Category Archives: Rants

nor can you live without them. Depending on your sexual orientation, you may think I am talking about men and/or women. I could be but I’m actually talking about computers!

I caught a trojan the other day and I have been battling ever since. It was stupid that I got it in the first place because Avast did warn me but I didn’t respond in a very.. cautious way and got infected. Since then, I’ve run over a dozen programs (at least!). Things have gotten better but not perfect. At first, I had horrible, fake Windows alerts and a pseudo-antivirus program that wanted me to download crap. I managed to get rid of the pop ups and fake program but I kept getting Google results hijacked and my comp was lagging like hell.

Now, the lag seems to be minimal (it is eight years old, after all!) but my results are still, sometimes hijacked. It’s annoying but not completely debilitating. I’m still running daily scans. The frustrating thing is, many programs have caught something but it’s obvious this thing has opened a back door and keeps letting more in anyway.

Like last time, Dez has been a great help coming up with suggestions but I’m pretty close to just buying some protection software.

There is nothing I like more than falling asleep easily or waking up feeling restful. However, this rarely happens. The other day, I was so tired I fell asleep watching TV and I woke up a bit later, thinking “Wow, I never fall asleep without realizing it anymore.” And it’s true.

Yesterday, I spent 5 hours lying in bed (and sometimes on the couch), trying to fall asleep. I took some melatonin, which did me no good. Mostly, I lie awake worrying about things that have happened, things that will happen. My mind keeps running even if my body is completely exhausted. It can be painful to keep my eyes open, yet my heart pounds and, in my brain, I’m thinking all sorts of things: ideas for blog posts and forum threads, layout designs, what I’ll eat the next day, how I’ll form an article for Demand Studios, whether I need to do any chores, what time I need to wake up to perform activity X. It just doesn’t stop.

I know I’m not alone and that makes me feel better but it doesn’t help, exactly. And neither do the cats who will paw at the walls, beat on the mirror, meow out the window, chase one another and claw at the carpet. I’ve been keeping a bottle of water on the night stand to spray at Goliath when he’s naughty (he’ll run at the sight of it, some mornings) but it’s so incredibly hard to fall asleep.

Or stay asleep. I’ll wake after a few fitful minutes of sleep and start back at square one. I’ll do this 5 or 6 times a night, some nights. It’s horrible. i’m sure the stress of my life makes it worse but, the truth is, I’ve always had trouble sleeping but I haven’t always realized it. Sometimes, we don’t realize that what we accept as “normal” is, in reality, unhealthy.

I know it now, but I’m still stumped. It seems like the effectiveness of my relaxation CD has worn off and I’ll have to look for a new solution.

Sometimes I forget. I’m sure you do too, though. I want to be adult, I want to be in control of my feelings but sometimes I go overboard in such a way that allows my feelings to run me over, anyway.

Sometimes I just need to be reminded “It’s okay to have feelings.” After all, it would be weird if I didn’t have negative feelings at this time in my life. I need to remember to expect feelings, to accept them, to experience them and let them go. But I get caught up in not wanting to feel certain ways. I wind up berating myself, thinking that I am stupid and I should be beyond this.

Have you ever tried to make yourself stop crying by telling yourself how stupid you’re being? Yea, it doesn’t work very well.

There are people in my life who help perpetuate those unproductive thoughts, though. There are some who think I shouldn’t have feelings. They cannot possibly understand why I would be upset now but the truth is that they are irrational. I am just human. Alive. I care about my marriage. To have feelings now really is the most logical thing I can do.

To repeat:

It’s okay to have feelings.

In the event that you’ve been hiding under a rock, some major shit has been going on in the Gulf of Mexico. Namely, an oil rig owned by BP exploded, killing 11 crew members (if I recall correctly) and leaving a hole wide open on the ocean floor, from which oil has been flowing ever since. Known as the Deepwater Horizon oil spill, it has become the largest offshore spill in U.S. history and has leaked oil onto shores in Louisiana and Florida.

