The Scrolls

Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

Suck it, Shakespeare

one upon a time there was a boy
who liked to play with many toys
and all day long he’d hack and code
barely stepping out of his abode

he had a new project every day
no one or nothing could get in his way
one night while he was fast asleep
an idea into his head engrained itself quite deep

the hours passed and the dream did fade
and the geeky boy slept until a bright new day
upon the morn, he woke with a start
an idea formed, embedded in his heart
he jumped from the bed, unawares of the time
reaching for the nearest device as he exclaimed: victory shall be mine!

as if possessed, he worked, wide eyed
this way and that the sparks flied
his hands moved as if afire
as he typed and clicked, built and wired
soon a miraculous form began to take shape
by this time onlookers had gathered, amazed

the boy stepped back and out of the dust, a figure loomed
it beeped and whirred, obscuring the moon
for he’d worked not just one day
this geeky boy had worked his life away
and as a hushed silence fell over the crowd
he turned to them, raised his arms and said aloud
Behold, my friends! See what I have wrought!
A giant, Mountain Dew and Android-powered, Optimus Prime, alien robot!

What I learned today.

Today I learned that when I am in the car, Wendy cannot drive very well and it’s not just because I am a horrible navigator. Somehow, I affect her driving skills.

I also learned that it sucks when it is sunny and your sunglasses are broken but that you will feel better once you eat and sometimes a cloudy sky isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

I learned that it totally makes sense for kids to fall asleep in cars. The road can really lull one into dreamland. However, it’s not really feasible for her to drive me around the block when I am suffering from insomnia.

I learned that sometimes it’s not the destination but the journey. But one of those destinations offered more than I realized at first sight.

I also learned that cake can be too sweet and I may be well on my way to a sugar-induced coma.

What’s that? You think I should sleep? Yes, I agree.

4:26

It is 4:26 and I am newly showered. I am waiting for Wendy to awake but I realize that she may not work at her usual time. So, I am sitting here in a towel, listening to the quiet hum of my laptop. It is very calming and I realize that I have not been in a place where I could simply listen to it hum away. Wendy’s computer is ridiculously loud–so loud that you can easily hear it down the hall, in the bedroom. My laptop hums away; although, sometimes it is nearly silent.

It’s a shame that I do not take solace in the comforting and familiar sounds around me more often. The narrator of my relaxation CD tells me to do this as I fall asleep and, I must admit, the CD is more effective now than ever. Where I used to listen to it all the way through, and be wide awake, I am falling asleep with no concept of how long I have been listening to it. And sleeping through the night without so many awakenings. The result? I am sleeping far less than I used to. Perhaps still more than your average person (although, I have nothing on your average bear).

Now to get on a normal sleeping schedule because, as you can guess, it is quite abnormal for me to be awake at 4:26 in the morning and I won’t even make it to 8 o’clock tonight. I didn’t last night. That’s okay. I sleep much more soundly when it is dark. Luckily, Wisconsin offers me around sixteen hours of darkness every day and it certainly messes with one’s inner clock–especially if one is not awake during the few hours of light. This is also why I want to adjust my schedule.

But, for now, it is 4:41 and I am calmed by the sound of my laptop and that is all I need.

Remember, Remember the fourth of November

As I type this, Wendy and I are watching V for Vendetta. We are a day off, oops. It’s actually the first time I have watched the movie. It has been several days since many of you have heard of me and I assure you that I am not avoiding you–simply been busy moving across the country, cleaning my former apartment, applying for a new one and making all the calls that are necessary when performing a major life transition.

In between, I’ve been trying to spend time catching up on sleep, catching up with work and meeting up with friends and family. To be honest, I haven’t seen many people but there is no rush now.

So how is it, you ask?

Pretty awesome. I’ve adjusted to the cold better than I thought I would have. I bought an awesome new coat. It’s actually been warmer than expected. I walked a couple places yesterday and it was quite enjoyable. People I passed greeted me and drivers even yielded to me!

The kitties were amazing. They weren’t happy and I certainly wasn’t when I had to hold them in the San Antonio airport while the TSA agents scanned the carriers but, all in all, things went well. My last flight on Monday night actually got in 10 minutes early! And they haven’t killed Wendy’s cats or vice versa.

So now we are just waiting to see if we can get an apartment and them moving her stuff over there. It’s a lot of stuff and I’m not sure if I am ready to move so soon. My body has just gotten over being exhausted and I’m still bruised all over. I shaved my legs this morning and it only makes the bruises stand out.

Anyhoo, I’m alive. I miss you guys. I’d update more but I can’t access the Internet or send/receive picture messages on my phone right now. I’m trying to get that figured out.

