Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Jun 08

Save The Drama For Your Mama

Pardon the cliche. A manager from my first job used to use it and while it annoyed us and the way he said it only made us suspect he was gay but I digress. There’s some drama going on with one of my family members and her husband which has escalated  from petty gossip to a potentially dangerous train wreck of a problem and while the original issue isn’t really anyone’s fault, the current state of affairs is so much more dramatic than it need be.

Long story short, the husband of a family member has a history of mental illness (paranoid schizophrenia, as far as I know) which, in the past, let him to being institutionalized. This hasn’t been an issue as long as she’s known him except that he does seem to have an awful lot of safety deposit boxes and safes. While everyone thought he was strange, maybe eccentric, no one thought anything more of it. Why would they? Why would his wife even think she needed to look into his mental history before marrying?

The past few months, he has really taken a turn for the worse, however. At first it was annoying and weird more than alarming. He would mention things like his family was plotting against him or someone was watching him. He was generally showing a lot of distrust in people. Now, he has spent close to $1,000 having his wife and family investigated – $1,000 he does not have as his health has recently taken a turn for the worse and medical bills are forcing him to file bankruptcy. He goes back and forth, multiple times a day, about whether or not he wants to stay married to his wife. One minute he hates her, the next he wants to buy a house in California. He follows his wife when she visits friends and family and photographs the places she goes. He has acquired somewhere in the vicinity of 8 guns, with ammunition, and even went to far as to try to convince his wife that she needs to put her fingerprints on one of those guns.

It’s unclear whether he was medicated and it stopped working. Or perhaps he stopped taking his medication. There’s also the possibility that he has been fine without his medication for some time and it’s just now become an issue. It could easily have been trigger with his health going downhill.  Either way, while he is acting in a disturbing manner – even scary, I don’t know that it’s his fault. It’s not her fault but she has certainly be reacting in a strange way. At first, she just bitched, making a big fuss but doing nothing. In fact, she bitched for months until someone forced her to call his doctor and the police – both of whom told her they could do nothing at the time.

With the most recent turn of events (the gun/fingerprints comment), she called the police once more and they removed all the firearms from her house so she  could pick them up at the police station and take them someplace her husband cannot access them. She had no idea how many guns were in her house  and considering as she has been spending much time at my mother’s, this worries the hell out of me.

My bone here, is that it never had to go this far. It’s not her fault, of course, but instead of bitching for months she could have done something. It looks like the only feasible option would be to contact his family and have him committed but that certainly seems like the best option for everyone involved. In fact, it could even potentially result in him getting “better” or medicated and their marriage being saved. But she didn’t do that. Instead, she bitched and and slept with some guy.

I don’t know. I wouldn’t be happy if the same thing happened with Ryan but my concern would be dealing with it, for both of our sakes, rather than bitching or cheating. The fact is, no one should have to deal with that but mental illness is a reality we cannot escape; we can only hope to deal with it and by avoiding the heart of the issue, she has caused more drama and damage than ever had to arise from this all. My family doesn’t need that and my sister certainly doesn’t need to be involved in that.

My life doesn’t have a ton of drama and there’s a reason. I don’t let it. Period. It’s really as easy as that. Drop the situations and people who bring drama. Don’t do stupid things. Think before you at or speak. Don’t talk behind other people’s backs. Don’t piss people off just because.  Don’t do anything without good reason. Don’t do drugs. Don’t be a crack whore. Don’t mess with the authorities. Deal with issues that arise, instead of ignoring them. To sum it up: certain people and things will lead to drama; avoid them. If you complain about the drama all the time but allow it into your life, you’re an idiot.

3 comments on “Save The Drama For Your Mama”

  1. It’s very unfortunate that she didn’t get him the help before it escalated to this level. Unfortunately, a lot of people dont’ understand mental illness and don’t know how they should go about helping. It’s very sad. I hope he is able to get the help he needs to get better.

  2. This guy sounds very dangerous, since he is so mentally unstable. Whether it’s his “fault” or not is besides the point, the fact of the matter is: he’s mentally unstable and is already thinking dangerously. She needs to take steps to get out before she or someone else gets hurt.

    P.S. In Firefox 3.0.10 your email field on the comments page shows up white — as does the text.

  3. @Jenn: You know, I think it’s to the point where she cannot simply just get away from the situation. I think the only way everyone can be safe is if he is institutionalized. The reason I brought up whether it’s his fault is because had she a better understanding of the situation and the causes in the beginning, instead of reacting just to him and his actions, it may never have gotten to this point.

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