Category Archives: Thoughts

So I’m doing my first-turned-on-the-computer routine which includes checking e-mail and going through the featured articles on AIM today (otherwise, you know, I’d never read any news) and I come across this post about the pros and cons for marriage between men and women. Essentially, statistics show that marriage has some health advantages and disadvantages for either gender.

Now, I’m not going to get into the “men have a shorter lifespan than women because women suck the life out of them” thing for two reasons. 1) We all know men have shorter lifespans because they don’t take care of themselves. It’s true. 2) Read number 1. But it’s interesting that married women tend to have less stress but gain more weight. And men? Are less likely to have strokes. Marriage offers an anecdote against depression and high blood pressure, too. But an unhappy marriage basically turns the tables and wreaks havoc on your health.

Still, the article is very hetero-normative so I wonder if any of these benefits or risks apply to marriage (including gay marriage) in general or if some of these are particular to straight relationships alone.

Getting married did not automatically make me a less selfish person. Saying “I Do” did not mean I suddenly gained all the knowledge and learned all the skills I would need to positive contribute to my relationship. Sure, the desire to be happy and to make Ryan happy was there but desire alone does not magically produce results.

I’ve heard it said time and again that there is no manual for parenting, that you can never be truly prepared. I have yet to personally experience that but I believe the same holds true for many other things, including relationships.

We live in a society where there is no mandatory relationship education, no government sponsored textbooks on the subject. If our sex education is lacking, then education about being in an emotionally healthy relationship is a fairy tale.

We’re left to our own devices and while I have nothing against trial and error in some sectors of life, it becomes a whole lot trickier when feelings are involved.

This isn’t to say that resources haven’t sprung up to fill the need. They have. Therapists and talk show hosts, books, chat rooms and webinars all contain invaluable (well, sometimes worthless) information about how to be in a healthy relationship. But these are all resources you have to seek out yourself, often times on your own dime. Realizing you could use some help and then biting the bullet to ask for it are hard enough but, really, we live in a society where it’s all too easy not to realize we need a little help.

I mean, if you have no education about a healthy relationship to begin with, when do you realize it’s not? If no one has ever told you that it’s important to learn relationship sills or what those skills are, why would you seek out that information on your own? Perhaps this is why our society is strewn with broken hearts and divorce papers. Just a thought.

I don’t necessarily think we should be mandating peoples’ love lives. That’s a bit too involved even for my tastes. I just cannot help but wonder if we could be doing more to help people better themselves and their relationships. When “better” is just an option and an expensive one at that, it’s an option left unconsidered by the majority.

It’s true. I am no Garfield. The internet really slows on the weekends and I totally forget about the concept of “business hours” so I am more than happy to see everyone and everything come back to life on Monday morning. Prompt e-mails make me happy. Website updates always bring a smile to my face. New activity in my e-mails and on the forums I visit gives me something to think about, to talk about and generally keep me busy. And mail is no longer stuck in the land of the lost known as Sunday. So I’ll keep Mondays to myself if you don’t mind.

I am trying to be more grateful and gracious. It is a trying process. I guess no one said change or growth were easy but I didn’t expect it to be this hard. Still, it’s helpful to take time out to consider everything I do have to be grateful for. It would be easy for me to say “nothing” right now but that would also be short sighted.

First and foremost, I am grateful for my friends and family who love me no matter how flawed I am. And you better believe this model comes with her fair share of flaws.

I absolutely adore my kitties who have made the past year and a half a ball of fun and insanity. I love that Ryan loves them, too, because no one expected that from him.

I appreciated that my life has taken me across the country and across the world. I may never travel again but I still have some awesome destinations under my wing.

I am thankful for the head on my shoulders which may be a little perplexed right now but is otherwise pretty intelligent and has helped me get through a lot.

I love that you folks are reading and commenting on my blogs. Maybe this ought to be an ode to the internet in general but the fact that I can type up some shit here and someone across the country might care is awesome. Plus, I am grateful for all the opportunities I have had because of my websites including products to review and making money.

I totally am thankful that others who have gone through hard times have written books about it. And so have the folks who know how to help a person through a rough patch. I’m reading all sorts of books which are helping me cope right now.

I am thankful that Ryan is a nice guy even when he doesn’t want to be.

I am thankful for warm sun and cool breezes. Long walks to no where. Good jokes (and sometimes even bad ones). Yummy food. A therapeutic shower. My ability to articulate.

I am grateful for having known love as powerful and sometimes devastating as it is. To know that it simply exists makes everything worthwhile.

I am grateful for silly, late night chats. Inside jokes. Fun and slushy drinks.

I love that music exists. If I have felt it, there is a song which describes it. If I feel like moving, there is a song which prompts me to do so. If I don’t know how to say it, someone else does.

I am also thankful for my youth. And, when the mirror is being nice, my good looks. ;)