, a girl named Cole desired a teddy bear for a festive winter holiday known as Christmas. She searched high and low for a bear that was friendly and soft, cuddly and cute until she found her heart’s desire. Unfortunately, a horrible monster called Outofstock would not let poor Cole have her desire. Day and night it stalked pages of the internet, refusing to give way until, finally it was defeated by a brave warrior known as Instock.

Cole was elated when this happened and told her tall, dark and handsome protector of her desire and although he consented, he was far too busy with more pressing matters to fetch the bear. Cole was lonely and sad at this turn of events and it prompted her to take action.

Cole wrote him an e-mail:

Dear Sir or Madame,
My name is Frost, Jack Frost. I am blue, fuzzy and approximately 15 inches tall. Don’t let my name get you wrong, I can keep you warm on a cold winter’s night and I am a GREAT cuddler!

“Why is Jack writing me?” you might ask yourself! Well, I will tell you, my friend. I am seeking a new home, a warm, comfortable home with a loving family whom I can love and spend many long days (and nights). I want to be held and hugged and I want to help people when they feel blue because I know what it’s like to be blue!

If you know a someone who could use a bear like me, please click this link to help a friend in need. Your kindness will not go unappreciated or unnoticed. For a low, one-time price of $89.95 American dollars, you can save a life and bring a smile to someone’s face!

So, please, friend, click this link now! Don’t wait. We need you!

Sincerely,
Jack

Cole thought herself clever until she read his reply.

Sorry, don’t know anyone who could use a bear like you. Try craigslist.

He had outwitted Cole but she would not give up. She pestered him incessantly for days but his replies were only scathing judgments made on Jack, a bear who “stalks” and inappropriately “hits on” men. In jest, he feigned fear of Jack, wonder how he could have appropriated the e-mail address.

This play went on for several days until he noted that Jack’s stalking behaviour had further increased – Jack now had ahold of his other e-mail addresses and was sending e-mails threatening to visit him. These e-mails said the “bear was on his journey.”

Cole was further elated until he began threatening Jack. Jack would be destroyed and defeated before Jack would be allowed to replace Cole’s protector. Jack had his sights on Cole and was evil. He meant to sneak into Cole’s life and blind her by his cute and blue fuzziness.

But Cole knows her protector will be a good boy and deliver to her a lovely blue bear named Jack. Or else!