Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Mar 21

It’s Okay

I am me and by “me” I mean that I am many things, some good and some bad. After all, I am only human and none of us are perfect. I am struggling right now with some heavy stuff. At the same time, I am learning to let the little things go (I am, in fact, reading Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…); it is not always easy however. The book advises us to accept ourselves for all we are, including the bad parts. The sooner we accept our negative feelings, the more efficiently we can work through them instead of denying that they exist which makes them into bigger issues.

Understandably, I am having many negative emotions right about now. I am angry and sad. I am hurt and regretful. I am scared. I feel disappointed and regretful. My heart is breaking. I feel lost. But that’s okay. That is all to be expected. It is entirely normal. It would be scary if I did not feel those things.

Despite how I feel, I know that I will be okay, eventually. No matter how things turn out. Life is not hopeless, even if I feel that way sometimes. It would be a shame to get divorced, that’s true, but I am resilient. If I didn’t learn to deal with what life throws at me, I would have killed myself a long time ago.

And, truth be told, I’m glad I didn’t because then I wouldn’t have spent the last 7 years with Ryan and I would regret that far more.

Mar 14

I Second that Emotion

There are just some times when you listen to the lyrics of a song and you wonder how someone could possibly be writing the very things which you are thinking and feeling yourself. In some ways, I can take parts of many songs and apply them to me and I always have been able to. When I was a teenager, I felt such a deep connection to music and the enjoyment I derived from listening to it was emotionally based. Over time, I became less angsty, angry and broken hearted and I found that I just couldn’t feel music the way I used to. On the one hand, I knew this was because I was feeling better but part of me couldn’t help but wonder if I wasn’t somehow feeling less, instead. I did begin to enjoy music in a different way, however; I began to enjoy music for its sound and its beats. I developed an appreciation for music which is good to move to but it just wasn’t the same. I felt a little bit like I’d lost a part of myself.

Now that my life has spiraled out of control, I find myself feeling music in a way I hadn’t in years.. but I wish it weren’t the case. I wish I couldn’t feel the lyrics quite so easily. I wish those sentiments didn’t apply to me. Call it a case of not appreciating what you have when you have it. Maybe I was just caught up in thinking the grass was greener in the past-ure (haha, bad joke). So I know it won’t help to repeat that attitude now but I cannot help but feel a tinge of regret.

Mar 05

It’s Pink

And not just my sister’s favourite colour. It’s my newest musical obsession, I guess. I happened to catch a concert of hers on TV the other day and I was really impressed with how she treated her audience and her show was simply amazing. She puts a lot of effort into it and it’s very entertaining. She also comes off as a very real person.

I remember liking her when she first came out. I liked her brand of “girl power” which, while feminine, has never been.. well, girly. And her songs are just so anthemic of my life right now; so many of them portray my feelings to a T. I guess I never realized how much I like her as an artist.

You know what else? She’s hot. Like, seriously. I’d do her.

Dec 29

Musically Inclined

I have felt.. moved my music more and have wanted to move to music more lately. I listen to it and it strikes a deeper chord than it’s done with years. I’ve never been one of those people who could just give or take music, never much thought about it. It’s always had some importance in my life and that importance has changed over time, of course. I noticed I hadn’t been feeling music the same way I once had and it made me a little sad. I think I wasn’t feeling much of anything for a while but now I just kind of want to, sing along and loud.. and maybe find something else to sing or move along with.

So give me a band and/or song suggestion? Recommend me a song that’s just great to feel or something that is lyrically significant. And I’ll let you know what I think.

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