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Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future.
Denis Waitley

The future it unknown. To me, to you, to anyone. And this used to terrify me. I used to try to control things in the present because I feared the future would be something uncomfortable, something I didn’t want. Ironically, the future did turn out to be something I didn’t want. Only, the future was now my present and I was stuck in it, for better or worse.

So I did the only logical thing and I began learning how to appreciate what I did have: my friends, my family, my pets, my job. I taught myself to be grateful. I began to seek enjoyment from the little things, the things I may have overlooked before. And wouldn’t you know it, I became happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.

And there’s where I am now. So when I look at the future, I don’t fear that I don’t know what it will bring. In fact, I’m pretty sure that it will be more awesome than I could ever imagine. And even if there are bumps in the road, and I am sure there will be, if I can manage to be happy now then I’m pretty sure that I can make myself be happy at any times.

So if you want to know what I am looking forward in the future? I say all of it.

Because no matter what happens. Whether or not I see my friends and family soon, whether I get to plan a Halloween party, whether I wind up moving across the country, whether college happens sooner rather than later, I will be happy regardless. Because my happiness depends not on any person or any event but on me.

I got an acceptance letter, of sorts, from MATC today. It seems I am accepted for the funeral service program (although I don’t know how much I really want to do that so yea..) but with conditions. What the conditions are, I do not know. The letter assures me that many conditionally accepted students progress normally through out there program and I shouldn’t worry. Wait, what?! That means that some students don’t? Because that worries me. I wasn’t worried before but now I am.

I also worry about working with program and financial counselors. The FAFSA thinks we can contribute $7,000 which is much more than the courses will cost (thus no financial aid). I think not. So how many classes I take will really depend on the cost. And, of course, I still have to take the classes online and cannot possibly meet with a counselor face to face. I’m just super anxious that the school won’t work with me on these things and I should have just continued taking individual classes online like I have been doing, especially because one of the more important reasons I applied for the program at this time was to get financial aid. Bleh.

The future, it worries me.