Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole

MODERN FINANCIAL TERMS, EXPLAINED:

EBIT — earnings before irregularities and tampering.

CEO — chief embezzlement officer.

CFO — corporate fraud officer.

NAV — normal Anderson valuation.

P/E — parole entitlement.

EPS — eventual prison sentence.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

MOMENTUM INVESTING — The fine art of buying high and selling low.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

“BUY, BUY” — A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally…between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO! — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker that bought Yahoo @$240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — Religious guy who talks to God.

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