The Scrolls » Family

The Center of the Tornado

Cole — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 05:35:26 +0000

Things have been happening.. around me, not to me, just around me.

I enjoyed a drama-free Christmas. It wasn’t quite like when I was younger but it was nice. No fighting, no big problems. I was pleasantly surprised. We exchanged presents and enjoyed food and played games. I stayed at my uncle’s well after everyone else had left, chatting with him and his wife. There was some definite low-key awesomesauce going on.

On Christmas Eve, my sister’s grandmother was admitted to the hospital. This isn’t out of the normal as her health has been failing because of her diabetes for some time. She’s in and out of the hospital all of the time. Things weren’t looking good but I didn’t think it was any worse. Last night, my sister called me in tears about how sick her grandma was and Mom said her husband had gone to the hospital. Samantha quickly cheered up, as kids do, and I hung up.

I texted Mom a little bit later to ask her something unrelated. Her reply said her mother in law seemed to be doing better but, apparently, she died a short time later. I woke up to several texts from Samantha about her grandma dying but, by the time I woke up, they were already at the hospital with my mom who underwent a hysterectomy today. That went well, as we had reassured her and she’s spending the night.

I went up to the hospital today to see Mom and Samantha and Mom was incredibly funny because of her drugs. She was enjoying her alone time and being able to sleep, however. I took some time to talk to Samantha who seems to be doing incredibly well with this all. I don’t know how.

So, as you can see, I’m surrounded by activity that doesn’t directly affect me. I’m just trying my best to be there for everyone right now and hopefully I’m not failing.

Look pretty, smile!

Cole — Sat, 24 Dec 2011 20:13:55 +0000

As I was showering and planning Christmas photos for tomorrow it struck me that I may as close as it gets to the family photographer. It’s not that I’m necessarily any good (hell, I don’t even have a dedicated camera that I use) and I have friends who are much, much better but.. I am less bad than the rest of my family. I don’t take pictures where people are mid-sentence or mid-bite or doing something potentially embarrassing. Because I like to look good in photos, I assume other people do, too and, when I take a picture, I try to take one that is, at the very least, clear and well framed it not artistic.

It has always amazed me how absolutely God-awful my family is as taking pictures. They really have no sense of photos and that, I think, is part of the reason I shy away from photos. We don’t always look amazing but a bad photo just makes us look so much worse and I delete all my bad photos immediately from my phone/camera.

So, tomorrow I am hoping to take a few decent pictures and email them to the folks in the family so we can look a little less dysfunctional. I may not even be in them because, hey, I’ll be behind the camera.

Can I blog about you?

Cole — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 09:13:47 +0000

At what point in a new friendship is it okay to ask this question? Because I really feel awkward mentioning people in my blog — by name — if I haven’t received express permission and haven’t already been blogging about them for years. But these people are important to me and in my life and I want you to know about them. But no one in my offline life blogs and few people understand the significance of my blog or even blogging in general.

Am I fretting too much? Should I just do what feels right? Should I change names? When did this sense of privacy and respect even come about the begin with?

Finally Fall.

Cole — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 04:39:29 +0000

Actually, it’s almost Tuesday which is crazy because I started writing this blog post in my head, in the shower when I woke up. I’ve had some busy weekends and while I’m glad to be spending time with the people I love, sometimes it gets a little crazy.

Wendy headed out of town on Friday so I enjoyed the house to myself for a few hours before heading to a Pure Romance party. I hung out with some people from school. You know the type, you have them on Facebook but rarely talk. But we caught up, talked about old friends, new lives. It was fun. It was a different group than I normally hang out with and it was nice to have a silly night with the girls and meet new people, too.

I recouped on Saturday. Sort of. I had a really difficult time sleeping this weekend, mostly because it’s warmed up and I like it cool. On top of that, everyone just seems to be so loud lately. I had been invited on a mini road trip earlier in the week by my uncle but he decided not to go and instead invited me over to his house on Sunday. Although he thought some other folks would show up, they didn’t. He picked up my sister before they stopped by my place and, of course, I misjudged the time and was in the shower when they showed up. I ran out to answer the door in a towel, quickly shaved my other armpit and dressed.

