The Scrolls

Posts Tagged ‘military’

What the..

I just read the repeal against “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was blocked. I guess supporting our troops is just too much to ask, eh?

Wil Wheaton had it right when he posted this:

I’m going to be sad now.

Strength: In Which Cole Doesn’t Feel Strong

Whenever I blog about Ryan being deployed or mention that my husband is in the military or even anything remotely related I always get a comment about how I must be so strong and how So and So doesn’t know how I do it. They certainly couldn’t. And I appreciate the thought. I appreciate that you listen when I bitch; although, truth be told, I don’t talk about it much here.

But I disagree.

I don’t feel strong. I feel miserable and lonely and frustrated and depressed. I don’t feel any different from how I did 4 years ago (except maybe the lonely). I don’t feel like I’m prevailing or going the extra mile or anything. I don’t feel like a different type of person than the rest of the world. I haven’t gone out of my way to be strong (which I think I have established as something I am not).

I simply do what I have to do. I have taken the only reasonable option there is and that is to be miserable, lonely, frustrated and depressed for the sake of being happy when my husband is by my side. It’s not an option to run back home and pretend this part of my fie never existed (especially with the kitties) or to become a crackwhore or a regular on Craigslist NSA. The only option I have to stick with it.

I find it hard to believe anyone else in my position would do anything different but, then again, I look at the those who have done everything (and worse) that I never even considered an option and I know I’m wrong.

But I still don’t feel strong.

I’m bad

And not like Michael Jackson – may he RIP. (Somehow I think it will be the first time he’s found peace). But bad at updating. I don’t to be one of those people who apologizes, whose only posts on their blog are about their lack of blogging. So I won’t. Instead I’ll talk about my last blog post.

It came on the heals of news that several of my friends are abroad for various reasons and, admittedly, I felt a rather sharp pang of jealousy. The idea of heading into the real world once more is frightening, especially in the current economic conditions. I worry that the Air Force is the only chance we’ll ever have to do anything and I don’t want to throw that chance away. Despite the fact that we lived in Japan, it wasn’t something I wanted to do or someplace I wanted to be.

In some ways I feel like my life plans are even further behind and/or unattainable because I married so young. All these friends of mine have graduated within the last year or so and are still single and that makes things so much easier. Of course, I would likely feel the same regret had Ryan and I not married. I guess there’s just not helping that but it still sucks sometimes to think about it.

Anyway, after discussing things with Ryan, we decided to stay the course of the plan we chose. It won’t be the life I left, but that doesn’t have to be bad, either. It’s a risk to take but it would also be a risk of he stayed in and we have no guarantee that any of the things which are causing us misery now would change. In my head, the idea of him staying in mostly sounded good only if certain things happen and, in reality, we just can’t control those things.

I don’t know if I feel any better but at least we’ve made our decision and I have a goal, of sorts. And if things really go bad, he can always reenlist and then we can say we tried, at least.

Leaving on a jet plane

You’d think I would blog about something as big as moving around the world, back to my home country if not exactly in the same place as my home state. But, no, not me. There wasn’t a “bye guys” or even a “see you later.” I don’t know why but things like that sometimes become so normal to me that I forgot to mention them.

So “Bye” and “Hi” again. On Tuesday i flew for nearly 24 hours on 3 different flights, with my husband, from Misawa to San Antonio. We said good bye to Misawa, friends, Japan, great food, small roads, unusual customs and language barriers.

We were greeted by my in laws at the airport and have been staying at their place for the last few days. In just 3 days I have managed to become sun burned; I thought I could do without the sunblock but I now know better. We’ve also gone car shopping but haven’t done a lot of stuff that I’m sure we will have plenty of time to do.

During the journey we were bombarded with snooty gay stewards, bus rides across Tokyo, exhaustion, know-it-all Air Force entrants on their way to basic training and bad food. We also were unfortunate enough to spend twice as much money on perfume I’d had my eye on for some time as we would have here at Target. However, I did pick up a really cute lucky cat keychain.

