Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Mar 26

On “Conscious Uncoupling”

So the media is all abuzz with stories about Gwyneth Paltrow and whats-his-face are splitting after ten years of marriage. Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t give two flying fucks about the couple. She’s an airhead with no sense of reality and he makes horrible music. Okay, I don’t know her, but I’m sure this is the case.

I am sad to see a family breaking up, and ten years seems long enough that they should work on it, but maybe her awkward usage of the term “conscious uncoupling” indicates that they have. I don’t know about you, but I don’t consider most breakups to be done in a conscious or thoughtful way. They all seem so sudden — to one person who has no idea that her marriage or his engagement had been wrong to the other person all along.

So the idea that a couple has some together to talk about things that aren’t working and to try to improve them seems like a smart one to me — even if it’s alien to many people. It’s certainly in the best interest of children, who don’t need to see their parents fighting while they try to stay together “for the family” or parents who are fighting through their divorce because they can’t find an agreement when it comes to who gets what.

I think that people need to put at least as much thought into breaking up as they do getting together, and perhaps if people put more thought into coupling, they would be less likely to uncouple.

Everyone is thinking about the awkward wording and focusing on the issue through a macro filter. However, I think the more important issue is how we look at relationships when we think the idea of someone consciously breaking up with someone and being able to remain friends. Of course, I’ll be the first to admit that I sometimes wonder what went wrong with a couple when they seem so willing and able to remain friends and people who care about one another. But maybe it’s better to cut your losses early so you can maintain those type of relationships for your own sanity, the benefit of your children and everyone around you.

And maybe through conscious actions and discussions, you might actually find that your relationship might be worth saving and that all you need to do is remain mindful during the every-day life. Living consciously really makes everything better, so why not “uncoupling,” too?

2 comments on “On “Conscious Uncoupling””

  1. I honestly think a lot of people change and the relationships aren’t always able to keep up with those changes. Personalities, goals, attitudes, looks, etc. When one or both people realize that they want something else, it might be time to split. Then again, no one truly knows the dynamics of anyone else’s relationship completely and I could be completely off base.

  2. Sure, people change, but isn’t one of the exciting parts of a relationship being a catalyst for your partner to become better? Shouldn’t you want to encourage growth and exploration and improvement? I honestly don’t see how two people who want to do that for one another wouldn’t be able to make it work. If your relationship can’t “keep up with the changes,” then you probably have issues with change to begin with. And your life probably sucks and you should consider therapy or becoming a monk or something. Because in that case it’s not that someone changed but that one or both of you sucked to begin with and never should have gotten into a relationship with anyone.

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