Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Jul 20

Living the Life

The other day I had a terrible dream. It was one of those emotional dreams where you wake up and you still have the feelings you had in your dreams.. even those it was just a dream. Even though you’re awake now, and none of that actually happens. But your mind has gone ahead and processed everything and all the hormones and chemicals have brought you to that place anyway.

In the middle of that terrible dream, I looked at someone and said “I wish I was at home in my PJs with my cat.”

And I woke up, in my PJs next to Phantom.

In my time of duress in my dream, the only thing I wanted was to get back to my regular life. I didn’t want anything more than that. I woke up to that place, comforting and full of love. Emotionally stable. Free to do as I please.

Since that night, I have been ridiculously grateful of my life. Of the people and things in it.

All things considered, I am in a good place. A place where I am happy to remain; although, I am open to better things, they would have to be significantly better to motivate me to stray

As emotionally tumultuous that dream may have been, it was certainly something I needed.

Dec 28

Quirks Mode

Having successfully spent more than one night in the new apartment—a good three weeks after I signed the lease—I am now operating in what I call “quirks mode.” That is, I am learning the quirks of the new place. For example, the mailbox door requires you to push down to open it and you may have to push the dishwasher door slightly to the right in order to shut it properly. The ceiling light in my bedroom makes a slight buzzing noise, sometimes, and the switch operates it from high-medium and then to low. I wish I could say the water heater issues were only due to a quirk but that is not the issue and it required a plumber (albeit, a fairly good looking one) to fix it. Four days without hot water may not sound that extreme but I can tell you that it felt awful and there was nothing more amazing than taking a hot shower this morning. I will have to remember to be grateful for that.

It is that very same gratefulness that will pull me through when I’ve had a bad day, when I’ve dropped furniture on my fingers or toes, when the DirecTV technician incorrectly informs me of policies and fails to install the damned thing after I have waited all day, when the cats have kept me up at night and I have been unable to fall asleep despite a very important meeting in the morning. When the Internet is shoddy and I have had one too many quirks for my liking, I will remember to be grateful. Hopefully, I will not wind up hating my home as I have previous abodes.

Because, hey, nothing can really be that bad as long as you have a hot shower—and your own bathroom to shower in, even if the cats keep forcing the door open because it does not close all the way. d=

Mar 31


I am trying to be more grateful and gracious. It is a trying process. I guess no one said change or growth were easy but I didn’t expect it to be this hard. Still, it’s helpful to take time out to consider everything I do have to be grateful for. It would be easy for me to say “nothing” right now but that would also be short sighted.

First and foremost, I am grateful for my friends and family who love me no matter how flawed I am. And you better believe this model comes with her fair share of flaws.

I absolutely adore my kitties who have made the past year and a half a ball of fun and insanity. I love that Ryan loves them, too, because no one expected that from him.

I appreciated that my life has taken me across the country and across the world. I may never travel again but I still have some awesome destinations under my wing.

I am thankful for the head on my shoulders which may be a little perplexed right now but is otherwise pretty intelligent and has helped me get through a lot.

I love that you folks are reading and commenting on my blogs. Maybe this ought to be an ode to the internet in general but the fact that I can type up some shit here and someone across the country might care is awesome. Plus, I am grateful for all the opportunities I have had because of my websites including products to review and making money.

I totally am thankful that others who have gone through hard times have written books about it. And so have the folks who know how to help a person through a rough patch. I’m reading all sorts of books which are helping me cope right now.

I am thankful that Ryan is a nice guy even when he doesn’t want to be.

I am thankful for warm sun and cool breezes. Long walks to no where. Good jokes (and sometimes even bad ones). Yummy food. A therapeutic shower. My ability to articulate.

I am grateful for having known love as powerful and sometimes devastating as it is. To know that it simply exists makes everything worthwhile.

I am grateful for silly, late night chats. Inside jokes. Fun and slushy drinks.

I love that music exists. If I have felt it, there is a song which describes it. If I feel like moving, there is a song which prompts me to do so. If I don’t know how to say it, someone else does.

I am also thankful for my youth. And, when the mirror is being nice, my good looks. ;)

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