Now, I’m not oceanographer or bigwig CEO. I’ve never been swimming in the ocean let alone working in it. I know there’s a shitload of pressure 5,000 feet beneath the surface of the ocean but this shit has been going on since April 20th and every solution that BP has tried has been akin to a “band-aid over a bullet hole.” I know some folks hate that terms but, really, it’s true.

In the mean time, 500,000 to 4,200,000 US gallons of oil have been leaking into the oil per day. If you’re a fan of beach vacations or own land in Louisiana, you’re fucked. The news is even worse if you’re some ocean dwelling creature . The internet is full of heartbreaking images of struggling birds and dead sea turtles. It ain’t pretty, folks.

I’m sure we will come up with a solution. Some great minds have already proposed other solutions. I’m sure even if they are valid, bureaucratic bullshit will prevent the solutions from being applied as swiftly as possible and with hurricane season on our hills, this is not good news.

But you know what’s even worse? Even when we do fix this, it will happen again. That’s right. Experts agree that this sort of thing is more likely to happen because we are having to go deeper and deeper to drill for oil and that’s kinda dangerous. Now, the republicans say this can all be prevented if the democrats would just let them drill in the ANWR. And democrats are quick to report that if the republicans would sell all those damned SUVs, maybe this could be prevented.

Maybe. I don’t buy either debate but I do think that something is clear; if there are fingers to be pointed, none of us innocent. Consumers who continued to let car companies build cars that depend on oil? Guilty. Car companies who considered to build those cars? Guilty. Government that failed to protect consumers and the environment while allowing car companies to be all sorts of ridiculous? Guilty.

Fear not, though. I just read an article that lists 10 Things You Can Do to Help. From volunteering to donating, your helping hand will be appreciate. If you haven’t picked up a bottle of Dawn lately or seen some commercials, the dish soap was used during the Exxon-Valdez oil spill to clean up animals. You can register online to donate $1 per every bottle of Dawn you purchase toward the cause. I’m almost out, anyway. You can also help out if you are a sailor or fisherman, own a hair salon or see an animal injured by the oil spill.

It’s the least you can do, really.

I have a cell phone. Most people I know do. Some of the folks who will read this contact me through my cell phone and that’s cool. I do like having people close at hand, so to speak.

But I’ve got to say, we need to adhere to some cell phone ettiquette, people! And, no, I’m not just talking about the people who ignore cashiers cause they’re too busy on their phones. Or people who don’t turn off their phones in movie theatres or even those people who look crazy cause they’re talking on blue tooth in the middle of Wal-mart.

No, I’m talking about the people who call and call and text and text and leave multiple voice mails (or none at all) and get all butthurt when you don’t answer the phone right-that-very-second. The people who expect you to have your phone on you at all times, to answer no matter what.

News flash!

You’re rude. Just because I have a cell phone doesn’t mean I have to have it on or have it on my person. I don’t have to answer or reply to your texts, not in a timely manner nor at all. And if you keep bugging me incessantly, I will probably not want to answer you.

And there are certain times I might turn my phone off or put it on silent. Like during movies or when I sleep. If I’m on a date, spending time with loved ones. They are more important than you at those moments. If you want to be the more important person, make time to spend with me. Don’t expect to be important simply because I have a cell phone that I could be using 24/7. I just won’t.

Don’t call more than once in a 5 minute time period. Don’t call 4 times and leave 0 messages. On the other hand, don’t call 4 times and leave 4 messages. 1 will do, thank you very much.

And don’t send me more than 3 texts at a time. If you can’t sum things up shortly, save it for e-mail or IM or an actual phone call or to say to my face. It can probably wait. I promise.

You see, that’s the thing. These people act as those the conversations cannot possibly wait yet the conversations are more useless than ever. They can wait. You can wait and I will make you wait whether you like it or not.