Category Archives: Life

and here’s the rundown

• I have no pictures because I got too drunk, my phone was being ridiculous and it dies anyway.
• I look terrible in all other pictures because I never got a chance to finish getting ready. I just decided to get drunk instead.
• When I got home, my ass was sticky.
• We somehow ate a dozen pizzas.
• People loved our pinata full of candy, condoms, lube and booze.
• Everyone had fun.. but it was weird.
• There was less drama than I thought.
• Everything seemed later than it was because the country is so dark.
• Decorations and a deep fryer were broken.
• A Jeep got stuck in a field.
• I didn’t even pee on my tail!
• I made new friends.
• Apparently I was hilarious.
• I lost a ball.
• The stress gave me a cold sore.
• We still have to clean up all decorations and bring them home.
• I saw a shooting star!
• Funny things happened so people took video.
• I learned that I am an over-the-top details sort of person, but not everyone appreciates that. I should not put more effort into a party than the party itself takes.

However, we all need to have that one big crazy party, and I did it. So yay!

in a handful of easy, peasy steps.

Once you read this guide, you’ll kick yourself for not doing it sooner! It will change your life!*

Step 1

This is the hard part. You have to somehow spark the idea that I want to host a party but that your house is the perfect place to do it. If you can accomplish this one, the rest is downhill from here.

Step 2

Work long hours so that your house isn’t quite up to my expectations when it comes time to clean and decorate.

Step 3

Plan a day for said decoration. Let me into your home. Extra points if I show up without your knowledge. Allow me to view the carnage.

Step 4

I clean your house.

**Results may vary.

Thank you for always making me feel beautiful, like it was never a competition and even when I didn’t feel beautiful myself. Somehow, you always made me feel like, when you looked at me, you saw something I would like in the mirror.

And thank you for always respecting my space, my privacy, my anxiety. Thank you for never taking it personally when I needed alone time but, even more..

Thank you for knowing when what I truly needed wasn’t what I thought I wanted. You ignored those arbitrary rules when they weren’t helping me. You made our into a hugging friendship and because of that, I had someone to hug when I really needed it.

I appreciate that you were one of the best friends that I ever had during one of the most difficult times of my life. You never asked for anyone in return, and you never judged the decisions I made, even when they were wrong. Yet, you were always there to listen to my heart’s cries.

Thank you for dinners and movies and drinks and video games and countless minutes spent watching YouTube videos.

Thank you for the late-night phone calls, for putting up with cat pictures and my silly jokes, for loving every dorky part of me. For cuddles when I needed them the most and showing up at my door at midnight to wipe away the tears.

You’ll never know how much I appreciate your easy way, your requests for confirmation, even though we both know I absolutely did want you to continue.

Thank you for honoring my strange requests without judgment and for pushing me far enough to fully be myself.

I am forever grateful for you, the safest place I’ve ever known in my life.

so that motherfuckers couldn’t wake me up by yelling into or banging on my bedroom window.

Not cool, guys.

..when the cops show up at your door.

So, last night I had went to bed sometime between 5 and 6 PM. I had been up for 24 hours, so I hit the hay after my best friend left. I wasn’t asleep for more than an hour when someone began banging on my window. I figured it was some drunk asshole who was locked out. I am not the doorman, so I was going to yell at him through the window when he identified him as Wausau PD and asked if I could open the door, which I did.

Upon opening the door, I saw a young officer who didn’t look all that different from Glenn from The Walking Dead. As I am letting him in, he asks for apartment number 2. That’s me, and I am thoroughly perplexed and not quite awake. He tells me to get my keys and step outside. I do and I inquire as to WTF is going on. Two other cops come around, and the whole lot of them was really quite good looking.

Office Glenn-from-the-walking-dead tells me that they got a call from a woman whose niece, Brenda, called her saying that her mom was going to hurt herself. Obviously, this doesn’t pertain to me.  They asked to see my apartment, and I showed them. It was all over in less than 5 minutes and they were leaving.

It had disturbed my sleep, though, I just had to tell everyone. The story only gets better based on the replies that I received from my friends.

• One friend said I should have told the hot cops I was hiding drugs “but you have to find them” to get frisked.
• Another thought that the story was leading to stripping cops
• A third said at least I got a good story about it

I mean, it’s true. It’s an interesting story. Weird enough to blog  about. Sadly, there was no stripping or frisking. But here’s a photo of Channing Tatum.

No Stripper Cops HEre

Also, yesterday was Suicide Prevention Day, so I really hope that Brenda’s mom is okay.