Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Aug 17

5 Reasons Why Bartenders Hate Me

  1. I’m the chick who brings her phone in and shows them all the drinks I want that are more complicated than they should be. Hey, get some glasses, people! Anyway, Baileys Chocolate Covered Cherry is a delicious shot.
  2. But if I didn’t do that, I’d never know what I want. Seriously.  I don’t know the names of alcohols, and I usually describe what I want by color or a single ingredient. Good luck with that, buddy. That’s why I don’t make my own drinks. Well, that and the fact that I am terrible at making stuff that won’t kill me.
  3. I suck down my drinks too fast. Seriously. Sloooqqqqppp. And gone.
  4. I play all those typical bar songs on the jukebox. Man, I just wanna sing along to some classic rock. Why is that so bad, huh?
  5. I’m a bad tipper. I don’t know why. I just feel like bartenders don’t deserve the tip. This is awful, I know. maybe

PS. I may be a little drunk right now.

Jukebox

Bitch, please. This is my jam.


Feb 09

Shit I Said Last Night

  • i always get perverted when i’m crying
  • lebanese men are delicious especially the little ones
  • someone should put him (obama) out
  • i think my face is the wrong size
  • i don’t like dildo rape COMMA terminator COMMA megatron
  • It was dericious
  • Don’t dwink a dwum full of wum

 

Shit others said about me:

 

cole gets really racist when she drinks water #keepthembitchesinline

 

As some point I decided I needed to fuck a bartender for the benefits. Apparently I turned purple when the waitress startled me. She later said she’d have to give me a time limit on my drinks in the future.

Yea, good times.


Sep 30

Well, that was fun.

The last time I wrote a post talking about how I’d gotten drunk the night before, it wasn’t so happy. It’s different this time. Friday was my best friend’s birthday and she asked if  I wanted to go out after she finished work. I figured it would be fun and had no better plans, anyway, so we headed to a bar with her husband to meet her cousin. For some reason, probably an empty stomach, my drinks really hit me and I was soon feeling the alcohol. I had no more than two shots and two mixed drinks, but they did me in.

However, I was with friends, so instead of freaking out, I was laughing  bubbly and silly. I entertained everyone and was entertain myself. It was really the first time that drinking was any fun, and it was all an accident. It made me want to go out and drink with friends again. Perhaps I just hadn’t been with the right people before. Unfortunately, several of my friends are now pregnant. What’s up with that?

The night produced some quotes that seemed funny at the time. You can tell me if they’re still funny.

I’d be a dick, too, if my vagina was full of sand.

I’m trying to add ‘fucked’ but it’s hard.

I feel all wibbly wobbly. Will David Tennant have sex with me?

I have to pee. Don’t eat my cheese.


Jan 28

Last Night

Last night was among one of the crazier things I’ve done in my life and, to be honest, it wasn’t that crazy for a lot of people. It was for me, though.

I was a little sad, somewhat annoyed, exhausted and a whole lot of angry. So I did the adult thing, downed an entire bottle of alcohol and posted all my angry, man-hating thoughts for the world to see on Facebook/Twitter.

This is not an apology.

I mean, it was annoying, I can give you that. But I am not sorry. I needed a night to not care. I needed some time to refrain from being the responsible adult. I needed to express anger and I needed to let myself feel sadness and I needed to let it all out — which I pretty much never do.

Luckily, I did so in a pretty entertaining way and no one seems upset with me. In fact, the general consensus is pretty much that I would be a hoot to drink with when, you know, I wasn’t full of angry hate. I think anyone who knows me even moderately understands that I am not that person. I have tried so very hard to be responsible, mindful, positive and strong in the past couple years. I’ve made great strides but sometimes I needed a reminder that I don’t have to be those things all the time.

Last night, I found support from some awesome people, who I would expect to be there, and some awesome people who surprised me by being there. They all surprised me by telling me it was okay for me to feel and act the way I felt and acted because they understood.

I also knew that I would sleep on it and feel better in the morning. Which I did, more or less. Some of the things that set me off didn’t matter in the morning light and some of them are going to make me feel a little blue for a while but none of them are the end of the world or even any worse than anything I’ve had to handle before. And I guess that makes me feel pretty good. Maybe I just needed to check out for a little bit but I’m awesome enough to know how far out I can go and able to reel it back in when I need to.

What happened last night won’t be a regular occurrence, thankfully, but last night needed to happen.


Aug 02

Grumble-mumble-giggle-fall

I went out last night and got really super drunk. This is a first for me. Same with the damned hangover.

I do not plan to make this a frequent occurrence as I really don’t think I should be doing and saying all those silly things like I did last night.