Category Archives: Friends

• i always get perverted when i’m crying
• lebanese men are delicious especially the little ones
• someone should put him (obama) out
• i think my face is the wrong size
• i don’t like dildo rape COMMA terminator COMMA megatron
• It was dericious
• Don’t dwink a dwum full of wum

Shit others said about me:

cole gets really racist when she drinks water #keepthembitchesinline

 

As some point I decided I needed to fuck a bartender for the benefits. Apparently I turned purple when the waitress startled me. She later said she’d have to give me a time limit on my drinks in the future.

Yea, good times.

The last time I wrote a post talking about how I’d gotten drunk the night before, it wasn’t so happy. It’s different this time. Friday was my best friend’s birthday and she asked if  I wanted to go out after she finished work. I figured it would be fun and had no better plans, anyway, so we headed to a bar with her husband to meet her cousin. For some reason, probably an empty stomach, my drinks really hit me and I was soon feeling the alcohol. I had no more than two shots and two mixed drinks, but they did me in.

However, I was with friends, so instead of freaking out, I was laughing  bubbly and silly. I entertained everyone and was entertain myself. It was really the first time that drinking was any fun, and it was all an accident. It made me want to go out and drink with friends again. Perhaps I just hadn’t been with the right people before. Unfortunately, several of my friends are now pregnant. What’s up with that?

The night produced some quotes that seemed funny at the time. You can tell me if they’re still funny.

I’d be a dick, too, if my vagina was full of sand.

I’m trying to add ‘fucked’ but it’s hard.

I feel all wibbly wobbly. Will David Tennant have sex with me?

I have to pee. Don’t eat my cheese.

If you disappeared for a week or a month or even a few hours, I’d notice. Not everyone would, but those who notice do so with a fierceness that hopefully makes up for it.

I would notice because I see when you’re gone for a few hours. I notice when you don’t reply in the first five seconds. I notice when your life is busy. I notice when you’re quieter than usual, but I just assume you’d come to me if you needed to. I’m sorry if that’s what you need. I’ll be more vocal if you need me to.

I may be busy, but I remember when we haven’t talked for a few days. I note the absence in my life. Sometimes, even when I’m busy with someone else, I stop to miss you. You’re not there. We’ve never met, but there’s still a hole in my heart.

I know it’s not much. I don’t know if it’s enough, but I hope so because I would notice not because I am amazing but because you are.

Periodically, I clean out my life. Whether it’s deleting files from my hard drive, emptying my iTunes library, selling oil clothes on eBay or finally throwing out bottles of shampoo that I’m never going to use, it feels great. A while back, I went through my laptop and external hard drive, deleting bookmarks and emails that I no longer needed. Especially when it comes to my digital life, I’ve often attached myself to things–files, data, etc. It’s easy to do this with documents and emails, because they don’t require any physical space, but because of my anxiety, I keep some sort of mental tally. I see the number of files and the names of folders fly past my eyes, and it makes me nervous, restless.

At first, deleting always causes me to feel a little fear. I think “What if I needed that again?” “What if I can’t find that file again, when I need it in the future.” But once the cleanup is done, once I convince myself to get off my ass and take out the trash or clean out that drawer or just to open that folder and start clicking, I feel such a sense of relief and lightness. I love clearing up that mental space. Spring cleaning helps to defragment my mind. I know what I have and where I have it, and I don’t worry about losing things, and part of me likes being somewhat-unencumbered.

I will never be completely free. I’m not the type who can pack a bag and travel the world, but I do like having just what I need and knowing that everything I need, I have. I don’t like clutter. My uncle recently asked me what I liked to collect and I said “Nothing! I hate clutter.” In fact, things like my computer and Kindle let me live with even less clutter. I’ve been cleaning out books and movies. I can honestly see a point in my life when I have neither.

