The Scrolls

Archive for the ‘people’ Category

Leaving Well Enough Alone

Of course, this post on my shopping blog would be one that Ashe disagrees with. Of course, I had to post it when I was already annoyed with her. Of course, it kind of has to do with one of the reasons I am frustrated with her. Of course, we had to talk about it. Had to. How could we not?! Of course, I couldn’t stop when she said she was getting angry because, by that time, I was, too, and I wanted to be.

The result of all this?

I now realize I don’t believe in dating as a ‘permanent’ station in life. I simply view it as a temporary move between singledom and marriage – neither of which are any better than the other, by the way. It’s generally necessary (unless you’re Dharma and Greg) and, hopefully, enjoyable but it’s not a place I ever desired to stay in for more than a couple of years because, at that point, dating becomes a road block on my journey to marriage. I view dating as something you do until you figure out whether or not you can marry this person and then you stop. You either stop dating and become engaged or stop dating a douche and become single again. If I were to date for years and my partner were unable to show me commitment, I would feel strung along angry, if you couldn’t tell.

It just reeks of indecision to me. Indecision wastes time. Indecision goes hand in hand with confusion. Grey areas in relationships are never a good sign. If you can’t at least loosely define what the hell it is you’re doing, then I think you need to reconsider. It’s not that I think people should push for marriage to the point of being miserable but if that’s what you want, then you should go for it sooner rather than later. Because marriage is clearly defined. Singledom is clearly defined. Dating is not. I thrive on that definition. I have even less respect for casual dating, for the same reasons, but casual sex is A-okay by me.

This all really exemplifies my dislike for wasting time and not knowing where I stand, so if the goal of dating is marriage, then dating for an extended length of time is wasting it. Of course, I realize that not everyone dates for reasons of getting married but I honestly don’t understand other purposes. You may date many people in the search of someone but once you do find that person, shouldn’t you make the next logical step sooner rather than later? It’s just that, if you love someone and you’re happy with them and you want to be with them for a good long time and you can see that happening, why wouldn’t you get married? Why wouldn’t you want to show that to the world? And if you’re not all of those things, why are you still in the relaitonship? Furthermore, while it may never ne an issue, as soon it becomes one being married in the eyes of the law becomes a huge issue.

Grand Ol’ Idiots

Normally, I might preface and entry such as this one with a disclaimer. I might say I do not wish to offend anyone but, the truth of the matter is, most of the people whom I wish to not offend will not be offended because they’re reasonable. And so, I begin.

Stop it! As you badmouth our new president, your new president, you are doing more than just a disservice to him. You are doing a disservice to your country and to yourself. So what if your candidate didn’t win? Welcome to the otherside. Half the country felt the same way in both 2004 and 2008: I sure as hell didn’t vote for Bush!

Obama became president elect more than 2 months ago and I can understand if you’re still sore. I know a few of us Democrats were bitching for a good while (of course, we had much a better reason) so I figure, another month or two and this childishness should be out of your system.

So what if the inauguration ceremony had a few glitches. It goes to show that even the most powerful people in the country are just that, people. Mistakes happen. And you think swearing in again without a bible equates him to the devil? Then don’t forget the same can be said about Theodoore Roosevelt (and can you fault anyone who inspired the teddy bear?!). It doesn’t make him any less our president so you better get to accepting it.

While we’re on the topic, cut it the fuck out with this Muslim/terrorist spiel. Enough already. We know his middle name. We know why it’s his middle name. If you want to head in that direction, I’m sure there’s more than a handful of persons of German descent who share the same name as Adolf Hitler but that doesn’t make them Nazis, does it?

Of course, I have to save the best for last. On some news show last night, I heard someone say he hopes Obama fails. Excuse me? How ridiculous can you be? You do realize that wishing failure upon our president will only mean failure of our United States of America, of which you are apart. Right? People might want to think about their words because they’re sound absolutely insane.

The fact that people continue to attack the person rather than the policy shows how immature these grudges are and how weak the arguments have always been. President Obama campaigned long and hard so that he could be where he is today. Maybe when you’ve done the same, I’ll want to listen to your bullshit but until then, please, just shut up.

Looking forward to next week

I cannot believe on Monday I’ll be in Wausau. I get to see my friends and family, of course, and mom’s new house and new SUV. I’ll probably be shown off to my sister’s teachers, get some bourbon chicken and go out (as long as someone pays my way. Hehe) I can’t wait (except for the being apart from Ryan and coming home after he is already gone part).

The Park

I used to chat at a website called the Park and this is not the first mention of The Park on my site). This is not news to many (and this is not the first mention of it on my site). Several of my friends on IM or Mypsace/Facebook are from the Park day when I was a wee lass of 13/14. -chuckles- The park was magnificent in its way. It attracted millions of visitors so a site that would be shamed by even the worst sites of the internet today; it was, after all, a completely product of Web 1.0. That would also be its downfall and The Park would succumb (around 2000) to the big dot com bust and not without some well-earned hatred to the Park’s founder, Brent Hunter.

A lot of the chatters who had grown to love The Park and made lifelong friendships and relationships there went on to other similar sites, most notably The Pork, where I still chat but also including Dockwave, Ozpark and Ties That Bind. None of these sites would ever see the sheer numbers of the Park, though.

Fast forward a few years and Brent is back with a new project – The Earth Comm Center – and while I think Mr Hunter had different intentions for it than his earlier project, Park followers flocked to it as a way to relive the golden age and to find or catch up with old friends. In that way, it worked marvelously. For a while, at least, until the same issues happened with Brent and chatters and volunteers became disgruntled and slanders his not-so-good-anyway name and left the site. Some followed. Many didn’t.

But then something else happened: Brent disappeared. Though the site never saw the success of its predecessor, it did bring together some people who had been torn apart by the Park’s unfortunate demise and it was clung to as a last hope for some who wished to someday know other reunions. Brent’s disappearance brought with it a lack of upkeep on the site and, eventually (late 2007), the site ceased functioning correctly; that is, no one could log in anymore. Though the site still stands, show statistics and appears to function in many other ways, no one can actually use it for any purpose.

A lot of people find this amusing, even expected. Brent doesn’t have a good track record or a good way with people, it seems. Still, it is a loss that I, among others, mourn a bit. I had caught up with some friends via ECC, including one who was, at the time, deployed to Iraq. We have since lost contact because the site no longer works. )=

Where are you Brent Hunter?

This is all fresh in my memory because I was talking to an old friend from the Park today and, as always happens with those old friends, the conversation turns to questions like “Do you still talk to anyone?” or “Do you remember this person?” And I always feel a tinge of nostalgia because the people that I talk to and remember are far less in number than I would prefer.

And I don’t know how to find them again. Sites like Myspace or Reunion.com allow you to find people when you do know a lot of information about them but the friends one makes in chat, even if one knows their heart and soul, may never release vital information like birth date, home town or last name.

Even Brent has a few websites up which direct the visitor to chat rooms whose core is made up of ex Park chatters but it’s not the same. I began wondering why there isn’t some type of site that allows people to reunite with others from online, with search criteria different than e-mail, age or location which you might not know. Perhaps just a giant bulletin board located at “Find People From The Park.com”.

Alas, searching for those specific people is all but impossible online and searching for the masses is an insurmountable task. If I had control of The Park domains (still own by Brent) I would redirect people to the Pork (which he refuses to link) or to the Myspace group (created by myself) or the Facebook group (created by Sara) so that we would all reconnect.

As it stands, searching for sites about the Park is limited. Eventually, my Myspace group shows up and there appears to be a single Yahoo!Answers question asking if anyone remembers. Links to Brent’s now defunct websites are what show up immediately. It doesn’t seem like many people have taken the time out to put something online to say “Hey, I was there! I remember! I miss you Bob! Where are you Jane?”

