The Scrolls

Archive for the ‘people’ Category

How Far We’ve Come

When I consider my closest friends, most of them have been friends since high school (freshman year, with the exception of Wendy) and I still speak to most of my circle of friends from 6th grade, the first year of middle school. On the one hand, it’s great to know people so well, to still talk to them and to be able to reminisce. On the other hand, it seems like the bonds that held together friendships so many years ago were so much weaker than I now require. It’s difficult not to grow apart when we have all grown into separate people.

It’s not that my friends are bad people or even boring or anything sort of negative trait; we simply don’t have all that much in common and/or I just don’t feel the way about them I used to. Yet it’s so hard to say good bye when friendships seem to be so difficult to make at this point in life. I can count the number of friends I’ve made in the last 2 or 3 years on one hand (Dez and Lars being the foremost). I find myself biting my tongue and holding on to friendships, trying dearly to focus on the good times we do have together (no matter how limited) and memories made, ignoring the elephant in the room. Perhaps it is time to let go and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Priorities

AKA: Help, I can’t afford the internet!

It annoys me every time I see someone complaining  online about how hard life is and financial struggles and not being able to pay rent/buy groceries/get diapers, especially when I know they’re paying for internet or I see them on for more than 50% of the day.  I know that some people are using the internet for free or that some people have jobs with a lot of time to surf the internet. There are exceptions, of course. I don’t deny this.

But I think that sacrificing the internet (or cable or MP3 player or cell phone etc) before you are evicted or your baby is starving is probably a better idea than keeping it just so you can bitch. And even if you’re not spending money on things that aren’t really necessary, and your internet is free or you go to the library, why spend all that time online when you could be looking for a job? If all else fails, spend your time online working, doing freelance writing or being a ChaCha rep or something.

I guess this just falls in the overall category of “shit that people bitch about even though they don’t use the power they have to change the situation.” Cut it the fuck out world.

Dear Douchebag

I realize, that despite the age difference that makes you nearly a decade my senior, you don’t have the maturity to be in a healthy relationship. You, on the other hand, do not seem to realize that. Perhaps that is why you decided to string a good friend of mine along for over a year and then break up with her, without even telling her. Yea, thanks a lot.

And perhaps it isn’t even my place to say anything (but, hey, it’s my blog asshole) but I’ve been listening to her issues about your relationship for damned near a year. In my book, that’s long enough to wait for you to pull your head out of your ass and work on your shortcomings. So what I don’t understand is how you even have the balls to break up with her when you’re the one who should be wallowing in self pity after a particularly eye-opening dumping.

Without further ado, here is a list of things you need to work on in order to be successful in a relationship. Otherwise, your future endeavors will soon find themselves following the footsteps of your ex-wife and my close friend and not because of lack of trying on their parts. Wake up or, yes, you won’t ever find someone.

Learn how to communicate (Listen up, moron).

Seriously. Learn how to listen to people and hear what they’re saying or have them clarify without throwing everything through your stupid “I’m a man” filter. Then, learn how to tell other people how you feel. I’m pretty sure “I’m breaking up with you” falls into this category.

Prioritize your time (Get a fucking PDA).

You don’t need to please everyone or help everyone or do everything. You need to figure out what’s most important and dedicate sufficient time to those things and people. Working to earn a living? Important. Spending time with your loved ones? Important. Fixing everyone else’s shit? Not so important. The sooner you learn, the better. Otherwise, you’ll just wind up hurting those you care about. Furthermore, your friends and family are sick of you being so damned undependable.

Get over yourself (Now!).

Why should others make time for or care about you when you won’t return the favour? Don’t expect people to sympathize over your situation when you don’t give a crap about theirs. The double standards suck.

Take responsibility (Grow the fuck up).

Relationships are a two way road and if they’re not working, changes are both people need to step it up. You need to make an effort to recognize problems and continue making an effort to minimize them for life of the relationship, if not the rest of your life. Relationships take work and before you can do said work, you have to take responsibility for your share.

These four steps may not be simple or easy but they will help you have a healthy relationship with people. Once you can see beyond yourself, you can see why others have issues with you. Taking responsibility for your roles in those issues and resolving them will be so much easier when you learn how to listen and speak effectively. Unfortunately, this is a lifelong process that never ends. If you’re not up for it, kill yourself.

At the very least, stop fucking my friends around with your shortsighted childishness.

Sincerely,
Cole

Protected: What More Can I Do?

In general, I want my friends to be happy. Don’t we all? So I don’t like people who do things to hurt them in any form and I feel extra frustrated when they do things that hurt themselves. What do you say to someone who won’t take the steps to extract herself from a miserable situation especially when it is an option? What do you say to someone who doesn’t know why they stay in that situation? What do you say to someone who refuses to realize that they have more control over a situation than they realize?

