Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Dec 17

I haven’t blogged in over a month

At least, here. I’ve been blogging in all the other places though. Oops.

This last month has been measured in broken heartbeats, if I’m honest.

It’s also been measured in doors opened to the UPS and FedEx men. The shopping. I’m having such a good financial month, after the annual frustration with the state. I’ve spent a bit of money, purchased some awesome gifts, and yet I have a bit of money left. I am considering a tattoo. A sugar-skull inspired motif on my left thigh. What do you think?

These last few days have consisted of me binging on TED talks about psychology, sex and technology, among other things. This was inspired, in part, by starting and finishing Best Sex Writing 2012 in a course of hours. I forgot how much I like to be educated!

Goliath and his box under the tree

Goliath and his box under the tree

Much of my time has been spent with my sister, who likes to escape her home and invade mine. Her latest thing is asking for homework help that could easily be done over the phone just so she can come over and play video games. She did “help” me put up my Christmas tree, though. It’s blue and silver this year. I didn’t think about how dark blue lights are in comparison to white ones, however. It’s nearly impossible to take a decenter picture!

I’ll end this with a rant. About “Merry Christmas.” And how a million of my Facebook friends — just kidding, I don’t have that many — have posted about how that’s the correct thing to say. And how it’s stupid to be offended by saying it. And they’ll say it regardless.

Yes, I will smile and say “You, too” to anyone who takes the time to wish me a Merry this or a Happy that, even if I’ve never heard of it. Have a good freakin’ Festivus, y’all. But, seriously. There’s a perfectly easy-to-understand reason why Merry Christmas might offend some people.

And it’s not because you celebrate it. It’s because you celebrate it and you assume everyone else also celebrates it. But they don’t. Some of them celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or Yule or something else altogether. Some people celebrate no winter holidays, believe it or not.

Despite the fact that so many people proclaim the separation of church and state, the United States is a Christian nation. Winter break includes Christmas but not typically any of the days of Hanukkah, let alone all eight of them. Easter is another holiday that closes down the government and schools. People who are not Christian understand the significance of these holidays. You probably know little about Hanukkah or any other Jewish holiday.

Your normal isn’t everyone else’s default. It’s dangerous and limiting to think that. It’s wonderful to learn what you don’t know — and then to make that something you do know, however.

If you celebrate Christmas, then I hope it’s a good one. If you don’t, I hope other people do not offend you. Either way, I hope you’re not a dick.


Jun 15

I Feel Weird

I suppose that Father’s Day is for me like Valentine’s Day is for many singles. I don’t have a father so I don’t understand the hype. I don’t know how to feel, so I impatiently wait for it to pass so I can get on with my life and ignore all the posts on Facebook.

Of course, more people have a father than a significant other — or so I’d guess — and I don’t think it occurs to them that their celebrations might exclude someone. And don’t for one minute think that I don’t want people to be happy. If you have a good father or even if you have a decent-at-best father and even if your father is mediocre but has sometimes done the right thing by you, then you’ve got more than I do. And you should celebrate it. Otherwise, you’re just an ungrateful asshole.

But I have none of the above. Part of me wishes I were angry about it, but I’ve had more than a quarter of a century to come to terms, and I’ve never known anything. Instead, I just sort of feel nothing where other people feel something, even if it’s anger at the fathers they got for being shitty. It’s strange to deal with holidays where you’re supposed to have all the feels and just.. not have any.

So I shall leave with thoughts, instead. Happy Father’s Day if you are one. Mine doesn’t know about me, but there are many fathers who cannot be with their children. The fact that you can be is not  guaranteed.

If you have a father to celebrate, do so. Having a father is not default in this world, and you are almost certainly going to see him die. So don’t waste time while you’re both here.


Dec 22

My Sister Has a Theory About Santa

aaaand it is a doozy.

Santa by PepOmint

I’ve been pestering her about her belief in Kris Kringle for a while. She’s ten. Its expensive for Mom. We’re all surprised that she still believe in any way, but she is a naive little girl.

My pestering has led to me admitting that I do not believe in Santa and her response about how she’s not sure. I get a response like “half and half” or “I sorta believe.” I want to tip her over to nonbelief of her own accord, so we don’t have to break her heart.

I was attempting again tonight in the car and got a response that I didn’t expect at least.

Sam said that Santa was just “superstition” and that mom wraps presents and “doesn’t hide them very well.” She elaborated that Santa sends mom presents in advance. Santa and Mom meet up. So I asked where.

Sam’s reply? Rib Mountain. I asked if they get coffee to talk it over. She said that they go to Wal-mart where Santa doesn’t give mom presents. No, he orders them. Then, the presents come in and Mom gets them. She hides them (not very well!) and wraps them, placing labels from Santa on the gifts.

This is a very specific story, and it certainly derails from the classic theology of Santa. It takes a lot of justification to find hidden Christmas presents and continue to believe in Santa in any form. That’s how most of us stop believing.

Anyway, I just thought you would all enjoy the story and if I don’t post before then, Merry Christmas!

 


Jun 20

I’m Okay. You’re Okay. Etc.

Father’s Day has been over for a few hours. I suppose I could feel relieved but I don’t, not really. Lately, not having a father has weighed on me more heavily than it has in the past. Certainly, as Father’s Day looms in the horizon and the commercials are all about loving fatherly relationships and the gifts that show your thanks, I have time to wonder what it would be like if I had ever had the opportunity to celebrate Father’s Day and if I ever will. Will there be a day when I have children of my own and I craft presents from infants to a man that I love? As they grow will we create home-made gifts together?

I can’t blame the people I love for taking their dads for granted because it should be something that you can take for granted. No one should be missing something so critical to development, to happiness, to life. Yet, here I am, lacking a father and more-or-less okay without one. It perhaps took some extra hard work on my part and I fight my tendencies to be sexist (after all, I could easily say that almost every male I have ever trusted has hurt me somehow) on a daily basis but I make the effort and I come out on top in spite of it.

Perhaps that’s all there is to it. To survive this, I control myself because I certainly can’t tell people to stop having fathers or companies to stop posting Father’s Day commercials. Some things just are what they are and, in the meantime, I’m okay.