hearing: Heather Nova – Gloomy Sunday
feeling: tired/horny/sore
wanting: Rian

So I talked to Randy yesterday, and it really was him. We discussed how Patricia stole his MSN account, how their marriage was doomed from the getgo, an “incident” and he confessed the both of them to have their psycho “moments.” It seems they’re both victims and criminals to themselves and eachother. Sad. People do deserve happiness but no one said marriage – or life, for that face – was easy.

Onto another topic, something has piqued my interest in BDSM and D/s again so I’ll probably be spending more time focusing on that and hopefully expanding my knowledge and myself as an individual.

Have a few layout ideas but i’m currently working on the sex section. Time flies more when I work on the site than during any other internet activity so it takes a lot of motivation for me to sit down and work on a few pages. Plus, it’s difficult to organize my thoughts.

The fair is in town and I want to go to a few concerts plus attend wristband day on Sunday which will work out since I have Saturday off.

Rian is now in Japan and I miss him already! I hope communication isn’t too severely severed but I guess we’ll see. )=

Another cashier at work has been telling people about “Poor Nicole” who just married and her husband is “so mean” to her. -lmfao* Poor abused me, eh? I think she just misunderstood when I was talking about Tim being an asshole but, still, she has no right to talk about my personal life amongst others, especially at work and when I work with family members, who knows what will travel at the speed of sound. I’ll try to talk to her tonight, if she’s working.

anyway, I’m tired and since one of the concerts I want to see is tonight, I should sleep.

I might make references to names and places with which/whom you are not familiar but this will probably be a pretty interesting read, so keep going anyway.

Today I recieved an IM from Randy, my ‘ex’ with whom I rarely speak. Why the quotes (which aren’t even quotes?) It was simply an internet thing and while it may have lasted some time, I eventually wisened up. Afterall, being 16 and writing to your boyfriend in prison just doesn’t look good on a resume. He was older, I was smitten. He gave me all of ihs attention and affections and nothing I did could be wrong.

In reality, he was desperate and I was flattered. I thought it was love but realized it wasn’t when he was locked up and cuold no longer give me what I wanted. I ended it and it was difficult because I’d never done that before but I went on, eventually to meet my husband and Randy and I talked infrequently – 1 or 2 phone calls and a few IM’s.

This was up until a couple months ago when he IM’d me. He told me he was getting married and I was nothing but happy for him because everyone deserves the right to be happy, don’t they? A few weeks later he was married and we chatted, or so I thought.

To make a long story short, much (possibly all?) of the time I was chatting with him I was chatting with his wife, Patricia who was pretending to be him because she wanted information. At first, I thought she was just jealous and psycho, as I’d heard from Randy’s and my mutual friends, but I learned otherwise.

She was seeking the truth because she was udner the impression that I have Randy’s twins because.. he told her so. I tried to explain just how impossible that would have been (we’d never met and I was still a virgin until Rian >_>). I did, probably exactly what she expected me to do, and denied everything. Finally, I told her she needed to sort things out with him because they wouldn’t have a happy marriage if they werent honest with eachother.

Now for today: He IM’s but, per usual, it’s her. Trying to be a do gooder, I tell “him” that his wife thinks I have his kids and he needs to tell her the truth because I don’t and I shouldn’t be involved in this drama. This is when “he” comes out and tells me it’s really her, she doesn’t know the truth and they’re getting divorced because of all the lies and because he tried to choke her.

Jesus fucking Christ, man. Hindsight really offers a new vantage point? That could’ve been me! I am so very lucky that I got out of that and ended it, even when he begged me not to. I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes.

Funny how life works out, isn’t it?

I’m emo and sad
emo and sad
i feel so bad
I’m emo and sad
screamo and sad!
you were the best i ever had
and now you’re gone
so I’m emo and sad
emo and sad
screamo and sad!
there was a guy who said
that i gave bad head
the worst he ever had
so now I’m emo and sad
emo and sad

Cat, dog, bird or hog
if you wanna get with ’em you’re gunna get with ’em
they say love is blind
that’s for sure this time
species don’t mean a thing

You say species don’t mean a thing
they say you don’t know what you’re doing
but you’re not listening

your last boyfriend was a purebred horse
but all the fur you didn’t stop you of course
on the outside he was coarse
but he was also hung like a…

You say species don’t mean a thing
they say you don’t know what you’re doing
but you’re not listening

Some people say you’re crazy even though you think you’re fine
it’s not to obvious to you that you’re crossing the line
you’re too busy with another of those swine

You say species don’t mean a thing
they say you don’t know what you’re doing
but you’re not listening

feeling: silly

another penguin wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn

One day I was walking down the street and then
i heard a cat call from a mighty fine penguin
i knew this was only a game i could win
so we went and got a room at the holiday inn

another penguins wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn

these days that penguin’s out the door
but ive seen seven more!
some people call more a whore
at least my job aint a chore

another penguin wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn

well 38 and four fifths penguins later, i had an std
i knew sooner or later a penguin would lie to me
didnt have time to ask how this could be
the doctor also told me to expect a baby

another penguin wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn

but now, i’m all alone
ain’t got no place to go home
next time another penguin wants my body
i’ll surely tell him no

another penguin wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn