The Scrolls

Posts Tagged ‘cats’

Mr Cuddlepants

Mr. Cuddlepants is my nickname for Phantom. One of many, actually. It is a somewhat patronizing nickname; although, it’s also suitable. You see, Phantom loves to cuddle his mommy and, as his mommy I love that he loves to cuddle. But he has certain requirements. He only cuddles in the bedroom and usually only if I have a specific blanket on the bed. When I say cuddle, what I really mean is that he kneads in proximity to me. See, he was separated from his kitty mommy too early, so he kneads and sucks on blankets like a kitten would. Often, this kneading leads to claw marks on his human mommy, but I try to deal with it because I like being close to him.

While Phantom remains curiously aloof with other people, we have a strong bond. In fact, my roommate has never even heard him purr. If you visit, he’s friendly. He’ll come right up, smell you out and then promptly leave when he’s figured you out. There’s no doubt that he’s a smartypants. There’s a reason why he looks so intelligent and I always describe his cunning and his badassery.

Yes, I’m still talking about a cat.

He is mentally and physically at the top of his game, boys and girls.

But, behind the bedroom door, he is Mr. Cuddlepants, a little boy who loves his mommy and shows it in a very specific way.

5 Things That Are Harder to Do Because of My Cats

Sleeping

Seriously. If it’s not from Goliath meowing randomly and clawing at the door or banging his food dish. Or Phantom pawing the bottom of the dresser, running over my body, climbing the walls and knocking stuff off the dresser. Or maybe he’s waking me up for cuddles. Or maybe they’re chasing each other through the house. They’ve been especially bad lately. If I can get to sleep, I wake up multiple times due to the cats anyway.

Making the bed

Maybe my first point doesn’t even matter since I can’t make Phantom stop chasing the sheets long enough to get them on the bed. Oh, and remember how excited I was to have satin sheets? Maybe a bad idea. They look pretty horrendous now.

Walking

Have you ever taken a step only to step on your cat and then you feel super bad when they meow? Or maybe you’ve moved forward when a cat was trying to jump onto something — directly in your path — and it collided with you bodily? My favorite is when I move my leg forward and it collides — midair! — with a cat.

Dressing

Anything with straps or strings. Anything that flows and moves. Phantom’s on it and his claws are in me. Ow ow ow.

The Internet.

How many pictures have I taken of the laptop on my lap and Goliath all on top? Yea, a lot.

I Should Get a Fish

Why, you ask? I’ll tell you why.

• Fish eat less than cats.
• They do not chew on plastic.
• They do not make sounds.
• I don’t have to clean out a litter box.
• They don’t walk all over your person.
• Or yawn in your face.
• Or chew/scratch your body.
• Or scratch at carpet.
• Fish take up less room.
• Fish don’t climb doorways.
• Fish don’t bang their food dishes when they’re hungry; they just die.

These are the reasons I should get a fish if you ignore the fact that fish are stupid  pets. Insted, I have these:

 

That is not a toy

AKA a list of non-toy-things that the cats effin’ love

• Q-tips
• Chopsticks
• Milk hug rings
• Chapstick
• Batteries
• Bugs
• Feet
• The mattress
• Ties/strings on my shirts

These are just a few of their favorite things!

Phantom’s Box

According to “The Internet,” you should include photos in your blog, possibly at least one photo in each post. Now, that sort of seems like overkill to me but you know I’m all about the words (AKA I’m a wordy bitch) but I figured it couldn’t hurt to improve your day with some cat shots. After all, my friends looove when I send all sorts of cat images to their phones!

So, this is Phantom’s box. I call it Phantom’s box because Phantom loves it. I’m so creative, I know!

Phantom’s box originally contained a shipment of Pure Romance goodies for review. The packaging was pretty and smart, consisting of crimped strips of paper and tissue paper. I temporarily left the box on the floor and, before I knew it, Phantom decided it was his bed. When I’d go to bed, he’d come into the room and crawl into his, a tiny ball surrounded by pink.

It remained Phantom–and only Phantom’s–bed for a while until Goliath discovered it. Then it became sort of warped, the sides flexing outward at the weight of his bulk. Goliath will sometimes sleep next to the box when Phantom is in it or they’ll have a licking-turned-fighting moment where Goliath will take over the box.

Phantom hasn’t been in his box as much lately. He likes my new bedding but, last night, I woke up and he was there again so I think I’ll keep it around.

It’s Okay

Things are okay now. They were quite trying for this past week or so. First, there’s that monthly visit that I never know when to expect thanks to my IUD. Then, my computer began acting up at an alarming rate and my attempts to fix it (updating the BIOS, first, then reinstalling Windows) either were no help at all, proved more difficult than intended or actually made things worse. Computer problems really make me worry because a) I spent so much on it and b) I need my computer in order to make money so that I can pay rent and feed the cats and, you know, live. Although my computer is currently performing at a less than ideal state, it’s workable so there’s that. I’ll be enlisting the help of one of my geeky friends to completely reformat and re-do the partitions on Thursday so, hopefully, that’ll cover everything.

Then there’s taxes.. which I really put off because I was afraid of how much I was going to have to pay. Such is the life of a freelance writer. Self employment kind of sucks in that way. So I stressed over making the appointment, which they then had to change, so I stressed for a few more days. Luckily, it’s all over with (except for the envelope that I have to mail to the state) and the total was less than anticipated. But, wow! The fees I paid to H&R block were just ridiculous. Sure, they’ll file your federal return for free but I paid over $235 because of my self employment. Eesh. =/ It definitely helped me to pay less for taxes so it’s worth it but it’s an outstanding amount nonetheless.

Besides those really big things that have had me on edge, I’ve had some unexpected issues arise. Last night I went to grab my earbuds to listen to my music and–lo and behold!–I grabbed pieces of them. Literally. One of the cats chewed them them completely in multiple spots. Now, if you’ve been following my review blog, you’ll see I’ve purchased quite a few sets already this year due to cats as well as shorting out. Today, I had the opportunity to purchase my seventh pair in three months.

To add to my frustration, the chain to my favorite necklace is missing. It as last on the bathroom counter and I suspect that some furry one knocked it down the drain. This isn’t an end of the world situation but I find myself frequently having to replace necklace chains. It’s hard for me to find one that I like because the ones I like are just the basic chains that come with pendants. They’re not really meant to be sold. The chain from this necklace, specifically, was an antique and a bit heavier than you tend to find these days as well.

And so, I’ve spent the last few days being grumpy physically uncomfortable, anxiety-ridden and probably not much fun to be around. I really wanted to blog about it but I guess I didn’t want to ruin my “winning” streak. You see, it’s become important to me that others see me as happy, that I see myself as happy and sometimes I feel like setbacks such as this past week mean I have completely and utterly failed and to speak of them would make that failure real and I would have to accept that I just can’t do this (“this” meaning being happy and well adjusted) and I should just resign myself to a life of misery. Spelled out like that, I know it’s pretty silly. I also know that resisting the fact that I’m feeling unhappy also makes me feel worse. Sometimes I just need someone to tell me that I can feel like that, sometimes, and it doesn’t equate to unequivocal failure. But sometimes I need people to be able to read my mind to tell me that because, obviously, if talking about the negative is what’s bothering me, I can’t do that.

The good news is that, while some days every happy thing seems to come with a bad thing, the worst has blown over. I listened to some music. I feel better. I am confident everything will work out and less stressed about everything. Some of my issues are already resolved and I’m not in such a dire position that I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope I reach it sooner rather than later.

Facts About Cats and Printers

I have cats, 2 of them. I also have a printer, surprisingly, with 2 cats. I have come to a few conclusions about the combination of cats and printers.

• Cats are intrigued by printers.
• Cats are also scared of printers.
• Cats like to walk, jump and lie on printers regardless of any buttons they press, papers they knock off or mommies they discturb.
• When cats jump off of printers, the force may knock the printer right off the desk.
• When cats knock printers off desks, printers may not work quite as well afterward.