Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Feb 23


I’m in San Antonio now, staying with a friend, and relieved to be away from the stress and drama of home. I enjoyed some warmer weather the first day or so but today is a bit cooler and we’ve even seen some flakes. Of course, it’s nothing I can’t handle and I took a nice walk today, the first long and leisurely walk I’ve had in some time. I definitely feel better and not just because of the walk.

I was sad to leave friends and family, especially because I was no able to see (or see enough) some folks, but circumstances just were not enabling me to be the healthier person I want to be. Samantha is clingy enough as is but, as it turns out, I just could not handle that in my current state.

Plus, the fact that mom has someone living in her house and I had no idea, made things a little awkward. She has a lot of space but not a lot of furniture so I had to borrow an air mattress. I’m glad I was able to but it definitely was not the most comfortable of situations and people constantly made me feel like I was demanding unreasonable things and perhaps I was, given that I just decided to drop in, but I do not believe it is so unreasonable to prefer sleeping in a bed.

Mom has additional drama going on in her life, like everyone else I talked to. There was always gossip to be had and Wausau just seemed like a bubble keeping in the drama and crises and keeping out well adjusted-ness. It was frustrating from the start and it is easy to see where I developed some of my bad habits and it is good motivation to stop those habits and learn new ones (like being on time). I definitely am more appreciative of some of the differences I have experienced from Ryan and other people I’ve met since leaving home.

Home is a funny word. I do not think it is appropriate to call Wausau home anymore. San Antonio is not necessarily home either but I do appreciate all it has to offer a bit more (I guess I became accustomed to living in a bigger city, gasp!). For several years, home has been wherever Ryan is and facing the idea of life without him is a bit scary, especially now that I realize I do not necessarily want to return to the place I left almost 4 years ago. I suppose it’s all an opportunity. That’s the silver lining, right?However, my trip was not all a waste. I spent much time with Samantha and Wendy and was even able to see Ashley while she is in transit to their next duty station. I had a blast with my aunt and cousin, enjoyed some local food, and got to see the seasons changing which is something San Antonio definitely lacks. The wrap things up, Wendy and I drove to Appleton on my last full day to visit the history Museum (which has a Houdini feature), an occult-y store and the mall. We ate in a cute little pub which is supposedly haunted and enjoyed wandering around downtown. The day ended on a good note as we pulled into town with the Numa Numa song playing in the background. You can’t ask for much more than that.

I’ve taken some time to relax and unwind which was definitely needed after my trip, even though it was shorter than I had planned and now I am just taking one day at a time.

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