So I guess this is my way of creating something a little more permanent, in case someone else is searching and finds my site, maybe they’ll find a little more direction. And maybe, just maybe, I can find a little more closure.

You Can’t Win ‘em All

Do you ever try really hard to like someone, or at least be tolerant of them, and fail miserably? I know I’m much more tolerant than I was. I know, now, that in some situations you simply bite your tongue and shut up in order to get along with someone because you have to, even if that someone is ignorant or foolish or just plain difficult. Of course, since we’re all wired with differently personalities, the people who fit the bit of being ignorant, foolish or difficult to me may not be the same for you; I may even be one of those people to you and that’s fine but because we need to live and work and exist alongside others, we must learn to deal.

I used to write people off because of face value – how they looked or what they said but first impressions can be, and often are, misleading. I was missing out on people because I was quick to label them as boring, too different, unintellectual, sheep, so on and so forth. What was really happening was that these people played the part, often unawares, in certain situations which led me to these incorrect assumptions. After all, in most social situations, we all modify ourselves ever-so-slightly as to fit in and get along?

But take an individual person or two out of these situations and provide the opportunity for me to become better acquainted with them, and my eyes would be opened to just how unique a person he or she was. This then inspired me to be able to see more of this unique person, in a group situation.

A few of these opportunities which I wasn’t so keen on, would make me much more interested in getting to know other people and, eventually, I would become much more tolerant to others and even when I wouldn’t have the chance to make someone’s acquaintance, I was much less likely to write them off or lump them in with another nameless group.

So I recognize the value and necessity of tolerance, today, and look forward to new friendships and relationships that I might otherwise have missed because of my former intolerance. Still, it’s not always easy to tolerate some personalities. In particular, 2 people are currently being very intolerable which leaves me with a rather bitter taste in my mouth and a resentfulness within me.

One of which is someone who has always rubbed me wrong but I thought perhaps I was being too intolerant and that this person needed a second chance. I went out on a limb trying to build a friendship, which never went anywhere because of their response – which is fine. I still tried to be tolerant but I noticed the things this person said and done were extremely hypocritical, rude and often condescending. While some people loved this person’s “confidence” and free spirit and others even thought of this person as fair and objective, this person only came off and arrogant, bitchy, stubborn and pretentious to me. And you know what, I don’t like that. I don’t like this person and I think that I don’t have to tolerate that sort of bullshit. M I Rite?

The other situation which comes to my mind easily is one with a coworker. Generally, I didn’t like her at first impression: clothes, make up, voice, laughter so on and so forth. Though, all of that can generally be ignored, I found I didn’t really like her any more the deeper I would delve. But, while I disliked this person overall, it was difficult to pinpoint a specific reason. We would greet eachother in the morning, bid adeu in the evening, chit chat during the day and be generally courteous but we weren’t making any effort to become fast friends. I figured that acting friendly might translate in actual feelings of amicability and truly being friendly but such just isn’t the case so I go on faking. Of course, the side of me which isn’t the better person sort of likes ‘holding’ that over someone – the not liking them but pretending nothing’s wrong thing. -eg-

with friends like these

[insert s/n here]: what’s wrong hun?
[me] (copied conversation)

lyrical.musings[self+emotional+mutilation] says: last night i showed that to aaron he totally picked it apart.. but lemme tell you he cant do shit with a paint program and so i’m pissed at him rae wanted me to send icons to val when she knew i could do ‘em and i offered and she acted like i wasnt good enough to do them thats two and then sarah is wallowing in self pity.. and she wont do anything so i try t’tell her shes gunna have t’stick it out and i get bitched at three then sigi asked if i could ask if val could do some icons -sigh* four the five minute thing five
Lilli’s Jesse says:
-sl-
You said you did it in five minutes, so I was jus’ agreeing with you.
Lillie’s Jesse says:
Sorry, though.
lyrical.musings[self+emotional+mutilation] says:
and the fact that when my msn name is SELF EMOTIONAL MUTILATION (end copied convo)

[insert s/n here]: I’m not following all this hun
[me]: okay.. might wanna maximise the window.. its an msn convo
[me[: i am lyrical...
[insert s/n here]: :-( there..
[me]: talking t’jesse and i showed him a pic.. that i was semi proud of… and hes like i could make that in 5 minutes
[insert s/n here]: I’m sorry hun.. he’s an ass sometimes… :-(
[me] well read it… (start copied convo 2)

lyrical.musings[self+emotional+mutilation] says:
and no one fucking stops t’ask whats wrong
Lillie’s Jesse says:
We’re used to seeing it?
lyrical.musings[self+emotional+mutilation] says:
and then i had t’put up with jaxy and taryn talking about how fucking happy they are in their relationships well maybe but people shouldnt get used t’it i wish somebody would fucking care(cend copied convo 2)

[insert s/n here]: of course people care cole I wouldn’t have messaged you if I didn’t care I rarely tlak to Jesse anymore.. because he’s VERY insensitive… don’t even listen to him!
[me]:(copied convo part 3) -sigh* nobody notices when m’down anymore
Lillie’s Jesse says:
-nods-
I’m sorry.
lyrical.musings[self+emotional+mutilation] says:
no you’re not
Lillie’s Jesse says:
Yeah, I am.
lyrical.musings[self+emotional+mutilation] says:
sorry doesnt fucking help anything nothing does and i’m going t’shut up now
Lillie’s Jesse says:
Neither does being pissed off at people. And you really shouldn’t expect people to ask about changes in your name. Those are subtlties and most people aren’t going to notice. If you want someone to talk to, I recommend asking them.
lyrical.musings[self+emotional+mutilation] says:
you don’t even have t’acknowledge this conversation ever existed and m’sorry for throwing this all at you it wasn’t fair i don’t do that tho if people wanted t’know they’d ask(end copied convo)
[insert s/n here]: :-( right… just stop talking to him Cole.you don’t need to hear it Jesse doens’t care about anyone but himself you’re not gonna feel any better talking to him Cole
[me] -bkah* but you know what if i hadnt left int ears no one would have noticed i was upset
[insert s/n here]: you never wanna talk though
[me] well no
[insert s/n here]: when I ask you what’s wrong you won’t say much and you never seem like you wanna talk so of course people aren’t going to pry
[me] its just no one ever asks when have you asked whats wrong?
[insert s/n here]: Whenever i ask how you are and you say you’re not fine! you just pass it off, and we’ve never been that close so I’d feel odd asking you for details if you don’t seem to wanna tell me anyway
[me] well see -sigh i figure.. if someone thinks m’not okay.. they’d ask if they wanna know m’not going t’go tellin them
[insert s/n here]: but you give off the impression that we’d be prying and you don’t seem to want that
[me] -l* i want people t’pry it’s like when i say nothing’s wrong i feel if people really cared they’ll pry until i give in
[insert s/n here]: well! don’t seem so cold!
[me] i can’t help it
[insert s/n here]: you can mention to people that you wanna talk.. more htan likely people will wanna listen
[me]: ive been trying thats not how i am it makes me feel whiney
[insert s/n here]: who cares.. the rest of us don’t mind doing it.. and we don’t mind I mean it’s not like your **** always bitching and complaining
[me]: -l* but id feel like it
[insert s/n here]: a woman of her age acting like she’s fifteen pisses me off anyway
[me]i dont wanna act like m’15 either
[insert s/n here]: you are young cole.. and that’s not what I mean.. she flips out when ppl call her by her NAME.. she has a kid but apparently she can find an awful lot of time to chat, etcetc
[me] bleh i dont feel young i feel like im on my fucking death bed
[insert s/n here]: don’t get so dramatic Cole… think about things rationally
[me] im serious i feel so old
[insert s/n here]: why?
