Blog Archives

Christmas 2016 was interesting, not in that I did anything other than usual. Rather, I decided to be proactive and help people who wished to buy me things do so in a way that would be satisfactory for us both. They wouldn’t see the disappointment in my face when they took a stab in the dark.

The result was an Amazon wishlist from which almost everyone shopped (those who didn’t lucked out, fortunately). Perhaps because I made it easier, more people than normal purchased me presents. And I found myself excitedly trying to guess what people had purchased from my list, no less surprised and excited by the results.

My Christ loot included:

nerdy things and games and books, oh my! (For Christmas)

• Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy BBC Radio Play on CD
• Punderdome
• King of Tokyo
• DC Bombshells Coffee Table Book
• DC Bombshells plying cards
• Epic Mickey 2
• $50 to GameStop, which I used for Paper Mario, Yoshi’s New Island and Professor Layton
• The Nightmare Before Christmas Clue

I’ll be entertained for quite some time thanks to all these gifts, not to mention games and comics that I recently purchased myself!

I’ve started two of the video games, finished the DC Bombshells coffee table book and fell in love with the H2G2 radio play. I’m on the third phase (season) thanks to my library’s ebook system. Bonus: I’m marking it off as a book for my GoodReads challenge!

So, yay, me!

I suppose I ought to write something since it’s been almost a month since my last post, and what a month it’s been!

The first week of August included my cousin’s birthday, my aunt’s wedding, the annual fair in town and GISHWHES, which was exhausting yet exhilarating. It gave me anxiety, but also a reason to talk to everyone I knew. It tested my creativity, introduced me to people and reconnected me with old friends. While I woke up anxious on some days, I went to bed feeling accomplished.

We won’t have the results for a while yet, and while I don’t know that we will win, I feel happy with that our team was able to do and what I was able to do specifically! I’ve signed up for the coffee table book review team, so I get a peek at what some of the other teams have done, which has mostly be reassuring!

My sister, cousins and a lot of children I know participated and had fun. My sister in particular enjoy spending time with me “doing cool things.” I think I need to spend more quality time with her.

My aunt’s wedding was hectic but fun, and I had an overnight guest that weekend. There was a lot of scrambling as I finished up GISHWHES. Luck would have is that my main client took off this week, so I’ve been working on catching up with blogging.

However, I’ve also caught some sort of a virus, which resulted in a cold. It’s not unusual because stress makes my immune system tank. I caught it early enough to take some supplements, so it’s not as bad as it would be otherwise.

It hasn’t stopped me from enjoying what was turned out to be a silly and alcohol-induced game night with friends, and I’ve got the bruises and stomachache to prove it. In true Cole fashion, I tried to walk it off for five miles exactly, and now my knee is throbbing and not entirely happy with me.

I’ll spend the rest of the night relaxing with my kitties and playing video games, in which I’ve been making quite the progress during my week off! It’s already 5 in the morning. I don’t know where the time went!

For a while, I’ve jokingly talked about an analogy that sex (and masturbation) and video games are pretty similar. As I was thinking about it tonight, I became more convinced of my rightness. Grammar FTW. So I decided to sit down and blog about it because, you know, funnies.

In an effort to make this awesome, I asked a friend for ideas. This is the ensuing conversation?

“What makes video games and sex alike”

“I’m usually just playing with myself?”

So that’s a thing, FYI.

How Sex and Video Games Are Alike 

• Sometimes you just want to watch someone else play.
• They’re both better when you make noise.
• It sometimes takes longer than it should to finish.
• But, sometimes, you finish and wonder what the hell just happened.
• You blunder through it your first time and hope you’re doing it right.
• It’s all about finding the right angle.
• Your hand can cramp up after a while.
• You often forget to stop to eat or drink.
• Sometimes you look ridiculous doing it.
• The  Internet is fully of videos of it.
• Sometimes you just know you’re not going  to finish.
• The world likes to view  both as a man’s world — and double standards run rampant in both cultures.
• Men are constantly creating fantasies in both, and these fantasies typically revolve around unrealistic portrayals of women.
• Sometimes you just need to stop and shower.

And the most important reason that sex and videos are alike: they’re both better when I play with you. ;)

• Get drunk.
• Spend 45 minutes jumping around uselessly at the base of the ladder.
• Throw your controller at the TV.
• Go to the store to purchase a new controller and TV.
• Leave your controller on an open surface while getting a refreshment or visiting the lavatory.
• Return to see that, somehow, your cat (or dog, hamster or child) has successfully climbed the ladder in your absence.
• Curse a lot.
• Fall off ladder.
• Repeat.

Just some handy tips:

• Play on easy. Always.
• Use a machine gun or, if all else fails, an automatic weapon.
• Play with someone who is better than you.
• Hide out in a corner facing the doorway.
• Pick a character that is balanced all around.
• Or a character that has a shit ton of health.
• Lean with your controller. That and pressing the buttons harder will always help.
• Use AI players as shields.
• Run!!
• Pray.