Life is just, like, this thing. Fleeting and fragile. Terrible and ridiculous and better than you could ever imagine.

And you get no say in whether you have to deal with life, what you get dealt or when it’s going to end.

It’s just so overwhelming ,you know?

But life, I don’t know, man. We’re here and it seems like the only logical way to deal with it is to enjoy the fuck out of it.

If you don’t, I’m not sure I can consider you sane. That’s not politically correct, but it would be crazy to be anything other than happy when it takes just as much effort to be miserable.

Maybe I’ll change my mind when I’m dealt another bad card or have to deal with a struggle I didn’t see coming, but for now, I’m just going to live life.

Summer is rapidly coming to an end, and although I feel like I’ve been incredibly busy, I haven’t done much to write home about. I spent a weekend in Milwaukee, but haven’t gone to any cons. There’s been a few day trips, some game nights, many long walks with friends, Pokemon Go playing and eating out. It was all fun. There was laughter all around, but nothing stands out.

Perhaps that’s because I’ve been doing so much of it. I am currently in the midst of being the most extroverted I’ve ever been. It’s awesome but so very weird.

I recognize that being able to socialize with people, both en masse and so frequently, without needing to head home and check out for several days or hours is directly related to my anxiety being at an all-time low. I can’t argue that this is a bad thing. It’s really quite wonderful.

But it’s weird that I can more easily talk to strangers and feel more comfortable in certain spaces. That I can meet up with new people with minimal anxiety and spend hours socializing without feeling the need to end it is amazing. I’ve spent a lot of days with multiple social interactions, something that would’ve been highly unlikely if not impossible a few years ago. It does have me questioning whether my introversion was something that stood on its own of or if it’s something of a side effect of my anxiety.

A few weeks ago, I assumed that I would eventually feel more anxious and introverted  and that all would come crashing down, but while I have a hectic schedule, I seem to have found some balance. I’m not so worried about the other shoe dropping.

Although, I still do enjoy and feel energized by my down time, it’s not as necessary as it once was. In fact, I need to remind myself sometimes to do other things that I enjoy that have taken a back seat to socializing. This weekend I plan to play video games, take walks, catching up on blogging and read.. all by myself. Not having any work until Monday certainly makes this easy. Of course, I’ve already seen friends and added other things to my schedule, but I never realized how many hours were in a day until I paused from filling them all up.

So, you know, if you want to do something, I’m probably down.

My weirdo friend from across the state who plays Little Big Planet with me and answers all my questions about Pokemon and tells me that my butt is nice.

That is all.

And I’m not even talking about the server issues, which make it hard to disconnect, or how I run across Rattata more than any other Pokemon. I understand that the former is bound to happen after a game launch, and the latter actually makes sense because I play in town. But there are some issues stemming from poor design and lack of in-depth testing that make the game frustrating.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still play it anyway. It makes my walks more interesting. It’s a good way to meet people. It’s fun to learn.. and this is the first Pokemon game I’ve ever played, so there’s a lot to catch up on! Plus, I was feeling a little burned out with Ingress, so Pokemon Go is a nice break.

If I can ignore these quirks, that is.

Think it takes a simple scroll to see the rest of this Pokemon’s info? Think again!

1. No Tutorial

In the beginning of the game, you learn how to use Pokestops in a minimal fashion. There’s no information about how to take over a gym or upgrade a gym owned by your team. Plus, you lean little about eggs and incubation or transferring extra Pokemon that you don’t need to the professor. Now, the game isn’t overly complicated, but it’s needlessly frustrating because of the lack of basic instructions.

2. Lost Battle Data

This is a well-known but extremely frustrating glitch. At the end of a battle, I should win, the opposing Pokemon remains at 1HP indefinitely. The screen isn’t quite frozen, but it

3. Freezing During Capture

Fortunately, I’ve only lost one Pokemon when this happens, and the Pokemon almost always get added to my collection anyway. But, eventually, I won’t be so lucky, and that will make this problem a much more serious one.

4. Screen Sensitivity

I have a hell of a time with transferring Pokemon because I have to press really hard to school. I don’t have issues with any other apps. Something similar happens on the map, so I have to press hard or multiple times just to select a Pokestop or Pokemon. I haven’t heard anyone else complain about this, but I’ve played on others’ phones, and it’s not a problem.