[me]: i dont know meh.. see i dont like this.. i feel like im whing whining^ i feel like i should just shut up and leave you alone
[insert s/n here]: I messaged you remember you can talk to someone you know school’s offer counselling… and that can be a very helpful thing
[me] so ill get close t’a few people who i dont feel whiney around.. only having so few people t’talk to leave me limited time t’have emotions ive done that seen 3 councelors and a shrink and im not even bad now.. tomorrow ill be better like it never happened and even tho you messaged me.. i feel like i’m wasting your time i’m sorry
[insert s/n here]: ah… I don’t know what to say really..
[me] yea im a fuck up
[insert s/n here]: I know how that is though
[me]: cant ya tell
[insert s/n here]: you’re young
[me]: -l*
[insert s/n here]:: we all have these feelings
[me]: weve been thru this
[insert s/n here]: beliiiieve me -l-
[me]: no offense but i kinda get sick of everyone telling me how young i am
[insert s/n here]: it’s alright I’ll leave you alone now
[me]: sorry
[insert s/n here]: I am too!
[me]: are too what?
[insert s/n here]: It wasn’t saying ‘you’re so young’. I’m not very old either young
[me]: hmm
[insert s/n here]: and it’s the same thing when I’m in the ozpark and ppl like Stef bitch about how i”m not 21 and yadayadayada…
[me]: hmm
[insert s/n here]: my maturity seems to surpass that of a lot of those chataholics with children, yet I’m too young to chat there… riiight
[me]:: i dunno i think a lot of this stems from.. people telling me m’so mature for m’age
[insert s/n here]: :-(
[me]: and i feel like i gotta uphold that
[insert s/n here]: you can’t expect to act the same as a twenty-year-old cole
[me]: that fact hurts
[insert s/n here]: why? you’ll get there…
[me]: i want so much t’not be other 15 y/o whiney bitch i prolly wont
[insert s/n here]: I’m nineteen, and I’m still sick of being labelled a whiney teen, but I am, and I deal with it.. you can’t help it.. you know you’re not like that..
[me]: not like what a whiney bitch? -l* but i feel like it
[insert s/n here]: you’re not.. and you know it
[me]: no i dont
[insert s/n here]: well, everyone else does.. just calm down. .don’t stress about stuff like that anyway
[me]: no i think everyone else thinks im whiney and immature
[insert s/n here]: no we don’t..
[me]: but damit thats how i feel
[insert s/n here]: that’s what Ben and i said the other day.. he didn’t realize how young you were until I told him
[me]: hmm
[insert s/n here]: yeah
[me]: -shrugs* i dunno
[insert s/n here]: :-(
[me]: -lmfao*
[insert s/n here]: what?
[me]: just the idea of me acting m’age drooling over random guys overrun by hormones.. shopping -shivers* gossiping -l* having school spirit..
[insert s/n here]: see!
[me]: man id have t’be a prep no thank you.. i’d rather not.. i guess i’ll just work on that communication problem
[insert s/n here]: people will listen if you let them you know
[me]: no people are shallow
[insert s/n here]:: not all of them (though that is my philosophy also) that’s why I hate poetry.. nobody is that deep
[me]: -l* i love poetry s’one of m’only escapes
[insert s/n here]: I can’t stand it.. I find people to be generally shallow, and that nobody is really that deep.. but maybe i just don’t understand it..
[me]: yea..
[insert s/n here]: -shrug-
i wish i could tell the world ‘if you think something is wrong ask me.’ wrong -l*
[insert s/n here]: don’t you feel like yo uhave anyone who’s that close to you that’ll ask? even on here
[me]: nope
[insert s/n here]: why not? you could! you just don’t make yourself seem that.. approachable I guess
[me]: well i kinda do that t’ward of the idiots
[insert s/n here]: -l- which is almost everyone on here I’m assuming
[me]: yea.. dude
[insert s/n here]: I at least have Ben, or Susie when she’s around to care… and you could have people also.. if you’d be more open
[me]: ive been meaning t’burn this cd for like 3 hours