My sister spent the day being eight and my uncle spent his day being the kind of funny uncle an eight year old — and maybe a 25 year-0ld — loves. We filled a giant pumpkin bag with leaves that Samantha stomped down and she and my uncle threw leaves back and forth. She convinced him to buy even more bags and filled and arranged them all on his front lawn. He grilled out, we enjoyed dinner (I topped it off with some apple pie and ice cream) and we finished off the night by hanging some lights on his front porch.

It was a great chance for Samantha to get to know who I believe is her best uncle.Plus, the smell of the leaves and the changing colors really made me feel like Autumn was in full swing. I hadn’t noticed how quickly the leaves had changed and fallen

Last night I was so exhausted and sore but I couldn’t get to sleep. I popped some pain killers and eventually drifted off to sleep for a ridiculous amount of time before waking to no Internet. In lieu of checking email and working, I did dishes and put up even more Halloween decorations. Sorry if you received one of the million pictures that I sent.

That Explains It

Cole — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 23:11:08 +0000

After having spent some time away from my family, I find myself viewing their interactions and behaviors a bit more objectively. This outsider’s view of the atmosphere into which I was born and raised brings new awareness and answers a lot of questions. Specifically, it seems to explain just where all this fucked up came from, a thought that is somewhat consoling when I struggle with my anxiety and other negative mental habits.

For example, it’s easy to see how quickly people in my family become agitated. My aunt exemplified this as her brother worked on her car. A rather fun day, but one that was full of back and forths, was feeling long to her and she was becoming unhappy. In return, my uncle sensed this and became agitated himself. I found myself trying to play peacekeeper, to keep the mood light and upbeat but even being in the situation made me (at least seem) a little more agitated than I had realized. That’s another commonality we share: we tend to give the impression that we are more upset than we are.. Or perhaps we just operate at a level that is higher than most and seems odd to outsiders but that we are completely blind to.

Of course, observing my family gives some insight that is easy to overlook–at least, I find myself doing so–but that is also consoling in the best possible ways. Most of the people in my family have struggled–with finances, with parenting, with relationships, with things breaking, with people using them, with communicating. Yet, they always seem able to bounce back and so many of my loved ones are good at counting their blessings and remaining upbeat in the long run., even when the hand they’ve been dealt is on that outsiders might pity. I come from a family of people that is, more or less, content with the simple things in life and strives to be good people. In fact, the people in my family have always been willing to help another another out, to help me, when they were able. I’d like to think that all families are this loving but they are not.

When I was younger I always wanted more and better than what my family had. There’s no doubt things were difficult, especially with money, and that we all have room to grow, especially in terms of handling our frustrations productively, but it seems like we do so many things to the best of out ability, if not simply right.

Spending time with my family explain things. It explains me.

Bzz.

Cole — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:32:17 +0000

That’s my busy bee sound and I absolutely have been one these last few weeks.

At the end of July, my best friend came up to visit from Texas. This included her two little girls and husband. Unknown to the folks around here, our friend/my best friend’s sister-in-law also came up so it was a throwback to middle school. I hung out with them a lot as we caught up and spent too much money as it was the week of the fair. I played games, went on rides and even saw Styx play. Somewhere in there, I went to a birthday party for my cousin’s daughter. I caught up with my older cousins, played with the younger ones and saw my grandparents for the first time since Christmas.

There were a lot of conversations and introspection and too many insides jokes to laugh. I missed them all terribly and I’m so glad that I was able to visit with both Ashley and Christina. I definitely feel closer to both of them. Christina left early Thursday afternoon and I was soon on my way, with Robyn and Wendy, to Chicago. We spent Thursday through Sunday at Wizard World Comic-Con and it was fantastic. Highlights include:

Awesome costumes
Hugs from Nicholas Brendan
Hilarious panels
Autographs from James O’Barr
Talking with Chad Lindhberg
One seriously nice hotel room!

