I remembered 5-10 years ago when I was apart of countless forums where web design was all the rage. To me, to everyone, it seemed like the future was limitless and that we could do anything we wanted. Back then, being able to successfully call an image or make a link was cause for excitement. And I was hooked. So I took a bite of the possibilities and hopped on the blog train before they weren’t considered anything different than journals. I had affiliates, I made fanlistings and cliques and joined webrings and, for the most part, still maintain much of that. I made my own forums on Delphi. I dived in head first.

Then I took some time to weed out what it was I really wanted to do. I stepped away from cartoon dolls and trying to have my own forums. I slowly weened the list of projects to the ones I cared about the most and, of course, this site was always at the top of that list. I spent hours working on content which was all the rage. I looked up HTML help and tricks and CSS guides and Javascripts and shortcuts and includes and colour charts. I commented and linked and associated with very similar people with very similar sites. At that time, Web2.0 was far in the distance, everything was graphic intensive (and, usually, beautiful) and everyone and their dog had a site. We were all still learning and making mistakes together.

Then, something happened. Maybe people grew up. Maybe we just got to a point where we could comfortably do what we wanted without learning much more or anything more. I know I’ve been there for a while. I could make new themes, add new content and continue doing things the way I’ve been doing them without learning anything new. It feels kind of stagnant. Back then, I learned basic HTML, I learned tables, then frames, then divs then increased my understanding of CSS and it seemed like progression was obvious and logical but now I don’t know where I’d go even if I wanted to. I suppose PHP is the future and I’d gleaned some information here and there, especially using WordPress, but it doesn’t thrill me the way learning something new used to.

There’s not really anyone else whose thrilled either. I definitely think we all fed off the excitement of the group and it encouraged us to do more, go bigger. It’s harder to keep up the frenzy when you’re alone in it. But there’s this general trend of folks getting on with their lives and the internet just doesn’t play as big a part of that anymore. There’s school and work and families and stuff I have somehow managed to avoid and now I’m a remnant of something that will probably never come back and I miss it.

Of course, there’s people left who are still trudging on but now that the internet has made the transition to 2.0, I find myself alienated by the new trends. There is no inspiration for me anywhere; I do not want to do what people are doing and, even if I did, what they’re doing doesn’t feel remarkable the way everything used to feel. I guess I’m just not a big fan of function over form.

Man, I write all these posts where I am nostalgic for the past, especially when it comes to the internet. I’m not that old; how does that even work?

If you know me, then you probably know most of my dreams are strange. Every night, without fail. Today was no exception. I dreamt I was watching Family Matters but it was the later season. Some of the characters had been switched to white actors. Eddie was trying to get a sex change and his partner was one of Jaleel White’s strange characters. The younger sister had been raped and murdered. Insert more swapping of actors and, yea. Strange.

First off, there’s a new featured link for you to check out. I advise you do it, now. Now, on to the show.

I do a lot of things online. I have several sites, I participate at forums, I play games, I chat, I work with icons, I check Facebook/Myspace periodically, I write reviews, I roleplay and I enter giveaways just to give you a brief rundown. The funny thing is, there isn’t a whole lot of overlap in all these things. I sort of compartmentalize all my interests and only discuss the vast array of them with a few “priviliged” invidividuals.

For instance, I may IM people I know from real life, forums or chat but they’re all very different and separate groups. I may talk about my blogs on those forums and via IM but I don’t bring them up in chat. I’ve been apart of the same general chat community for a decade now and I make icons but aside from my icon site, don’t discuss my blogs. Furthermore, I rarely discuss my icons or icon site to anyone outside of that community.

I play games with Ryan and friends and participate in very specific communities for those games but not in gaming communities/forums/chat overall. I’ve always felt like I play MapleStory or Mario Kart but I’m not really a gamer. I also don’t tend to mention icons, blogs, reviews et cetera when playing games. I only make the briefest of mentions of those games to my general communities, too.

Meanwhile, I roleplay and that is completely separate from everything else.

Of course, my reviews and blogging tend to go hand in hand, especially now that I have a review site. Plus, it’s semi related to giveaway hopping as I’m hosting my own and sort of use entering as a way to spread the link to my review site (when I remember) but it’s not a readily apparent connection at first.