So here I am, homeless and in a most awkward situation. Sun burned but alive and I’ll probably survive even longer.

Ugh

You know what else?
The sheets and blankets have numbers written on them in permanent marker.
Ghet-to.

Look what the cat dragged in

A wet little Cole. Wonder where she came from? Well, I’ll tell you.

She was living in her apartment with no furniture save for an air mattress and all her belongings being shipped overseas. Then they kicked her out (in reality, housing came and must have decided the place was fine, so we handed over the keys) and she spent countless hours (more like 5) wandering aimlessly through the slums (having breakfast and reading at the library). Then she was forced into tiny accommodations without climate control (a room at the Misawa Inn; no A/C) with a crazy alien (Ryan).

And now she’s tortured by medieval devices (really slow computers) because the sadists (lodging personnel? Services?) don’t believe in magic (wireless networks).

In reality, I’m not horrible. The room was surprisingly ghetto and I’m disappointed but I’m sure you all know how critical I can be and anything is better than nothing, really. Our room isn’t even in the main building; I’m not sure if that makes it any worse but it seems like little more than a glorified dorm room (same set up and everything) with furniture supplied.

It is quite hot but – they’re so sweet that – they left fans in the closet. Only 1 of them didn’t work! They were also really thoughtful to leave us complimentary items like coffee and shampoo but those are complimentary only for the first night’s stay and after that any items we silly travelers have “forgot” are available for purchase at the front desk, or so says the signs everywhere. It’s quite rude.

The shower is really nasty. I mean, it’s not horrible but it’s not hotel quality by any means! The metalworkd used to have gold on it which has worn off and looks all nasty. The showerhead shoots you with water, not a nice spray, and although there is a knob to adjust, it goes from painful to fatal. The tub fauce also is connected to a pipe which sticks out from a hole in the wall so there’s a gap between the wall and the faucet.

On the plus side, there’s a kitchenette supplied with some dishes which will make life a little easier, and we have a dozen TV channels (that’s 11 more than we had in the apartment) to flip through discontentedly. I also have some Netflix we can finished up (which reminds me, I need to put my account on hold).

Interestingly enough, right after we got into the room yesterday, we lost power because of a lightning strike! When does that ever happen?

The Bare Necessities

So Ryan thinks my blog sucks these days or something. Whatever. d= I do think it’s suffered a bit from me being busy with some others projects, some of which are more secretive than others.

The moving stuff has also kept me busy periodically. I am not officially living in a stuff-less apartment – no furniture (we invested in an air mattress), no dishes, no computer, no good fan, no TV (and no DVDS to go with it). Needless to say, I’m pretty bored.

I can only spend so much time on the laptop. A) because it sucks. B) Because it’s uncomfortable to use and C) because I don’t have my stuff on here I can only do a little shallow e-mail checking and web surfing – nothing that I get really busy with.

I’ve been playing a lot more DS – I got back into Nintendogs. I also just finished a book and have a few more to keep me busy. It’s not enough though. Luckily, this is only for a few days until we go to the inn which will at least have a DVD player (and furniture!) to keep us busy. It’s also within walking distance to pretty much everything on base and most things right off base, too.

The getting ready was a little frustrating. My sleeping schedule is not conducive to happy days. I had been up for some time when the movers showed up around 8:30 – although I swear the guy said some time between 11 and 3 – and they only took about 2 and a half hours to wrap everything and move it to the truck. It was definitely fast but, then, I suppose it is their job!

Unfortunately, some things were packed that I didn’t intend to be (plastic silverware, duh!) and that shouldn’t have been (we were told no spices so I put them aside but they packed them anyway) and some things didn’t make the cut (most cleaning things). One of the thing I hate about moving is that you seem to have to throw away so much perfectly useful stuff because it doesn’t necessarily pay to move it and it may not be expensive or hard to replace but I still hate getting rid of stuff I paid for. I like to use things up to the last drop.

That’s all for now folks.