[insert s/n here]: what is it?
[me]: just some random songs mostly savage garden thats why i like randy so much he always could tell when i wasnt happy
[insert s/n here]: he ever on?
[me]: ive been crying before and mom walked in and didnt even noticed in fact its happened more than once no
[insert s/n here]: why can’t u talk to her?
[me]:-l* well for starters i dont even feel like shes m’mom
[insert s/n here]: why not?
[me]: just a pile of stuff thats happened since amanda died i guess the fact that randy isnt around makes me on edge a bit and everything is kinda on shaky ground already
[insert s/n here]: I don’t know what to tell you.. I can’t even solve my own problems.. heh
[me]: yea and im trying to help sarah
[insert s/n here]: Bleuanjil?
[me]: no paranoid
[insert s/n here]: what other names does she use?
[me]: only that one she is a friend form irl and has some huge problems.. and im attempting to help but i cant do it all the time you know i need to live for me
[insert s/n here]: tell her that…
[me]: and like after i left the room.. she curled up and sighed.. i wanted to scream cant you get over yourself and be a friend back
[insert s/n here]: you should’t have her pressures on yer shoulders too
Lady Crow 666: she didnt even ask what was wrong
[insert s/n here]: ask her!
[me]: ask hey what? but honestly if i tell her i cant handle it shell say i dont care
[insert s/n here]: no she won’t.. if she’s your friend
[me]: shes done it before i know she will
[insert s/n here]: why do u bother with her then?
[me]: cause i wanna help
[insert s/n here]: but you should get the same in return
[me]: maybe
[insert s/n here]: you should
[me]: guess i never thought of it that way
[insert s/n here]:: friendship is a two-way thing
[me]: hmm yea so well i have a lot of friendships like that..
[insert s/n here]: you shouldn’t you know
[me]: yea i know now -l*
[insert s/n here]: well! tell them to fuck off or give yo uteh same in return
[me]: hmm well in thyat case ive got no friends
[insert s/n here]: thats’ not true
[me]: none irl anyway
[insert s/n here]:: I know..I had a really rough time at some points in high school with r/l friends and still now but you shouldn’t let yerself be used
[me]: hmm
[insert s/n here]: heh
[me]: ugh that cd burned like shit
[insert s/n here]: sorry
[me]: cheap cd’s got em for free.. form sarah -lol* i feel better tho.. thanks
[insert s/n here]:: ah.. :-( I bought cheap ones -l- haven’t burned yet tho my com is all freaky
[me]: ok
[insert s/n here]: :-) hope so
[me]: dude half the songs dont even play
[insert s/n here]: :-( ick!
[me]: ill say burning it on the last good cd
[insert s/n here]: :-) good!
[me]: heh we got a new pup did i tel you?
[insert s/n here]: nooo.. my mom just gave my dog’s puppies away :-( what kind is yours?
[me]: a heerl husky black lab stupid male really cant shit outside like its too cold
[insert s/n here]: -l- ick i miss my pts
[me]: yea
[insert s/n here]: pets
[me]: aww i have a big orange cat named floppy =)
[insert s/n here]: we have a buncha cats Velcro, Kit, Bella, and one more.. but I can’t say her name and we have three dogs. .Chloe, Sheba and Ringo :-)
[me]: hes a bit hefty but hes sensitive about his weight so i try not to hurt his feelings
[insert s/n here]: -l- lazy fat cats
[me]: ssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhh
[insert s/n here]: -lol- my poor kitten’s name is Hitler.. and we have Chubs.. -s- the new kitten
[me]:: he doesn sleep with me often when he does m’happy
[insert s/n here]:: oookay -s-
[me]: all my other cats ive had slept with me so i felt like rejected but now sometimes he sleeps with me and sometime sour big dog does too
[insert s/n here]: -s- mine do when m’home.. heh
[me]: when i take over the world im going t’sit on my thrown laughing maniacally and petting my cat
[insert s/n here]: -lol- dork