But I haven’t always been organized, so while I’m making strides now, there’s a lot of past clutter to go through, or so it feels like. And I get pretty frazzled, or fragmented, when I try to keep track of things in my head. Other people simply forget about things until such is the time when they need to remember, but I’m not so good at forgetting. I don’t have enough back burners for all the mental flotsam and jetsam, so the only way I can feel less anxious is to get rid of as much as possible, which results in me literally getting rid of stuff.

So while I certainly love the remaining material things perhaps more than some people recommend that we do love things, I also recognize how unhealthy it is to love those things more than people. Because things are replaceable while people, for the most part, are not. Things provide me with tools and solutions, but people provide me with companionship and happiness. Still, both people and things can make my anxiety go crazy, so one thing I’m really trying to work on is to preventing myself from letting in and becoming close to people who are  toxic and bad for my mental health. Just like the clutter of files or material things, they take a crazy toll on my mental faculties.

For the most part, I don’t have a lot of baggage, but I do tend to look at things in my life as though they are more baggage-y than they are. I suppose this is why I clear out as much as possible, so the remaining people and things are the type of baggage that, at the very least, I want to handle.

Wednesday we went to the Wisconsins Dells, a tourist city about two hours south. We headed out to Robyn’s to meet up with people Wendy piked into Robyn’s car and I went with Ashley and Nate–who drives like a madman, so we made crazy good time even though we missed our exit.

We had season opener cards to get into many attractions free or super cheap, so we were going to mini golf, but I saw that one of the water parks also had mini golf and such, so we decided just to go there, instead. First, we took a bus tour of the Dells on the Wisconsin River, which had a few stops at places with views and concession stands. That took enough time that we headed to Noah’s Ark, which is billed as “America’s Largest Waterpark,” but I’m sure it really isn’t. We were going to do dry stuff like golfing first, but it turns out that the golf and other dry activities were all under construction. This makes me sad, because I had been looking forward to that more.

Even though I didn’t plan on getting in the water as I’m not a fan of it, we did decide to go on one ride. It looked fairly dry, but my shorts and tank got wet enough that I said “Fuck it!” and we wound up going on a few more rides, including one of those Splash Mountain-like coasters with the giant splash at the end. I wound up having a lot of fun; although, the walking was hard on me feet and I soon ditched my shoes for walking barefoot on the pavement, which was hotter and only slightly less painful.

We finished off at Uno’s, an “Italian” grill that had some pretty good noms. I had been hungry, but wasn’t by the time we got there,which made me sad. At dinner, I became ridiculously tired, and wound up heading home with Robyn while Ashley and Nate stayed to hang out with her cousin. On the way home, we had silly conversations fueled by geekery and lack of sleep.

Yesterday, I was incredibly tired, a little sunburned and so sore. No one else seems to be as sore as I am, but my legs definitely felt like lead. The bottom of my feet are still sore, of course, but I slept pretty well once I finally fell asleep. Even though I spent the entire day outside in the hot, hot sun, coming home to a humid bedroom was definitely much worse. Last night, I realized that my ankles are sunburned but not my legs. How does that work?

Robyn asked if I’d go to Wisconsin Dells next year. I can’t say “Yes” without hesitation. It’s the same thing with Wizard World Comic Con. I had fun, but it’s the type of thing that I just need time to recuperate from. Noah’s Ark was, luckily, free, and I didn’t spend a whole lot (besides being double charged at the concession stand, which I called and sorted out as soon as I realized), but I need long periods of down time, it seems. I’m not like people who can do things repeatedly.

Yesterday, Wendy and I headed over to Robyn’s to watch Sherlock with her friends. I’d heard plenty of good things about the show, and was planning on working. I wound up paying far more attention to the show than I expected. It was both witty and clever. Despite there being only three episodes in each season, it’s pretty good. We didn’t quite finish both seasons, but I’m looking forward to that eventually.

So, have you ever been to a water park? Does anyone out there hate the idea of swimming suits as much as I do? Do you look for bad tattoos on people when their clothes are off? Ever done anything that you weren’t excited about but wound up liking it anyway?