Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Sep 02

Being an Extrovert is Weird

Summer is rapidly coming to an end, and although I feel like I’ve been incredibly busy, I haven’t done much to write home about. I spent a weekend in Milwaukee, but haven’t gone to any cons. There’s been a few day trips, some game nights, many long walks with friends, Pokemon Go playing and eating out. It was all fun. There was laughter all around, but nothing stands out.

Perhaps that’s because I’ve been doing so much of it. I am currently in the midst of being the most extroverted I’ve ever been. It’s awesome but so very weird.

I recognize that being able to socialize with people, both en masse and so frequently, without needing to head home and check out for several days or hours is directly related to my anxiety being at an all-time low. I can’t argue that this is a bad thing. It’s really quite wonderful.

But it’s weird that I can more easily talk to strangers and feel more comfortable in certain spaces. That I can meet up with new people with minimal anxiety and spend hours socializing without feeling the need to end it is amazing. I’ve spent a lot of days with multiple social interactions, something that would’ve been highly unlikely if not impossible a few years ago. It does have me questioning whether my introversion was something that stood on its own of or if it’s something of a side effect of my anxiety.

A few weeks ago, I assumed that I would eventually feel more anxious and introverted  and that all would come crashing down, but while I have a hectic schedule, I seem to have found some balance. I’m not so worried about the other shoe dropping.

Although, I still do enjoy and feel energized by my down time, it’s not as necessary as it once was. In fact, I need to remind myself sometimes to do other things that I enjoy that have taken a back seat to socializing. This weekend I plan to play video games, take walks, catching up on blogging and read.. all by myself. Not having any work until Monday certainly makes this easy. Of course, I’ve already seen friends and added other things to my schedule, but I never realized how many hours were in a day until I paused from filling them all up.

So, you know, if you want to do something, I’m probably down.


Jul 11

6 Things That Make Pokemon Go More Frustrating Than Need Be

And I’m not even talking about the server issues, which make it hard to disconnect, or how I run across Rattata more than any other Pokemon. I understand that the former is bound to happen after a game launch, and the latter actually makes sense because I play in town. But there are some issues stemming from poor design and lack of in-depth testing that make the game frustrating.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still play it anyway. It makes my walks more interesting. It’s a good way to meet people. It’s fun to learn.. and this is the first Pokemon game I’ve ever played, so there’s a lot to catch up on! Plus, I was feeling a little burned out with Ingress, so Pokemon Go is a nice break.

If I can ignore these quirks, that is.

pokemon go scrolling

Think it takes a simple scroll to see the rest of this Pokemon’s info? Think again!

1. No Tutorial

In the beginning of the game, you learn how to use Pokestops in a minimal fashion. There’s no information about how to take over a gym or upgrade a gym owned by your team. Plus, you lean little about eggs and incubation or transferring extra Pokemon that you don’t need to the professor. Now, the game isn’t overly complicated, but it’s needlessly frustrating because of the lack of basic instructions.

2. Lost Battle Data

This is a well-known but extremely frustrating glitch. At the end of a battle, I should win, the opposing Pokemon remains at 1HP indefinitely. The screen isn’t quite frozen, but it

3. Freezing During Capture

Fortunately, I’ve only lost one Pokemon when this happens, and the Pokemon almost always get added to my collection anyway. But, eventually, I won’t be so lucky, and that will make this problem a much more serious one.

4. Screen Sensitivity

I have a hell of a time with transferring Pokemon because I have to press really hard to school. I don’t have issues with any other apps. Something similar happens on the map, so I have to press hard or multiple times just to select a Pokestop or Pokemon. I haven’t heard anyone else complain about this, but I’ve played on others’ phones, and it’s not a problem.

5. Broken Battery Saver

I would expect any game that uses GPS, has multiple animations and needs to stay open consistently to suck battery life, and Pokemon Go does. It also comes with a battery saver option.. that doesn’t actually work for most people. In fact, none of the options save when you log out, and most people have to sign in every time they log back in. Arg!

