Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Jun 24

Fear of “No”

Most people are so afraid ore rejection. They are afraid to ask because they don’t want to hear the word “No.” As if those two letters, side by side, are the end of the world. They’re not really. Few things can be answered by “No” that promise to be horrendous. Perhaps “Doctor, will I live to see Christmas?” but most people really won’t be any worse off if they receive a negative response.

And let’s not forget that even if something is a “no” now, doesn’t mean it always will be. People can change their minds. Circumstances change. “No” can become “yes” before you realize it.

And, while it’s not the focus of my thoughts at the moment, sometimes “No” can be what we need even when we don’t realize it.

But the thing is, if you don’t ask, you won’t eve get a “Yes.” If you want someone to do something with or for you, they probably won’t unless you give them the idea in the first place. If you don’t put yourself out there and take that risk, the risk that is almost always much smaller than we convince ourselves, you won’t ever reap the benefits. You will be causing the very thing you fear.

I used to do that a lot.I would want to do things and not tell Ryan and the day would pass and we wouldn’t do things and I’d be all pissed off at the universe for not letting me do something or at Ryan for not being a mind reader when, really, all I had to do was ask. Wow! What a run-on sentence. Ryan might say “No” or he may say “Yes.” He may say “Maybe later” and we’d find a happy medium if he really isn’t interested in what I want.

The thing is, I cannot possibly know until I ask and to become frustrated over something that I caused myself, something that I may be partially inventing in my head? Does no one any good.

Sometimes I will take a risk. Sometimes I will be shut down. Then I’ll try again. It’s the only way to really get a “Yes,” though.

4 comments on “Fear of “No””

  1. Rejection does indeed suck. I know it’s cliche, but I operate by the motto that you will never know if you don’t ask. I’m not afraid to face potential rejection, because at least I know that by asking or trying I have a CHANCE at a yes. But if I don’t try at all, I know for a fact that answer will be no. I try to explain this to Dan, who would much rather bury his head in the sand and not risk confrontation and the risk of rejection.

    Life is too short not to try, you know?

  2. I know what you mean. It’s not always easy to just ask. It sounds so simple, and indeed, it is, but it’s the fear of rejection that comes sneaking up upon us.

  3. I know how you feel about getting upset at the world or someone for not being able to read you mind. How sometimes you feel as if the other person should just know what you want, like all the signs are obvious. Then you get upset that it doesn’t happen, and its not until later on when you’re clearly thinking that you realize what an ass you were making of yourself expecting someone to be able to read your mind. :/

    As for the fear of rejection, all of us have it, its just greater in some than it is in others.

  4. Keep trying something will happen :)

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