I Made a Friend

Actually, I did not make a friend. But I did move a friendship to a new level and that’s kind of exciting. You see, I met this awesome lady and we started chatting in the same room and then we moved out friendship to AIM and, just this last week, it progressed to the phone.

I feel a bit like a school girl again! In fact, I feel a lot like a school girl again and I certainly felt that way when I was a wee bit nervous before the first time she called. It reminds me of how I made friends online when I was a teenager. We’d talk in a public place, we’d move to IM and eventually, if we became close enough, we’d talk on the phone. That was the natural progression of the Internet friendship when I was younger.

And it was fun. I could talk on the phone a lot. I still can. Im a talker. After 2 hours on the phone with my friend last night, my throat was begging for me to STFU. I have a lot of friends and not all of them are so awesome on the phone. I hadn’t realized how much I miss it.

Nor did I give much thought to why I pretty much stopped moving to the phone with my Internet friends. There is no single reason but many factors. The places where I chatted shut down. I became busier in high school, a trend that continued after I graduated and I began working. I began dating and married Ryan so much of my time was dedicated to him. I moved to Japan and I rarely called my mom, let alone new friends. I struggled with depression and other issues and, in general, I kind of stopped making new friends via the Internet for a while.

But this ain’t no pity party. It’s actually the exact opposite because now I remember how awesome friends are and I’ve made a great new friend. That isn’t to say I didn’t have any good friends. Some of my best friends now, both locally and internationally, are Internet friends. We just don’t talk on the phone much.

Whether or not our friendships rely on the phone, I’ve made some really awesome friends online. Somehow, I have connected with people across time zones, state lines and cultural divides. I’ve found wonderful people who listen to me when I need a friend and amazing people who make me laugh like crazy. And crazy people who are a match for my own insanity. And, hopefully, I’ve been able to provide the same for them.

So for those critics who say you can’t forge real relationships online, maybe you just fail at making friends while we do not. The Internet has changed my life with these amazing friendships.e

The Future is Calling

Losers live in the past. Winners learn from the past and enjoy working in the present toward the future.
Denis Waitley

The future it unknown. To me, to you, to anyone. And this used to terrify me. I used to try to control things in the present because I feared the future would be something uncomfortable, something I didn’t want. Ironically, the future did turn out to be something I didn’t want. Only, the future was now my present and I was stuck in it, for better or worse.

So I did the only logical thing and I began learning how to appreciate what I did have: my friends, my family, my pets, my job. I taught myself to be grateful. I began to seek enjoyment from the little things, the things I may have overlooked before. And wouldn’t you know it, I became happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.

And there’s where I am now. So when I look at the future, I don’t fear that I don’t know what it will bring. In fact, I’m pretty sure that it will be more awesome than I could ever imagine. And even if there are bumps in the road, and I am sure there will be, if I can manage to be happy now then I’m pretty sure that I can make myself be happy at any times.

So if you want to know what I am looking forward in the future? I say all of it.

Because no matter what happens. Whether or not I see my friends and family soon, whether I get to plan a Halloween party, whether I wind up moving across the country, whether college happens sooner rather than later, I will be happy regardless. Because my happiness depends not on any person or any event but on me.

Consciousness

Ashe and I just got off the phone. During our conversation we discussed how difficult it is to deal with someone who has disappointed us without intending to. I suggested that sometimes we feel like we’d prefer the person was simply being an asshole because we know how to deal with that. We become angry or hurt. We pee in the vents of their car and we feel better.

Yet, no one ever wrote a manual about how to deal with the accidental douche. It’s harder to accept poor behaviour when the intentions aren’t just as poor. It’s more complicated. We want to be angry but don’t know how angry to be or how to express it. We want to be understanding but we’re still hurt.

Because even with the best intentions, a person has to make a conscious decision to be decent, to prioritize the people and things that really matter and to do the things for their significant others that show that they love them. That conscious decision is what makes it okay when we do make mistakes. Others can forgive us.

And the conscious decision to take control of our own happiness is the only thing we can really do to be happy and healthy even when others make mistakes or purposely hurt us–because that is bound to happen. Sometimes we spend so much time trying to prevent others from hurting us or explaining to them their own faults that we forgot the only thing we have power over is ourselves. The only thing constant in my own life is me.

That realization has changed my life. Perhaps saved it. And it hurts to see others who have yet to come to the same conclusion. So many people have failed to make the conscious decisions that will make life work living. Yet, I know that I can only try to steer them in the right direction. The rest is on them. I have to make a conscious decision to lead my example. And try to impart a little happiness in the process.