Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Jul 05

Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be

In my haste to fix what I broke on the site, I haven’t said much about my personal life; it’s not exactly raging with fun but, recently, I did have a chance to see Oceans 13 and pick up a fictional book about Hitler.

The movie was okay. I loved the first but the second was iffy. I wasn’t super thrilled to see the third, but thought “Why not?” and since Rian’s made me see 150 awful movies, it was his turn to suffer. I thought their excuse to write out the characters of both Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta Jones was weak but at least they got that out of the way and didn’t leave it vague.

Like the original, this movie was full of deceitful twists and turns which were meant not only to confuse the antagonists of the movie but, I suspect, also the viewer. And it worked. Although I caught on much quicker, even though I hadn’t seen the first 2 movies in some time, Rian was quite confused through out the movie, as were others who may not have seen the original and the sequel.

Overall, I enjoyed the movie which contained plenty of action but wasn’t packed full of violence. It’s a light thinker movie. Although there are many subplots, one doesn’t become overly emotionally involved with the characters, although they are relatively likable.

I thought that the movie could have done better at following a plotline; for me, there was no recognizable climax, and therefore the falling action seemed weak because there wasn’t much of a high point.

However, I would recommend it to a fan of the original, overall.

The new book I’ve picked up is Castle in the Forest and certainly seems interesting. I love to read fiction based on true or already established stories such as Wicked by Gregory Maguire or The Forest Lover by Susan Vreeland. I’ve only read a few pages but I’m excited about this one.

Aside from that, we leave for San Antonio next week, for 3 weeks-ish which will be spent with his parents. I’m nervous as I’ve never met them and we’ve already been together for 4 years tomorrow and married for almost 2 of that. Hopefully it goes better than I fear but I can’t help but be overwhelmed by several facts – how out of place I will be (for a million different reasons) and how I am the outsider (who stole away Rian) – and slightly afraid that Rian actually won’t be on my side (if the need arises and it becomes time to pick sides) or that his mother will somehow break us up because I am deathly afraid and/or convinced that she must have it out for me. Bleh. Wish me luck.

I’ve been struggling, unsuccessfully to make an appointment with the ObGYN clinic to have an IUD put in but they’re incredibly busy and perhaps just rude. I initially had a consultation appointment about BC with the primary care department who sent the referral over to ObGYN because the only doctor from primary care who will do it is deployed, only to have ObGYN send it back for no reason. After one STD test (clean), another referral sent to ObGYN and several weeks of waiting, I called them today and was able to make an appointment for another consultation, in August!

I’ve also been something of an emotional mess lately and am looking into counseling and therapy. Go me. I have an appointment to talk to someone next week, which is probably a long time coming and quite overdue, at that. I’m sick of making myself and those around me miserable. I’m sick of being unhappy and I’m sick of my marriage being unstable.

While I think this is a step in the right direction, and also hope we can do some couples sessions as well, I’m really terrified of the demons I’ll have to face or, perhaps, being told that there’s something wrong with me and that there’s nothing they can do for me. I don’t want to be broken forever, unfixable.

I’ve been writing some stuff out to discuss because I know how easy it is to clam up when it comes time to let these things out and I don’t want to do that, no matter how easy it would be to do. I think it’s so easy to lock things up inside my head, especially being so far away from my network of support, that it only makes them worse and I keep avoiding them, only making the monster bigger. Even “speaking aloud” some of my fears here has made them that much easier with which to cope.

So, that’s me in a nutshell. Utterly and impossibly unavoidably human and as such, not perfect.

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