5. Broken Battery Saver

I would expect any game that uses GPS, has multiple animations and needs to stay open consistently to suck battery life, and Pokemon Go does. It also comes with a battery saver option.. that doesn’t actually work for most people. In fact, none of the options save when you log out, and most people have to sign in every time they log back in. Arg!

6. Not Everyone Has AR

Of course, one of the most disappointing aspects of Pokemon Go is that not everyone gets to experience the on-screen augmented reality. If your phone isn’t one of those with a gyroscope, you can only view wild Pokemon against the game background, not your real environment. Of course, this might actually be a boon for your battery life, but it’s less entertaining.

The problem with so many of these issues is that not everyone experiences them. For example, I hadn’t heard of anyone being able to successfully use the battery saver, so I assumed it didn’t work for anyone. This doesn’t actually appear to be true, however. And I’ve yet to find anyone who has the scrolling issue.

With so many people playing on so many devices connected to so many networks and in so many locations, there are bound to be unforeseen issues, but I hope they are quickly resolved.

This is kind of a stream-of-consciousness thing. I might stumble with words and thoughts that aren’t as clear or supportive as I’d like. It is not my intent to talk over any victims, their families or members, and I will continue to share their words via social media. But it’s impossible not to have thoughts, and I just wanted to get them all down.

50 people is the largest mass shooting the country has ever seen? C’mon, this is America. Surely, we’ve had worse than that.. which led to: I can’t believe how desensitized I am to violence like this as an American.

I am so relieved this was far away, that it doesn’t personally affect me, that I am not the target demographic for violence like this. I am reassured by my privilege. In the same token, I feel guilt at feeling these things, and I can only wonder how long it will be until those things are no longer true. The next bombing, shooting, hate crime or act of terrorism could hit much closer to home. And it’s awful even if I am not personally affected.

I can’t believe people are trying to erase the significance of it being a gay nightclub. This stuff matters. How can it not?

I also cannot believe that people will just paint him as a Muslim connected to any group. He was clearly mentally unstable, and professed his allegiance to multiple, mutually exclusive groups.

I do not want people to focus on that fact that the gunman was potentially closeted gay or bisexual because it minimizes the fact that most violence is done to the LGBT community by members of the straight community. But it’s clear he did have a preoccupation with the LGBT community.

And how can people say it’s not time to argue about gun control? Not only is it always time to argue for some sort of stricter regulation on firearms, but it makes sense to do it after a heinous crime is committed with a gun. In fact, I don’t understand any of the pro-gun rhetoric that’s being used right now.

I find it especially funny that people who say the gov can’t infringe on their second amendment rights even if it would deter some criminals and terrorists, which it would, are the same who say that men who have sex with men (and women who have sex with men who have sex with men) cannot donate blood. If you argue that the rights of the majority outweigh the risks of the minority, you cannot take both stances. Sorry.

Everyone has a theory how it could have been prevented or the violence lessened — never mind that there was an armed, off-duty police officer who fired at the shooter.. and he was overtaken and killed.

If more guns are the solution, then we’ll have to mandate firearm training and education for everyone, including those who never intend to be gun owners. I’m not sure how since we can’t even do this uniformly for gun owners.

I have no qualms about my stance on gun control. I could live comfortably in a country where citizens weren’t allowed to have them. I know these countries exist. I also know that countries such as Australia have successfully taken almost all guns off the streets. I realize the biggest hurdle here is the American culture surrounding the second amendment, and I’m not sure how we get to where other countries are from where we currently are. And, yes, it might mean that people are unable to protect themselves but people are going to die anyway. That’s so completely shitty but I’d rather see progress than this heel-digging-in we’ve got now.

I also understand that guns are just a tool but they’re a tool created specifically for destruction, even if that destruction is necessary or condoned. This one of the reasons why comparing guns to cars re: regulation is an imperfect analogy, but cars were not intended to do violence. They just happen to be capable of it, especially when used incorrectly.

Technology is both a blessing and a curse. That some people were able to call or text their loved ones even moments before their deaths is amazing. But to be on the receiving end of those calls? I can’t even imagine.

I am incredibly humbled and touched by the reports about the victims, their lives and the hole their deaths leaves in the world. From Anderson Cooper to BuzzFeed, the response has been tactful and compassionate.

It’s so difficult to process death. One moment, someone is alive and the next? Their machine has shut down. There’s a finiteness to that, which I just cannot grasp.

And, finally, I just wish I didn’t know that I would eventually come to peace with this.. until the next time.