Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
May 26

#YesAllWomen Deserve Better Than #MisogynyCulture

I follow several feminist blogs, Tumblrs, authors and communities. It’s a topic that is near and dear to my heart even when something so horrible as a young man hunting down and murdering 6 people isn’t in the news because even when it’s pretty “good” to be a woman, it’s still pretty bad. The typically sudden but sometimes overt viewpoints, words and actions condoned by a society that hasn’t made nearly enough progress since the 1950s — I don’t care what you say — has led to the death of those 6 people. In addition, another young woman named Alyssa took her own life after harassment for being in a porn flick.

This past week has been littered with women dying because it is essentially a crime to be a woman and expect to be more than chattel. I don’t know how to express my frustration except that I know it shouldn’t be discussed and thought about only by people — mostly women — who already realized what a problem exists in this misogynistic world  and most certainly it shouldn’t be a topic only when the “really” terrible things happen. We should be talking about it every day to make this a better place not just for our children but for us right here and right now.

The longer we let this bullshit go on, the more women die. More men rape women because they don’t understand what rape is. More men continue to stalk. And more people, men and women alike, blame the victims for this as if they can control predatory and sexist behavior.

And the longer men continue to be miserable and angry because they don’t understand that their entire line of thinking — the worldview that they’ve been taught for their entire lives — is wrong. If you really care about men’s rights, then will recognize the only way to improve their lives is first by providing true equality and safety for women. There is no other answer.

And I am pissed as a feminist. How could I not be? But I am simply angry as a decent human being who would like people to stop dying because of hatred for women, because of a belief that women are not real people.

As much as I want to be angry at Elliot Rogder, I recognize that he didn’t deserve this, either. He didn’t deserve to die. He deserved a chance at a happy life and not through becoming rich or finally having sex. He deserved a world where he would be taught that he wouldn’t always get what he wanted and this didn’t have to mean unhappiness for him.  But the lesson that would have literally saved his life went with him to the grave.

Elliot was obviously looking for answers. I’d hazard a guess that many men are. Even some women. Unfortunately, the answers he found led to his death and that of six other people. Because those answers were wrong:

Because this is what the Men’s Rights Movement does: it spreads misogyny, it spreads violence, and most of all it spreads a sense of entitlement towards women’s bodies.

It’s easy to write this off as a one-time thing. Many people have. This terrible event has sparked discussions about mental health and gun rights. I am all for conversations about this when the time is right. Now is not that time. Because what Elliot did wasn’t a one-time thing of a “lunatic.” It was a symptom of something even greater.

You only have to look toward the next headline, the tragic suicide of Alyssa, to see this. While Elliot was angry at women who wouldn’t have sex with him, Alyssa was slut-shamed. Two sides of the same damning coin. She had sex on camera so she’s a slut even though a man wouldn’t receive the same treatment. It gets worse, though. She kills herself and the Internet is full of comments such as “You deserved to die but I watched and liked your video, anyway.” I can’t even comprehend how someone could think that this is okay. But it’s clear that if you’re a woman, you cannot win. Or even live.

I don’t know how we can live in a society where people are allowed or even influenced to think in ways that promotes this behavior. The harassment. The rape. The assault. The stalking. The entitlement to a woman’s body. The murder. But here we are in that society. And I think I will not rest until it is no longer that society.

If you’d like to be supportive or to understand how damaging rape culture and msyogny are to women, you only have to look at the hashtag #YesAllWomen on Twitter. Or Facebook. Or Tumblr. Just beware that you’re going to see ignorant and hate-fueled arguments in returns because “OMG what about men’s rights?!” and “She had it coming.”

 


Jan 22

Sex and Video Games

For a while, I’ve jokingly talked about an analogy that sex (and masturbation) and video games are pretty similar. As I was thinking about it tonight, I became more convinced of my rightness. Grammar FTW. So I decided to sit down and blog about it because, you know, funnies.

In an effort to make this awesome, I asked a friend for ideas. This is the ensuing conversation?

“What makes video games and sex alike”

“I’m usually just playing with myself?”

So that’s a thing, FYI.

How Sex and Video Games Are Alike 

  • Sometimes you just want to watch someone else play.
  • They’re both better when you make noise.
  • It sometimes takes longer than it should to finish.
  • But, sometimes, you finish and wonder what the hell just happened.
  • You blunder through it your first time and hope you’re doing it right.
  • It’s all about finding the right angle.
  • Your hand can cramp up after a while.
  • You often forget to stop to eat or drink.
  • Sometimes you look ridiculous doing it.
  • The  Internet is fully of videos of it.
  • Sometimes you just know you’re not going  to finish.
  • The world likes to view  both as a man’s world — and double standards run rampant in both cultures.
  • Men are constantly creating fantasies in both, and these fantasies typically revolve around unrealistic portrayals of women.
  • Sometimes you just need to stop and shower.

And the most important reason that sex and videos are alike: they’re both better when I play with you. ;)

 


Aug 15

Because not everyone sucks

I’ve stumbled across a few links lately that make me happy–not in a “This is so cute way” but in the “hey, maybe the world isn’t so shitty after all” way.

In this post, Michael Ian Black discusses a picture he ran across online in which two hefty girls are having a blast in their bras. Kudos to him for being a sincere human being. Kudos to them for being awesome.

A commenter on a ridiculous meme that supposedly insults liberals (I say “supposedly” because it’s done really badly) has this to say:

You know how I know you’re a conservative?

-Your writing is clunky and you confuse wordy sentences with sounding smart
-You capitalized about seven things that didn’t need to be
-You misspelled “liberal” and “Rachel” (that’s how she spells it) in the last bullet -You think the kids these days have “top friends” on Facebook.

A post on sluthaditcoming shows why the Old Spice guy advertising scheme is completely misogynistic as a humorous conversation between the Old Spice guy, feminist Hulk and Judith Butler.

And this image is made of win.

Ladies Liberty and Justice kissing


Jul 26

Because sometimes talking about is all you can do

I am no super activist. I don’t picket. Or burn my bras. I’m not even good at boycotting stuff. But I talk and, perhaps more importantly, I listen. This is how I’ve come to learn a lot more about issues like feminism and women’s rights in the recent months. And the more I learn, the more I agree. And the more I learn and agree, the more I talk. And not everyone wants to hear about movements. A lot of people are okay with the status quo. A lot of people don’t want to put their necks on the chopping block. People don’t want to lead the fight.

That’s okay. You don’t have to. You can just talk about it. After all, I am only one person. I can only do so much but instead of that convincing me that I shouldn’t try at all, I’ll just open an avenue of communication and help spread the word as much as I can. Isn’t that what change is, anyway? Isn’t knowing half the battle? Even if I’m imparting knowledge to people who may not necessarily care. They may still take something away fro the conversation. And movements need people at every level.

If enough individuals open up those lines of communication and spread knowledge and awareness, change will come. Uniformity will happen. Bonds will form. It may not be easy. Or quick. And sometimes it may not be legal. Yet, I have never shied away from doing something because I was afraid it would be too hard (okay, except for calculus. Sorry Roch!) and I don’t intend to start now.

If all I can do is talk about the things that matter, then I plan to do it.


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