Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Jun 18

Feminism Isn’t About Hating Men

And when people claim that, my knee jerk reaction is to say “Jesus Christ! How dense are you?”

But I don’t want to alienate people who mistakenly think that and want to understand why it’s not true.

Because  it’s not about hating anyone. It may be about hating the system, and perhaps some men who harass, demean, abuse or worse to women deserve loathing, but some people are simply problematic.

However, when it comes to the system, it’s pretty vile. And it’s about more than just an unequal pay scale. It’s about a society that is so entrenched in patriarchy that

  • women are harassed
  • men rape women
  • men abuse woman
  • women compare themselves to others
  • women still make less money for the same work in some fields
  • women are expected to do 100% of the housekeeping and child rearing even when they work outside the home
  • women are made fun of for being or dressing like a prude
  • women are chastised for “Dressing” like a slut
  • women learn to judge themselves and other women on appearance alone
  • women and men fail to see the value of an intelligent, opinionated woman
  • harassment in the street and workplace is accepted
  • wedding/marriage is viewed as the pinnacle of a woman’s life
  • society looks down on women without children (and couples)
  • the worst insult a man could receive is that he is woman-like
  • women are afraid to say “No”
  • the only thing that can stop a come on in many situations is saying “I have a boyfriend”

And the list goes on and on and on and on. For every overt act of sexism — no, hatred against women — there are a million more subtle ways that women have learned to live with. And, yes, I hate it. I hate the way it makes us  feel about ourselves. I hate the way we view other women as competition. I hate that a woman cannot make a suggestion without men ignoring it outright. I hate that a woman’s “emotions” are a valid excuse to stop her from doing anyway.

I hate the system that breeds this, just like many people hate the system that keeps making the rich richer and the poor poorer. Many people hate that system — except for the people it benefits. They like the power, the money and the perks so they keep it going.

Except in terms of politics, the party lines aren’t drawn clearly based on whether or not you have a vagina; although, certain parties are definitely better for women than others. So why is it that people can be angry at the political system but they can’t be angry at the patriarchy?

Why can people not recognize or at least take time to consider that there is a system in place that benefits men. And when something benefits one group of people, it almost always puts down another group of people. In this case, it’s women who are getting the short end of the stick because we don’t have a stick.

And, yes, I hate that. But I don’t hate men. I personally love many men. I also want to live with and feel comfortable with men who I know and not have to worry about my safety with men who I don’t (strangers). I want to live and work with men as family members, teachers, coworkers. I do not want to hate them. But I also don’t want them to benefit unfairly while I struggle because I am a woman.

That’s not unreasonable hatred. That’s fairness. Equality. Logic.

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