Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Mar 03


Today I have my scholarship interview. IT lasts for 8 minutes so I need to make a good impression in a short amount of time. I’ve heard everything from it’s fun to it’s intimidating and that the questions are normal and that they’re extremely queer. I am not nervous. Wish me luck. These are local scholarships and the people who give them do not necessarily have the time to interview each of the students so the teachers at school do.

I became nervous in my 6th hour, the class before the interview. There really was no reason because one of the interviewers is my chemistry teacher who I have had for two years and she led the questioning. There was a lot of laughing and that must be a good sign, right? [/edit]

Last night, I walked into one of the doors of the entertainment center and cut my head. Needless to say, I am in an incredibly large amount of pain. It’s a pretty long gash and I would not have come to school if I did not have the interview today. This week I’ve hurt myself 4 different times, and three of them resulted in blood loss. I think perhaps someone should put me in a padded room.

Friday I will not be going to school because mom and Tim are going down to the courthouse to be married! Last night I helped mom pick out which jewelry she would wear and stuff. She bought her dress used and it was only $5. She just needed to sew the zipper back on in a small place. That’s incredibly cheap considering as dresses can be thousands of dollars! It’s a nice dress too.

I have a Chemistry test tomorrow and there is a lot of reading that I need to be doing for my literature classes. I love to read, but I hate having deadlines for it. I have a little over two weeks to finish the book for World Lit and 45 days to do my critique for Modern American Lit. Also, we’re reading a novel in MAL and I have to finish that first. Luckily, I finished the book that I was reading for leisure. It was a great book and I cannot wait for the author to write some more in the series.

Well, a class is coming in to use the computers so I shall take my leave. I’ll edit this post later with some other news.

[edit]Well, here is what is going on with me.
i have lived with financial problems all my life. i am just sick of them and can’t wait to get over them. this is why I’m so dedicated to certain things and in some aspects i won’t even consider failing. it’s not an option because i never want to live with this shit again, nor would i want to have children who must endure it.

that said, tonight the repo guy came and took our car. The killer here is that, Tim (mom’s bf) just called the Nissan people and they said, yes, we understand. The post office likes to lose our mail, and that includes payments for things. Places in town didn’t even receive them and Tim has contacted all of them. This is not the first time and we’re going to take a little trip down the post office because every time our mail is lost in x-file land of the post office Tim must pay $40 to cancel a check. I guess they got their lines crossed, eh? Well they showed up at quarter to ten and Samantha (my 1 year old sister) woke up. The guy didn’t even apologize and it was certainly his duty to do so. These people with a lack of compassionate ought to be shot. So mom and Tim cleaned out the car and they took it and when we want to get it back Tim has to drive 2 hours.

I’m feeling a lot of despair right now. I am also feeling more determined and infallible as ever. I know what I must do and I know I can make it. I refuse to let myself have to live through this any longer than I must. I guess now I’m faced with the fact that before I can be out of this I’ll have to be a poor college student. Well, it’s certainly been done before and I think I can do it.

but I’m terrified of what will become of me once I leave for college. I will be traveling across the country to a place where I know no one and nothing. I don’t even know how I’m going to find a way there nor do I know how I will pay for my living expenses before I start a new job. (I have a job now but the hours are crap and the pay isn’t very good either.) Okay, so I will meet people, yes. I’m just afraid of being lost in the process of getting somewhere in life.

But people say I’m strong and sometimes I even believe them. So I will be strong. I think I’m going to be getting a summer job as my tutoring job will end when school does. Also I’m going to find some applications for hotels or whatnot where I can housekeep on the weekends. A friend of mine and I and are also planning to do some freelance web design for places around here which will help a little.

After typing this it seems a lot simpler. I have this plan and if I can manage to stick to it I may not have to worry about so many things. At least that’s what I’m hoping will happen. I’ll have money for getting down there and maybe some extra. I’m not a big going out person, so that really won’t affect my checkbook so much.

I’ve finished crying, and I do feel a tad refreshed. Sometimes financial problems just really affect me, and I’m not even the one paying the bills. But, I’ll cross that bridge when I arrive there.

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