Now you might say “You can’t say anything, Cole. People have to learn their own lessons no matter how hard it is to watch them struggle.” And I know it’s true. And I try but when the person is always complaining about the situation, it becomes near impossible not to say anything.

It comes down to this: If you’re unhappy and you can do anything about it, then do it. And you usually can but if you’re too whatever to admit that, then don’t bitch about it every god damned day to me or anyone else for that matter. We don’t want/need/care to hear it. I know it’s easier to be the bystander and cast judgment. I know it’s easier to talk about just about anything than to do it. I also know that we put off things that are difficult to muster energy and we put our faith in things blindly. I’ve been there. I’ve done it. But the sooner you get out of a shitty situation and get over a miserable relationship, the sooner happiness can find you.

Leaving Well Enough Alone

Of course, this post on my shopping blog would be one that Ashe disagrees with. Of course, I had to post it when I was already annoyed with her. Of course, it kind of has to do with one of the reasons I am frustrated with her. Of course, we had to talk about it. Had to. How could we not?! Of course, I couldn’t stop when she said she was getting angry because, by that time, I was, too, and I wanted to be.

The result of all this?

I now realize I don’t believe in dating as a ‘permanent’ station in life. I simply view it as a temporary move between singledom and marriage – neither of which are any better than the other, by the way. It’s generally necessary (unless you’re Dharma and Greg) and, hopefully, enjoyable but it’s not a place I ever desired to stay in for more than a couple of years because, at that point, dating becomes a road block on my journey to marriage. I view dating as something you do until you figure out whether or not you can marry this person and then you stop. You either stop dating and become engaged or stop dating a douche and become single again. If I were to date for years and my partner were unable to show me commitment, I would feel strung along angry, if you couldn’t tell.

It just reeks of indecision to me. Indecision wastes time. Indecision goes hand in hand with confusion. Grey areas in relationships are never a good sign. If you can’t at least loosely define what the hell it is you’re doing, then I think you need to reconsider. It’s not that I think people should push for marriage to the point of being miserable but if that’s what you want, then you should go for it sooner rather than later. Because marriage is clearly defined. Singledom is clearly defined. Dating is not. I thrive on that definition. I have even less respect for casual dating, for the same reasons, but casual sex is A-okay by me.

This all really exemplifies my dislike for wasting time and not knowing where I stand, so if the goal of dating is marriage, then dating for an extended length of time is wasting it. Of course, I realize that not everyone dates for reasons of getting married but I honestly don’t understand other purposes. You may date many people in the search of someone but once you do find that person, shouldn’t you make the next logical step sooner rather than later? It’s just that, if you love someone and you’re happy with them and you want to be with them for a good long time and you can see that happening, why wouldn’t you get married? Why wouldn’t you want to show that to the world? And if you’re not all of those things, why are you still in the relaitonship? Furthermore, while it may never ne an issue, as soon it becomes one being married in the eyes of the law becomes a huge issue.

Grand Ol’ Idiots

Normally, I might preface and entry such as this one with a disclaimer. I might say I do not wish to offend anyone but, the truth of the matter is, most of the people whom I wish to not offend will not be offended because they’re reasonable. And so, I begin.

Stop it! As you badmouth our new president, your new president, you are doing more than just a disservice to him. You are doing a disservice to your country and to yourself. So what if your candidate didn’t win? Welcome to the otherside. Half the country felt the same way in both 2004 and 2008: I sure as hell didn’t vote for Bush!

Obama became president elect more than 2 months ago and I can understand if you’re still sore. I know a few of us Democrats were bitching for a good while (of course, we had much a better reason) so I figure, another month or two and this childishness should be out of your system.

So what if the inauguration ceremony had a few glitches. It goes to show that even the most powerful people in the country are just that, people. Mistakes happen. And you think swearing in again without a bible equates him to the devil? Then don’t forget the same can be said about Theodoore Roosevelt (and can you fault anyone who inspired the teddy bear?!). It doesn’t make him any less our president so you better get to accepting it.

While we’re on the topic, cut it the fuck out with this Muslim/terrorist spiel. Enough already. We know his middle name. We know why it’s his middle name. If you want to head in that direction, I’m sure there’s more than a handful of persons of German descent who share the same name as Adolf Hitler but that doesn’t make them Nazis, does it?

Of course, I have to save the best for last. On some news show last night, I heard someone say he hopes Obama fails. Excuse me? How ridiculous can you be? You do realize that wishing failure upon our president will only mean failure of our United States of America, of which you are apart. Right? People might want to think about their words because they’re sound absolutely insane.

The fact that people continue to attack the person rather than the policy shows how immature these grudges are and how weak the arguments have always been. President Obama campaigned long and hard so that he could be where he is today. Maybe when you’ve done the same, I’ll want to listen to your bullshit but until then, please, just shut up.