It was far better than my first convention experience and Wendy and Robyn decided I need to hurry up and have kids so we can take them to cons. I took a few pictures and posted most of them to my Facebook in real-time. On Saturday, Wendy and I went as Desire and Death, respectively. Her costume was pretty awesome but I didn’t get a picture of me because mine was full of fail. I’d grabbed some Manic Panic in Raven to temporarily dye my hair black and did that Thursday morning before we left. Unfortunately, it just didn’t take and I had neither the time nor patience to try again. Boo.

I bought some awesome things, including bookmarks, a pillow and a poster (Batman). I spent far too much time on my feet and got far too little sleep but it was pretty exciting. We finished up on Sunday and, for some reason, my ass kept being kid-height and they kept running into it. LOL

We returned home on Sunday evening and I spent Monday relaxing for the most part. Tuesday I tried to but couldn’t get any sleep so I was exhausted by the time 8:30 AM rolled around. I was expecting my mother to shower up so we could head down to Memphis for a couple days. She showed up at least an hour late and I crammed into her friend’s tiny sedan. The five of us barely fit and I seriously considered asking them to turn around so I could go home and to sleep but figured it would make my sister sad.

The car was covered in dog fur and smelled like it too. I tried my best to live with it. Unfortunately, my bad feeling was right on target. We headed South and so did.. everything. I started out tired and nothing was horrible.. until we got to Rockford or so and my sinuses opened up and my eyes and nose just started pouring. Every time we stopped, I’d steal toiler paper or paper towels from the rest rooms. By the time night rolled around, I was pretty miserable, my throat was hurting and I was ready to get out of the car.

Unfortunately for us, the “twelve” hour trip took more like fifteen. We ran into a lot of construction and a 40-mile detour so by the time we got to Memphis, to the hotel, we were all in piss poor spirits. Illinois just didn’t want to let us go, then we hit a storm and it was 1AM by the time we checked into the hotel. The hotel in itself was pretty disappointing. It was old and falling apart at the cracks–literally. They were performing construction on the floor above us and I heard the bumping and grinding all morning. Every employee had a hard hat. It was all ghetto-iffied.

I stayed in the next morning while everyone went out for breakfast because I felt awful. I enjoyed some timed to myself to shower, dress and check my email. I snuck downstairs for leftovers of breakfast and we all packed up when Mom returned. As it turns out, I had no reason to rush. We wound up waiting around for everyone to get their act together. I am pretty impatient when people are poking around. I like to know when something is happening and to do it at that time but my mom has a clock that runs at least 45-minutes later than everyone else’s.

We were out of the hotel by noon and on our way to Graceland–the point of the trip. My mom is a huge Elvis fan and this had really been a dream of hers for some time. I enjoy Elvis but was mostly along for it to be an enjoyable experience. I can’t ever remember my mom taking a vacation or traveling someplace for something other than a family event (wedding, funeral, etc)–we’ve never been on a family vacation–so this was a HUGE deal for her. She was all fan-girlish when we got to Graceland and taking pictures all over the place. I was in control of her camera and took a bunch of pictures before the batteries died. I hope she likes the ones I took (as I speak, I’m Bluetoothing them to the laptop).

We bought tickets to tour the mansion/ground itself, the airplanes and the car museum among other things but we only did those three. The “mansion” tour is interesting because the house isn’t that big and you only have access to the bottom floor. Elvis’ bedroom and office upstairs, as well as Lisa’s room are off limits. What I did see was tacky and dated. Green shag carpet on the ceiling kind of stuff and too many mirrors everywhere. There were a lot of TVs and other appliances, which just speaks to his wealth and success. Some of the grounds had been converted to showcase his wealth and success and there were flowers and memorial signs all over. It was over pretty quickly and I left feeling disappointed.

The car museum was interesting and another testament to his wealth. If owning a Pink Cadillac is no sign of your success, then having two airplanes certainly is. I think that really struck me because airplanes weren’t common back then and this guy has two and holy crap! one of them was fancy. But it was only a few hours and we were off, back on the road. The trip was just as frustrating back, involved some doubling back and ended, for me, just shy of six o’clock yesterday morning.

