Category Archives: Thoughts

The other day I had a terrible dream. It was one of those emotional dreams where you wake up and you still have the feelings you had in your dreams.. even those it was just a dream. Even though you’re awake now, and none of that actually happens. But your mind has gone ahead and processed everything and all the hormones and chemicals have brought you to that place anyway.

In the middle of that terrible dream, I looked at someone and said “I wish I was at home in my PJs with my cat.”

And I woke up, in my PJs next to Phantom.

In my time of duress in my dream, the only thing I wanted was to get back to my regular life. I didn’t want anything more than that. I woke up to that place, comforting and full of love. Emotionally stable. Free to do as I please.

Since that night, I have been ridiculously grateful of my life. Of the people and things in it.

All things considered, I am in a good place. A place where I am happy to remain; although, I am open to better things, they would have to be significantly better to motivate me to stray

As emotionally tumultuous that dream may have been, it was certainly something I needed.

I am in a particularly good mood today. Perhaps it’s this crazy weather, but it also has to do with the fact that I just came home from the dentist.  I was in a good mood the last time I came home from a checkup.

for the most part, my appointments have gone quicker and easier than expected, but there’s something else that I like about the dentist. As I sit there in the chair with nothing to do, I just focus on my breathing and relaxation. This sort of forced relaxed is why I like some roller coasters/carnival rides. There’s nothing I can do in the situation. You sit still until it’s over, so you might as well relax.

In some ways, I’ve spent the last week doing the same. I guess I’m the kind of person who comes down with a terrible cold in the middle of July. My head wasn’t in the game, so I definitely took it easy when it came to work. I did what I could,  but I wasn’t writing as much as usual.

To be honest? I needed that. I spent a lot of time sleeping to feel better (I’m still not back at 100%). I stayed home and watched a ton of Stargate: SG-1. And I didn’t feel amazing, but I certainly felt less anxious.

That’s why I’m writing this. Because I have nothing else to do ( Okay, I should be writing a few reviews). I don’t have to be writing this. So I feel more inspiration to write a blog post, even if I’m only telling you that I’m a freak who likes the dentist and being sick. LOL

As I sit here typing this, it’s storming outside. I feel and hear the thunder. I see the lightning through the cracks of my curtains. It reminds me of a different time in my life.

Rain has always been a welcome soundtrack. It lulls me to sleep when I am tired. The pitterpatter mirrors my heart when I am excited. The moisture washes away the dirt on the world just as it does the dirt on my skin and the mess from my mind. Rain is cathartic, it truly is.

And rain is sexy. It makes me want peel away my clothing, open the blinds and turn off the light so that only the lightning illuminates bodies and expressions in the middle of the night.

It is spring, and with spring comes rain, a rain that I, for one, am glad to see.

When I am happy, I feel as though it would be okay if the world ended in this moment. Because I am happy. I am home. Nothing more need happen.

I don’t want to top it. I don’t want to relive it. I want to stay in that moment forever — some part of my conscious existing in the ether even though my life has been cut short.

But it’s not short. It’s perfectly timed if it ends during those moments when I am completely and utterly happy. And I know that the longer I live, the further apart those moments will be, the greater the divide between happy and everything-else will be.

So I’d rather just let go.

Love is a constant. It is your first thoughts in the morning and your last through before falling asleep, where love will visit you in dreamland.

Love is sometimes relentless in its pursuit to dominate your every thought.

Love is in your fantasies and daydreams.

It is gentle sometimes, but it is also fervent, making it difficult for you to think.

Sometimes, you drown in love. Even when you are in the desert, looking for that love oasis, all you can think about is love.

It is not love if it isn’t experienced with passion that makes you feel alive — or on the verge of death.

Love courses, but it also trickles, shaping you as it moves. There is no one or nothing strong enough to resist love’s influence. No one is left untouched by love, least of all me.