Life changes. Can’t help it. Can fight it. I do. I fight everything.
Am so looking forward to heading back home – to my home state, at least. At being able to see friends and family more than twice a year (or less). Even looking forward to school and working (but praying I won’t have to work anyplace like Wal-mart again).
But it still won’t be the same and, in some ways, it kills me. Ashley might even be gone by the time I get to Wisconsin and while Milwaukee is much closer to home than San Antonio, it’s still not Wausau. For better or worse. I enjoyed the city a lot when I was there. To tell the truth, I don’t know if I ever want to return to Wausau; I just don’t want to be as far away, at least, not if I’m going to hate it.
And I don’t know how life will feel without the Air Force always fucking Ryan over. We’re both nervous about job and finance issues but I’m sure it will be okay in the end. Can’t help but worry, of course.
I just worry that if everything is different, maybe it’s not worth going back to. Maybe I’m trying to reclaim a life I left behind when I should be forging a new one instead?