Addict.

I spend too much time on Facebook. I get alerts on my phone, too many really. There’s no good settings that let me see replies and comments to stuff I post without also seeing people who randomly reply to a friend’s photo that I may have commented on six months ago, but I digress. It’s one of the first sites I check when I log on to my laptop, and then I proceed to check it hundreds of times per day. No lie. Sometimes I log on, see nothing, close the tab and repeat the whole process because I forget that I was just on Facebook.

It’s ridiculous, but I bet it’s pretty common. I know I’m not alone. Dez tells me how she feel Facebook sucks her soul. We wait for clicks and comments and links. Somehow, those stupid red bubbles validate our existence. I’m no fool. I realize how unhealthy this is. I know if I stayed away all day and simply signed on to a couple likes, that would be okay, but the way I check constantly is not. I also know that I am fighting to open Facebook in another tab as  I type this.

It’s part of the Internet addition, but there’s something else with Facebook. The rest of the Internet constantly has new information. I can find facts. Play games. Write blogs. I can look at photography or even porn if I want. The rest of the Internet offers something new, and I only need to find it. Facebook is addicting because it’s personal. I wait for those alerts because I assume they’re about me.

You know the kicker, though? It’s often not. It’s those stupid six month old photo comments. It’s updates from friends that I don’t care about. Sometimes it’s game requests — which I just took the time to block a few. It’s rarely something  I actually want to see. That’s the punch line of this whole thing. I’m sure my brain reacts like I’ve taken a hit of something when I see the little red alert, but then it drops right back down when it’s what it usually is: useless trash.

You see, I’d kind of like to deactivate Facebook. I prefer much of the communication I do on Twitter. I feel like I have more useful conversations. Sure, they’re fewer and farther between, but I also say more with fewer characters. Something inside me suggests that more people on Facebook will see or care, like I’m signal boosting in a way that’s necessary. Usually, I wind up realizing how far I am from emotionally intimate to most of these people or heartbroken when my close friends don’t manage to respond in the right way or a timely manner. Again, not healthy.

Of course, my selfish mind assumes everyone saw and they’re just ignoring me or something else just as ridiculous. It’s not true. Facebook makes it difficult to see updates. Not everyone checks it as frequently as I do. Others might not feel like they can reply to a post, etc. I know that reasonably, but Facebook makes me feel so unreasonable.

As I was saying, deactivation is becoming more and more appealing, but it’s just not an option. I can’t deactivate my personal account and continue to operate the page for Reviews by Cole. And the interactions I have on the page, while sparse, are rewarding. The numbers keep going up. The people who fan me do it because they want to. The groups I’ve joined have been informative if not exactly warm communities. (Many of them are warm, but I have a habit of distancing myself). And Facebook has become a necessary part of my blog’s success.

Regardless, I will attempt to reign in this beast.. right after I check Facebook once more.