Category Archives: Humour

As I sit here, eating warmed up apple pie (store bought and new ice cream but still good), I am quite warm. I just showered, put on pants and did dishes before the pie so you can see why. If I were not, I would grab a blanket while typing on the comp or lying on the couch and my chills would be over. Not so, says Ryan, the boy who registered for a free Snuggie some time ago. I guess it has been not 6 to 8 weeks yet so he spends all his time bothering me about how difficult life is without his Snuggie. Yea, right. Give me a break. Blankets do not need manuals and your hoodie is on the bedroom floor where it lives all “winter” long, thank-you-very-much.

I am against the very idea of the Snuggie because it’s ridiculously unnecessary and, even if you somehow couldn’t function without a blanket with sleeves, it’s essentially a backwards robe so walk to your bathroom, grab a robe and put it on backwards. Tada! It’s amazing, I know. So I am rather ashamed that my own husband has betrayed me, forsaken me for a Snuggie. I’ll have my revenge. I will!

I have spent way too much time on My Life is Average but I have gleaned some new knowledge because of it:

• if you put your headphones in your nose and play your ipod really loudly, you can hear the music through your mouth when it’s open, and can’t hear it when it’s closed.
• The Magic 8 ball comes with a warning label which says “Not intended as a substitute for a human pregnancy test.”
• Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
• “If you watch jaws backwards its about a huge shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach.”
• Microsoft Word puts the red squiggly line under “Ravenclaw” “Hufflepuff” and “Slytherin” … but not “Gryffindor”
• you can mail a banana as is. All you do is write the address and place a stamp on it and then put it in the mailbox.
• Apparently someone donated their land in the case that a unicorn ever needed a safe refuge.
• if you say ‘beer can’ with an English accent, you’re saying ‘bacon’ with a Jamaican accent.
• a pumpkin with the number 3.14 carved into it would make it a pumpkin pi.
• Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don’t make sense. Refrigerator.

Because I say so. Cast your vote or forever hold your peace.

Learn origami. From left to right: Fox, Reindeer, Reindeer, Panda, Flying squirrel. Also, Hot Rot, Ravage, Megatron (I think?) and Optimus Prime.

I bet I could get really good at this.

(but the cats don’t give a damn anyway)

• headphones
• batteries
• chapstick
• nail polish
• rugs
• blinds
• windows
• make up
• my bras
• my robe
• paper
• mommy and daddy’s adult stuff
• books
• the tv
• the duster
• the broom
• cat poop
• lighters
• my toothbrush
• the tub
• the shower curtain
• the laundry basket
• the phone
• my wedding ring
• any cords
• plastic bags
• my necklace while I am wearing it
• any ties or strings on my clothes
• my hair
• my head
• my feet
• my ankles
• my legs
• my arms
• my fingers
• my face
• the monitor
• the mouse
• the keyboard