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Hello blog (and readers),

Good to see you (write to you) again. The last time I updated, I was musing about some of the things we accept as true, and how they can become sort of foundational. But that’s not very helpful when we interact with those who don’t necessarily have the same foundation. In short, it’s so easy to assume that everyone plays by the same “rules” and take offense when someone breaks what seems to be an unwritten universal rule.

Except no such thing truly exists.

I was reminded again of this recently. Specifically, I was reminded that while I think it’s pretty unacceptable to leave a conversation in anger without saying something, anything reaffirming, that’s not what others abide by.

And perhaps it’s not even realistic. Sometimes we will just get so angry that we need to storm out. Ideally, it’s not frequent and will become even less so. But you can’t police how other people feel anger or frustration.

It’s fair to set a boundary that you won’t engage with people who let their anger run wild or even to set boundaries about what things are specifically acceptable. But we’ll only be disappointed if we set boundaries that ignore that people that people are, well, human.

We fuck up and stuff.

That’s what I’m thinking about today – how playing by unspoken rules can only lead to disappointment. And how it’s unfair to expect others to play by your unspoken rules and carry that disappointment with you, especially letting it grow. It’s one of those many ways we contribute to our own hurt, how we can sabotage our trust in other people by tallying offenses they don’t even realize they’re making, how we can confirm our biases and deepen our insecurities.

I don’t want to do that. But recognizing the ways in which I contribute to my unhappiness, owning up to them, and doing something about them is hard.

But here’s me, trying anyway. And if I want my progress to count for something, I need to do the same for others. “Progress not perfection,” is only useful when we apply it fairly. If only it weren’t such a struggle, heh.

There are two definite types of blogs that I read. There’s the “Real people” blogs. Chances are, if you’re here and especially if we comment back and forth, you’re a “real people.” Congratulations. You tend to blog about your real life like I do mine here. No ulterior movies there. We both probably value commenting back and forth as a way to reach new visitors and you probably know a little bit about me.

Then there’s the.. other blogs. Those other blogs are like my other blog, actually. The focus is more business like. The goal is more specific. It’s all reviews and giveaways and coupons. There’s a lot of mommy blogs that I spend time on because mommies and me seem to like to save money. My review blog is sort of a fish out of water because I have no children. Granted, I think I started it before the mommy blog explosion but I’m often overlooked because my lack of parenthood. I chug along anyway.

And I’ve noticed that a blog is not a blog and things are done quite differently in those two different worlds. Real people try to respond to every single comment with thoughtful comments of their own. Real people use comments to form friendships. It’s not the easiest way but it’s the way things were done.

This doesn’t happen on the other blogs. Partly because comments are frequently a form of giveaway entry so there’s no freakin’ way a blog own can visitor hundreds of blogs and return all those comments and, because those comments aren’t heartfelt to begin with, who would want to? There’s a whole sense of anonymity and almost disconnectedness. It’s much easier to get lost in the crowd as both a commentor and blogger and it seems more difficult to foster relationships and friendships apart from working/business ones.

It’s interesting, too, that some of my readers on Reviews by Cole aren’t bloggers. It makes sense. Reviews appeal to consumers in general, not just those who have their own blog. So there may not be a blog to comment on in the first place. When you look at the giveaway participants, many have flowed over from sweepstakes communities and the same logic applies.

It makes sense, follows its own sort of logic but it sure would be nice if a blog were a blog and the same rules applied always.

Actually, I did not make a friend. But I did move a friendship to a new level and that’s kind of exciting. You see, I met this awesome lady and we started chatting in the same room and then we moved out friendship to AIM and, just this last week, it progressed to the phone.

I feel a bit like a school girl again! In fact, I feel a lot like a school girl again and I certainly felt that way when I was a wee bit nervous before the first time she called. It reminds me of how I made friends online when I was a teenager. We’d talk in a public place, we’d move to IM and eventually, if we became close enough, we’d talk on the phone. That was the natural progression of the Internet friendship when I was younger.

And it was fun. I could talk on the phone a lot. I still can. Im a talker. After 2 hours on the phone with my friend last night, my throat was begging for me to STFU. I have a lot of friends and not all of them are so awesome on the phone. I hadn’t realized how much I miss it.

Nor did I give much thought to why I pretty much stopped moving to the phone with my Internet friends. There is no single reason but many factors. The places where I chatted shut down. I became busier in high school, a trend that continued after I graduated and I began working. I began dating and married Ryan so much of my time was dedicated to him. I moved to Japan and I rarely called my mom, let alone new friends. I struggled with depression and other issues and, in general, I kind of stopped making new friends via the Internet for a while.

But this ain’t no pity party. It’s actually the exact opposite because now I remember how awesome friends are and I’ve made a great new friend. That isn’t to say I didn’t have any good friends. Some of my best friends now, both locally and internationally, are Internet friends. We just don’t talk on the phone much.

Whether or not our friendships rely on the phone, I’ve made some really awesome friends online. Somehow, I have connected with people across time zones, state lines and cultural divides. I’ve found wonderful people who listen to me when I need a friend and amazing people who make me laugh like crazy. And crazy people who are a match for my own insanity. And, hopefully, I’ve been able to provide the same for them.

So for those critics who say you can’t forge real relationships online, maybe you just fail at making friends while we do not. The Internet has changed my life with these amazing friendships.e