I’m sitting here, sneezing and blowing my nose, and really wishing I hadn’t gone. But I’m so happy that my mom did get to go. The excitement is not yet over. Tomorrow, I finally get to see Pat Benatar perform. That will be awesome!

My Sister Loves Me This Much

Cole — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 06:34:18 +0000

Yea, it sounds a little bit like a cup or a t-shirt but I’m not entirely sure that she wouldn’t buy me one. My little sister simply idolizes me. How much?

Her favorite color is pink because my favorite color is pink.
I had my hair cut so she had her hair cut.
She plays games because I play them.
She borrows my stuffies because they smell like me.
And returns then when they stop smelling like me.
She texts/calls/IMs me multiple times a day.
She sobs every time we part from one another.
Her hugs never end.

Sure, it’s cute. It’s also a bit suffocating. My life is so hard.

Nice to See You

Cole — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 07:26:20 +0000

Birthdays are a great excuse to see people. So are movies. Geek conventions. Concerts. Graduations. All of which are on the agenda or have recently occurred. My summer is filling up quickly. Not in the “I’ll be doing something everyday” sense but in the “I’m doing a comfortable one or two things a week” category. Having time to see a variety of people without sacrificing the “me” time to do it–because my “me” time is important. I need time to at least try to wind down.

Oddly enough, I really hate giving you the rundown of “I did this and that.” Perhaps because I hate reading that. And I’m not so awesome that I can turn every event into a great story or post. Sometimes things are enjoyable but “you just had to be there.” My silence is not necessarily because of a lack of eventfulness. I laugh every day. My life is full of inside jokes. I am learning how to be social and trying to make sure that months don’t go by in between talking to or seeing someone. I am tacking classic books and movies one at a time.

And I’m still online enough to talk to all my wonderful Internet friends, to post on Facebook or Twitter, to check in on Foursquare–when I remember. I spend a lot more time forging connections to aid Reviews by Cole and sometimes I just don’t have much to post here. A week or two may go by before I realize that I haven’t posted. Yet, I don’t feel so badly about it. I always return. The people who matter do, too. When I need to blog, be it serious or light-hearted, I can.

Perhaps, once more, this has become my solace.

One hell of a houseguest

Cole — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 14:19:56 +0000

I spent yesterday with my Mom. I figured, I could push my sleepiness until late in the day and both enjoy the company of my family while resetting my schedule. I sort of succeeded on both accounts. I hung out with my sister, talked to my aunt, caught up with Mom and her husband, chilled with my cousin. I enjoyed brownies–a new tradition, it seems.

And by the time 7 PM rolled around, I was curled up on the sofa, drifting to sleep, while my sister lay on the other end. Although I had fully intended to go home, I wound up crawling in her bed and sleeping the night away. This is why I am up at 8 in the morning.

I feel so silly. I know I entertained the hell out of everyone for my tired shenanigans but I also know I would have been more active, if I weren’t so tired. I apologized to Mom for coming over to eat her brownies and fall asleep. She just laughed and said I as funny. I did, however, wash her dishes and fold some laundry before we headed out this morning so I’m glad I could help her out a bit.

Anyway, there’s no post to this except to say, yay family!

Card Shark

Cole — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 21:18:28 +0000

If you spend any time at my mom’s house, you will quickly see that we play a lot of cards. There is one game that we play in particular but it’s too fast for Samantha so I decided to teach her some more age-appropriate card games. Yes, I totally logged onto my own site to remember the rules. How awesome is that?

Now, some of you may say that poker and black jack are not age appropriate and while I would generally agree, let me argue that she pretty much kicked my butt the whole time.

Her favourite now is Egyptian Rat Killer, a game I learned and played on break when working at Wal-mart.

Wendy and I shal be headed over there tomorrow to celebrate Thanksgiving. I hope that whatever you’re doing, you all enjoy tomorrow too.