The Scrolls

Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

Turn the Page

In the book that is Cole’s life, this chapter would start with something stereotypical such as “I never expected to return home and part of me dreaded it, as much as the rest of me was looking forward to it.” I would continue on with words about how things were not how they were when I left them (true), how I needed to cut ties with some of the people and things that used to be part of my life (also true) and how, despite all this, things would turn out even more amazingly that I could ever imagine (the truest).

I think what surprises me most about returning home is not the reconnections I looked forward to but the new connections I am constantly fostering. I have become good friends with complete strangers and better friends with mere acquaintances. The area itself and the individual people in it are continuing to surprise me. I never realized my home town, my home state was so full of versatility, options and adventure.

If you hadn’t noticed, the holidays were a little difficult and moving was stressful. I wasn’t able to be as positive as I’d have liked and that in itself was bringing me down a bit. I have been so positive these last few weeks, however. I’ve been dealing with, if not managing to overcome my anxieties and, at the end of the day, I am most surprised–yet pleased–with myself. As confident as I might sometimes appear, I guess I never knew I had it in me.

I am so fucking glad to be exactly where I am.

The Happiness Myth

I have been a big proponent of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy since I began it, earlier this year. Yet, the basic idea behind it is that your thinking is wrong and you should change it. In some situations, this is helpful but in others, telling yourself that you are “wrong and can think other ways” only makes you feel worse. Technically, I suspect that this specific train of thought isn’t really following the guidelines of CBT but it’s easy to have.

I then discovered a conversation about CBT and another form of therapy that is becoming more popular–Accept and Commitment Therapy. ACT puts a focus on noticing your thoughts, feelings and what professionals call “personal events” and accepting then. Instead of changing your thoughts, the focus shifts to identifying values and commuting to them, regardless of your thoughts. It’s an interesting take on distancing yourself from your thoughts and learning that it’s just a feeling or just a thought. These events lose their power over your.

I think I actually revert to some ACT-like thought processes when CBT lets me down. It’s not all the time but sometimes it just feels as though it’s not enough. So, as I was trying to envision just what ACT is, I discovered some books by the founder, Stephen Hayes, and other professionals. Interestingly enough, I noticed a running trend. Hayes and others suggest that making happiness a goal is misleading and I concur. In fact, I would go so far as to say that aiming for happiness can actually deter you from achieving it. The underlying theme is that life is difficult and maybe we’re not meant to always be happy and that’s okay.

I agree.

I mean, sometimes we will have difficulties and we won’t be able to smile all the time. Forcing ourselves to do so can actually make us feel worse. And sometimes people do really stupid things in the name of “I’m not happy.” So what? Are you safe? Healthy? Content? Maybe you don’t need to be happy right now. Maybe happiness is one of those ideals that sound good but actually cause people to be miserable. Isn’t that a little ironic?

Maybe the reality of life is, if you always expect happiness, you’re going to be let down.

The Future is Calling

Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future.
Denis Waitley

The future it unknown. To me, to you, to anyone. And this used to terrify me. I used to try to control things in the present because I feared the future would be something uncomfortable, something I didn’t want. Ironically, the future did turn out to be something I didn’t want. Only, the future was now my present and I was stuck in it, for better or worse.

So I did the only logical thing and I began learning how to appreciate what I did have: my friends, my family, my pets, my job. I taught myself to be grateful. I began to seek enjoyment from the little things, the things I may have overlooked before. And wouldn’t you know it, I became happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.

And there’s where I am now. So when I look at the future, I don’t fear that I don’t know what it will bring. In fact, I’m pretty sure that it will be more awesome than I could ever imagine. And even if there are bumps in the road, and I am sure there will be, if I can manage to be happy now then I’m pretty sure that I can make myself be happy at any times.

So if you want to know what I am looking forward in the future? I say all of it.

Because no matter what happens. Whether or not I see my friends and family soon, whether I get to plan a Halloween party, whether I wind up moving across the country, whether college happens sooner rather than later, I will be happy regardless. Because my happiness depends not on any person or any event but on me.