Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Jun 30

Leaving Well Enough Alone

Of course, this post on my shopping blog would be one that Ashe disagrees with. Of course, I had to post it when I was already annoyed with her. Of course, it kind of has to do with one of the reasons I am frustrated with her. Of course, we had to talk about it. Had to. How could we not?! Of course, I couldn’t stop when she said she was getting angry because, by that time, I was, too, and I wanted to be.

The result of all this?

I now realize I don’t believe in dating as a ‘permanent’ station in life. I simply view it as a temporary move between singledom and marriage – neither of which are any better than the other, by the way. It’s generally necessary (unless you’re Dharma and Greg) and, hopefully, enjoyable but it’s not a place I ever desired to stay in for more than a couple of years because, at that point, dating becomes a road block on my journey to marriage. I view dating as something you do until you figure out whether or not you can marry this person and then you stop. You either stop dating and become engaged or stop dating a douche and become single again. If I were to date for years and my partner were unable to show me commitment, I would feel strung along and angry, if you couldn’t tell.

It just reeks of indecision to me. Indecision wastes time. Indecision goes hand in hand with confusion. Grey areas in relationships are never a good sign. If you can’t at least loosely define what the hell it is you’re doing, then I think you need to reconsider. It’s not that I think people should push for marriage to the point of being miserable but if that’s what you want, then you should go for it sooner rather than later. Because marriage is clearly defined. Singledom is clearly defined. Dating is not. I thrive on that definition. I have even less respect for casual dating, for the same reasons, but casual sex is A-okay by me.

This all really exemplifies my dislike for wasting time and not knowing where I stand, so if the goal of dating is marriage, then dating for an extended length of time is wasting it. Of course, I realize that not everyone dates for reasons of getting married but I honestly don’t understand other purposes. You may date many people in the search of someone but once you do find that person, shouldn’t you make the next logical step sooner rather than later? It’s just that, if you love someone and you’re happy with them and you want to be with them for a good long time and you can see that happening, why wouldn’t you get married? Why wouldn’t you want to show that to the world? And if you’re not all of those things, why are you still in the relationship? Furthermore, while it may never be an issue, as soon it becomes one being married in the eyes of the law becomes a huge issue.

4 comments on “Leaving Well Enough Alone”

  1. Ok I have to agree with you on this one. I’ve always seen dating as just the in between stage. You either break up, or you’re together long enough to decide to get married. Otherwise what is the point?

  2. while i agree most people do get married after they have been dating a long time. where as some others do not. they do not see “a piece of paper” as something they need. my aunt and uncle were together like decades before they got married. my cousins were dating almost a decade before they tied the knot. my other cousin and her boyfriend have been dating a while and don’t plan on being married any time soon if ever. promise rings usually symbolize things to come. to some it means a pre-engagement ring to others it may mean something completely different. some other sort of promise that very well may have nothing to do with marriage.

    some may view a promise ring as in decision. others may view it as.. caution.

    most people do view dating as a temporary state of sorts some are perfectly content to stay there.

    to each his own.

  3. But… why?

    And at what point does “caution” become ridiculous? 4 years? 10 years? 20 years? How long do you wait before you realize nothing is ever going to change? Were everything perfect in your relationship how long would you wait before without marriage before you decided enough was enough?

  4. Also, on the idea of “just a piece of paper”. I’ve been there. I was one of those people and then I was faced with a situation where I realized I didn’t exist if I wasn’t Ryan’s wife. When you run into that situation (and it usually deals with death, illness or custody), that piece of paper matters a lot.

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