Category Archives: Life

If I blogged about my life on a more frequent basis, a lot of posts would be about how fucked up my sleeping schedule is. Last night, I woke up at around 6pm. It’s crazy, I know. I hate waking up that late. I hate waking up and it being dark or near dark, but it happens because it takes me so long to go to sleep. I get stuck on these schedules until, one day, I just decided to stay up as long as possible, and I eventually get back to schedule I like. Yet, it only seems to last a few days at most, and I go through the cycle all over again.

I suppose what I need to do is get on a schedule. It’d probably be best all around, but I hate the sound of an alarm. I hate waking up when I don’t have to, and that’s exactly what I’m thinking when I crawl back into bed. That I just want to enjoy my sleep because I can. And I’m certainly no good when I haven’t had enough sleep, and getting enough quality sleep is hard when the cats are so bothersome on a daily basis.

Ideally, I’d wake up at 11. I’d be up before noon, have a few hours to myself while the roommate napped and be able to hang out with people during the day. This would put me to bed sometime in the early morning hours.. except I need far more than 8 hours of sleep it seems, especially when it takes at least 3 to fall asleep.

Well, that’s enough of my first world problems. I suppose I’d down some Benadryl and try to sleep for a few hours.

Last night, I was down in the dumps. I feel one million times better today. Here’s a quick list why.

• My legs feel so good guys. Amazing shave.
• Last year’s shorts fit — loosely.
• Today’s weather is amazing.
• And it’s not even dark yet. I love DST!
• I smell amazing.
• I’m not quite as broke as I expected.
• Goliath’s yucky fur is all clean.
• Cupcake and Mountain Dew.
• I don’t live in a third-world country.
• Kwik Trip makes amazing carrot cake.
• I am awesome!
• To be announced.

Around the time that my sister was in the hospital, my grandma started making people T-shirts. I guess she acquired a printer that allowed her to print on fabric so she would give us all t-shirts as presents. Although these specific gifts were a fad, Grandma cross-stitches these days and gives us all table runners and towels and pillowcases like it’s going out of style. Anyway, she gave me The Cat Shirt. The Cat Shirt featured a fuzzy grey kitty surrounded by pink and purple flowers and I fuckin’ loved it. But it was bad. It was like the Tween version of the 3 wolf shirt. And the shirt itself was a white tee, which is almost never flattering, but was too big on me anyway.

But that didn’t stop me for wearing it on a weekly basis for, like, 3 years. It was bad guys. I wore it all the time until when, one day in sixth grade, I was working on a video project with a group of girls. We were doing a skit about bullying and our group of four split up into pairs and I, of course, wound up being one of the uncool kids and.. it was, in part, because of The Cat Shirt.

I stopped wearing The Cat Shirt after that and I forgot all about it, until, the other night, I opened an email from my aunt. In that email was a collage of family photos and there I was, standing next to Grandma, in my cat shirt. I was covering my face in an effort to escape having my picture taken or perhaps having my picture taken in The Cat Shirt. Nevertheless, photographic evidence exists.

I don’t know if I am embarrassed more by the fact that I liked The Cat Shirt as much as I did or because I still would have, had I not realized how uncool it was.

Last night was among one of the crazier things I’ve done in my life and, to be honest, it wasn’t that crazy for a lot of people. It was for me, though.

I was a little sad, somewhat annoyed, exhausted and a whole lot of angry. So I did the adult thing, downed an entire bottle of alcohol and posted all my angry, man-hating thoughts for the world to see on Facebook/Twitter.

This is not an apology.

I mean, it was annoying, I can give you that. But I am not sorry. I needed a night to not care. I needed some time to refrain from being the responsible adult. I needed to express anger and I needed to let myself feel sadness and I needed to let it all out — which I pretty much never do.

Luckily, I did so in a pretty entertaining way and no one seems upset with me. In fact, the general consensus is pretty much that I would be a hoot to drink with when, you know, I wasn’t full of angry hate. I think anyone who knows me even moderately understands that I am not that person. I have tried so very hard to be responsible, mindful, positive and strong in the past couple years. I’ve made great strides but sometimes I needed a reminder that I don’t have to be those things all the time.

Last night, I found support from some awesome people, who I would expect to be there, and some awesome people who surprised me by being there. They all surprised me by telling me it was okay for me to feel and act the way I felt and acted because they understood.

I also knew that I would sleep on it and feel better in the morning. Which I did, more or less. Some of the things that set me off didn’t matter in the morning light and some of them are going to make me feel a little blue for a while but none of them are the end of the world or even any worse than anything I’ve had to handle before. And I guess that makes me feel pretty good. Maybe I just needed to check out for a little bit but I’m awesome enough to know how far out I can go and able to reel it back in when I need to.

What happened last night won’t be a regular occurrence, thankfully, but last night needed to happen.

2011 went out with a fizzle, not a bang, and so 2012 doesn’t quite feel like it’s here. Nothing really marked the end of my year in a noticeable way so it’s hard to believe this could be the year that the world ends — ha!

I do like to have something to get me in the mindset of the new year. Perhaps I just need to make a more dedicated effort next year to end my year with loved ones and maybe even a New Year’s kiss. ;)

Part of me is sad to see 2011 end because it was the best year of my life and a small part of me is worried that 2012 will not live up to it, especially considering how much I’ve been battling my anxiety lately.

Still, I bet this year will be pretty rawrsome either way.