And, unless you click through to my blogs from status updates on Myspace of Facebook, you’d never realize how involved I am with the internet. I don’t know what it means or if it’s good or bad but it does sometimes feel like I have to flip a switch and go into “review mode” or “blogging mode” or “chatting mode” and leave the other interests at the door. Perhaps I simply have too much on my plate or is that how everyone does it?

So, if all is quiet on this front it’s likely not because I’m not doing anything. In fact, the opposite is true. I’m probably working on other projects, participating in communities and forums across the net, playing gamings and writing dozens of reviews. They’re just not relevant to the way I see this blog. Unless you want to hear crazy chat adventures and listen to my go on about giveaways, which I guess I can. In the meantime, here’s some cats.

For whatever reason, random body parts are all sensitive right now. My lips even feel a little funny. I know it’s probably related to the fact that I’m a female with all the parts that entails but I really have never been all the observant when it comes to my own body; things on the outside are an entirely different story, though. Some women notice the slightest thing and know it’s right on time with their cycle. They recognize that seemingly unrelated issues like a headache could be due to hormone balance but I was never that way. I never had any idea where I am in my cycle.

It’s not just that; I’m pretty oblivious to things unrelated to having a uterus. I don’t really pay attention to how food or medicine affects me. The only thing I do tend to notice is how I feel when I need sleep (cranky, hot) or when the weather is extreme. I guess I don’t always put two and two together when it comes to my own body because I’m too busy paying attention to other things. It amazes me how well other people do know their bodies but I have more important things to do.

I realize, that despite the age difference that makes you nearly a decade my senior, you don’t have the maturity to be in a healthy relationship. You, on the other hand, do not seem to realize that. Perhaps that is why you decided to string a good friend of mine along for over a year and then break up with her, without even telling her. Yea, thanks a lot.

And perhaps it isn’t even my place to say anything (but, hey, it’s my blog asshole) but I’ve been listening to her issues about your relationship for damned near a year. In my book, that’s long enough to wait for you to pull your head out of your ass and work on your shortcomings. So what I don’t understand is how you even have the balls to break up with her when you’re the one who should be wallowing in self pity after a particularly eye-opening dumping.

Without further ado, here is a list of things you need to work on in order to be successful in a relationship. Otherwise, your future endeavors will soon find themselves following the footsteps of your ex-wife and my close friend and not because of lack of trying on their parts. Wake up or, yes, you won’t ever find someone.

Learn how to communicate (Listen up, moron).

Seriously. Learn how to listen to people and hear what they’re saying or have them clarify without throwing everything through your stupid “I’m a man” filter. Then, learn how to tell other people how you feel. I’m pretty sure “I’m breaking up with you” falls into this category.

Prioritize your time (Get a fucking PDA).

You don’t need to please everyone or help everyone or do everything. You need to figure out what’s most important and dedicate sufficient time to those things and people. Working to earn a living? Important. Spending time with your loved ones? Important. Fixing everyone else’s shit? Not so important. The sooner you learn, the better. Otherwise, you’ll just wind up hurting those you care about. Furthermore, your friends and family are sick of you being so damned undependable.

Get over yourself (Now!).

Why should others make time for or care about you when you won’t return the favour? Don’t expect people to sympathize over your situation when you don’t give a crap about theirs. The double standards suck.

Take responsibility (Grow the fuck up).

Relationships are a two way road and if they’re not working, changes are both people need to step it up. You need to make an effort to recognize problems and continue making an effort to minimize them for life of the relationship, if not the rest of your life. Relationships take work and before you can do said work, you have to take responsibility for your share.

These four steps may not be simple or easy but they will help you have a healthy relationship with people. Once you can see beyond yourself, you can see why others have issues with you. Taking responsibility for your roles in those issues and resolving them will be so much easier when you learn how to listen and speak effectively. Unfortunately, this is a lifelong process that never ends. If you’re not up for it, kill yourself.

At the very least, stop fucking my friends around with your shortsighted childishness.

Sincerely,
Cole