[me]: im serious well at one time i was i had a whole plan and if i could have pulled it off it would have worked but now i just wanna be happy
[insert s/n here]: :-) that’s a good goal you knwo -s-
[me]: yea but its the hardest one ive ever set
[insert s/n here]: you’ll get there hun
[me]: sometimes i wonder
[insert s/n here]: you will.. be optimistic.. if you think you won’t, then you won’t
[me]: it burned right this time at this time i just wanna be with randy mostly i mean not even together just near him
[insert s/n here]: then, make that a goal!
[me]: its unreasonable
[insert s/n here]: no it’s not Ben’s in California
[me]: well
[insert s/n here]: I’m in Nova Scotia.. we did it! nobody said we would..
[me]: i cant drive he doesnt have the money nor the time i dont have the money
[insert s/n here]: you will eventually
[me]: i hope so heres a secret m’not really as depressed/pessimistic/bitchy as i represent m’self im actually kinda perky and wacky.. but dont tell -l*
[insert s/n here]: why then? -l-
[me]: why then what? i dont think i wanted t’say represent m’self thats just how people percieve me.. and its not usually intentional..
[insert s/n here]: try being a lil more UPBEAT!! it’s not a bad thing!
[me]: i am in m’own way i mean that whole floppy thing was rather happy -l*
[insert s/n here]: -l- yeah.. but you’re not LIKE that in the open
[me]: i know.. but i save it for the people i trust
[insert s/n here]: -ss- why? its’ not a weakness or anything
[me]: well it is well not a weakness just n/m m’not sure what m’saying but i need a tail coat and top hat and a cane and a penguin
[insert s/n here]: -l- I read that book :-)
[me]: what book? -l* that was straight from me
[insert s/n here]: the penguin one! a guy with a top hate and coat and a penguin!
[me]: ive never read it lmfao maybe im related to the author
[insert s/n here]: its’ really cute.. :-)
[me]: thats another thing people are always telling me m’cute
[insert s/n here]: I did it in elementary school
[me]: mr popper’s penguins?
[insert s/n here]: I’m not sure.. -l-
[me]: i dunno anyway
[insert s/n here]: too long ago.. and my memory is awwful
[me]: i dunno if cute is my thing my long term memory is awesome like i can remember when i was in 7th grade we drove t’milwaukee and got lost on the way back.. we took a wrong turn at the sign for cauldron wi lol short term memory sucks
[insert s/n here]: my short term is good -l- prolly why i do good on exams.. but form awhile back.. nooo way
[me]: lol we could like stick our memory together with gum and know stuff!
[insert s/n here]: we’d be a mega person -l- ah.. i’m so tired is it almost midnight there?
[me]: no 11 but im going t’go anyway
[insert s/n here]: -s- nightnight Cole -s-
[me]: -hugs* thanks for letting me be whiney and immature
[insert s/n here]: you weren’t -s-
[me]: you lie -l*
[insert s/n here]: no I dont! I know what whiney is -lol-

looking at you through the glass

people piss me off. people suck. they are fake. if i were to compile a reason why i can’t live with people, they’d lock me up. FUCK people! fuck them all. -shakes head* the song on t.v.is really annoying, but i recognize the voice, and know the artist is good. weird. i have tests every day this week, except for today. TWO on thursday. -sigh*

do you know how much i cannot stand it when people start talking about how happy they are with their insignificant other when all i can think is i miss randy. it’s not that i miss being in a relationship, i just miss him, a lot.

and then, if i sigh, if i have a depressing icon, or if my msn name is self emotional mutilation, why the fuck don’t people pick up on these things?!?! they’re my little ways of saying ‘hello, i’m not happy. be a friend.’ either they’re not working, or no one will be my friend. -shrugs*

what’s the difference anymore? this is really pissing me off!