6. Not Everyone Has AR

Of course, one of the most disappointing aspects of Pokemon Go is that not everyone gets to experience the on-screen augmented reality. If your phone isn’t one of those with a gyroscope, you can only view wild Pokemon against the game background, not your real environment. Of course, this might actually be a boon for your battery life, but it’s less entertaining.

The problem with so many of these issues is that not everyone experiences them. For example, I hadn’t heard of anyone being able to successfully use the battery saver, so I assumed it didn’t work for anyone. This doesn’t actually appear to be true, however. And I’ve yet to find anyone who has the scrolling issue.

With so many people playing on so many devices connected to so many networks and in so many locations, there are bound to be unforeseen issues, but I hope they are quickly resolved.


May 31

A Letter You Won’t Listen To, Anyway

No one is online to talk to so I will talk to my blog.

Dear Dave,

I wasn’t expecting to see a text from you today. In fact, I puzzled about who might be texting me on my birthday when so many people use Facebook to message me. Upon seeing your name, I felt a barrage of emotions – anger, frustration, anxiety et al – and none of them was “happy.”

At first, I thought about replying to your “Happy Birthday” text. I would ask you how you wanted me to respond. But then I realized it didn’t matter because either I couldn’t provide you with what you needed, or I just didn’t care.

You had no right to message me. I know this even as I blamed myself for not double-checking you were blocked on my phone after the New Year’s message, which elicited much of the same responses in myself. I shouldn’t have to block you after requesting radio silence for months, then finally deleting you from Facebook and blocking your messages there. For a while, you were blocked on my phone, too. My signals were clear.

It’s not like I wasn’t clear when I said I had to end our friendship, either. When I made the executive decision to end our friendship, I was not only positive it was good for me. I was sure it was good for you. After years of feeling disrespected, my behavior toward you became resentful. In short, I was an asshole and I justified it. And who wants to be that way? Whether you can see it or not, being apart means you no longer have to deal with that.

It’s obvious that the absence of friendship hasn’t opened your eyes any further, however. Unwarranted contact on various occasions – all of which I’ve ignored – prove that you don’t understand why I initially needed space and that you’re currently incapable of respecting me.

I am sure some part of you hopes that you can wish me a happy birthday and I will want to talk. But my immediate response was somewhere between trying not to vomit and crying. Because every time I’ve asked for space, you’ve ignored it, as if your need for validation and reassurance trumps my need for human decency!

At first, I thought a break was all I needed. And had you left me the fuck alone, perhaps it would have. Now, I know that a break is not enough. Every time you’ve proved that you can’t or won’t listen. If space were ever a reality, it’s one you’ve certainly altered by continuing to affect me so.

I don’t know if you see this. I do know that you would surely argue your point. That’s part of the problem. That’s almost all of the problem. That’s a problem I’ve been fighting tooth and nail to eliminate for almost a year now. And you know what?

I am done. With you. Because the positivity I need in my life — and have achieved over the last few months — is unobtainable when you’re around. I only hope you can find some for yourself, without me.


May 13

My Cats Are Having Midlife Crises

I don’t know what else it could be.

Take Goliath, for example. He never used to be that vocal. He would chirp if he jumped between varying heights. He would squeak if you accidentally stepped on him, and he would growl as he carried toys around in his mouth.

Now, he’ll cry mournfully as he looks for a toy. As he carries it to me. As he drops it by me and waits for me to get out of the shower to throw it. He’ll whine for me to throw it even if he can’t see me and neither of us knows where it is. It’s pretty obnoxious.

Phantom has also become news kinds of annoying; although, he was always a bit annoying. He’s taken to dropping things such as expensive nail polish right off of tables and counters. He’ll grab papers from the mail slot on the fridge and try to eat them. Now, there are plenty of things — whining, knocking magnets down, clawing my boxspring — that he’s done for years. But these are new annoyances.

I love them but, come on now! You’d think that they’d be settled in their weirdness, and I could figure out what I need to do to live happily ever after with them.

Or not.


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