Blonde Jokes
Three pregnant women, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, are sitting in a room trying to figure out who’s the father of their babies.
The brunette says “My baby’s either Steve’s or Jim’s.”
The redhead says “Mine’s either John’s or Bob’s.”
The blonde thought for a moment then said in a puzzled voice “I wonder if it’s mine.”
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the “no haggle” attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, “Maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!”
The shopkeeper said, “By all means, be my guest. Maybe you’ll luck out and catch yourself a big one!”
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.
Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouted out, “Damn it, this one isn’t wearing any shoes either!”
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said “How about 50 dollars?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should; she was standing on it.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked.
“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
“And by the way,” the blonde added, “it’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
A blonde living in New Zealand got tired of all the jokes and insults, so she dyed her hair brown. Life got so good that soon she was showing off how smart she really was.
One day, while driving in the country, she got the urge to show off, so she stopped by a herd of sheep and said to the shepherd, “If I can guess how many sheep there are, can I have one?”
The shepherd said “Go ahead.”
She studied the herd for a few minutes and said, “431.”
The amazed shepherd told her she was right and told her to take one.
After a few moments, the shepherd looked at her and said, “Gimme a chance to win it back.”
She agreed.
The shepherd said “You’re not really a brunette, you’re a blonde!”
The blonde said, “That’s right, how did you know?”
The shepherd said, “Oh never mind, just give me back my dog so I can go.”
Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde.
They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into thebarn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, “Just three gunnysacks.”
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, “Bow-wow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, “Meow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all. So he kicked it again, and finally the blonde said, “Potatoes.”
