Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
May 13

My Cats Are Having Midlife Crises

I don’t know what else it could be.

Take Goliath, for example. He never used to be that vocal. He would chirp if he jumped between varying heights. He would squeak if you accidentally stepped on him, and he would growl as he carried toys around in his mouth.

Now, he’ll cry mournfully as he looks for a toy. As he carries it to me. As he drops it by me and waits for me to get out of the shower to throw it. He’ll whine for me to throw it even if he can’t see me and neither of us knows where it is. It’s pretty obnoxious.

Phantom has also become news kinds of annoying; although, he was always a bit annoying. He’s taken to dropping things such as expensive nail polish right off of tables and counters. He’ll grab papers from the mail slot on the fridge and try to eat them. Now, there are plenty of things — whining, knocking magnets down, clawing my boxspring — that he’s done for years. But these are new annoyances.

I love them but, come on now! You’d think that they’d be settled in their weirdness, and I could figure out what I need to do to live happily ever after with them.

Or not.


Mar 02

I didn’t blog at all last month.

Oops.

I did, however, meet a new guy. It didn’t work out. C’est la vie.

I finally took down my Christmas tree and decorations.

I made plans for a friend’s birthday this month and to see Panic! at the Disco next month.

I started working with a new client.

I got a credit card as part of my make-my-credit-awesome-and-buy-a-house-plan.

I cleaned up nail polish that my cat broke all over the floor. Twice.

I walked as many miles as the weather would let me. And then I sat around in pain as my ankle unexpected decidedly to hurt me. Walking hurts but not walking hurts more.

I played Ingress, albeit at a much slower pace. Level 11 is only 600k away or so!

I saw Deadpool.

I played a lot of Lord of the Rings Online. But now I’m over it.. for a while.

I decided to read more, and am working my way through at least three books. Keep up with me on Good Reads.

I forgot to pay 2/3 of my bills. Somehow. WTF.

I wrote some more poetry on my writing blog, Lyrical Musings.

I may also have a new theme idea for this blog!

So, yea, I didn’t blog last month.

But I got out of my comfort zone. I laughed and loved. I made my friends happy. I cuddled my cats. I lived.


Jan 18

This Is Why I Don’t Answer Doors

It’s cold, so I’ve been answering the back door for people more. I really don’t want to, but it annoys the fuck out of me when people pound on the door.

9 times out of 10, it’s someone who’s been locked out or the Fedex guy. The last time, though? It’s a doozy.

It’s a woman whose care has been stolen by her drug dealing baby daddy who is trying to visit someone in the building because her phone has no network or something. But that person isn’t home.

So she winds up sitting in my living room for an hour, calling a dozen different people on Ashe’s phone (because, again, hers doesn’t work), trying to get someone to come pick her up.

She calls her brother and baby daddy’s sister to complain and threaten to call the cops on this guy, who is most definitely on probation, and has taken her brother’s car for an out-of-state drug run.

I’m not making this shit up. I don’t even wish that I was because it’s such a weird story.

All her texting, calling and threatening does little, so she tries to get in touch with the guy’s PO, but it’s well after business hours, and I can tell by the sound of her voice that she doesn’t like the option and isn’t actually going to follow through by visiting the police station in the morning.

She finally gets someone to pick her up, leaves. But then she comes back because the guy who fathered her children — an error in judgment, if you ask me — hasn’t showed up. So she returns to my living room.

Meanwhile, Ashe and I can’t believe this is happening or how rude she is. She hasn’t introduced herself before using Ashe’s phone. She hasn’t apologized for invading my space, and she doesn’t say “Thank you, ” as far as I can remember.

Keep it classy, lady. You’re a reminder of who I don’t want to be.. and why I should just let people freeze to death outside.


Sep 27

Versus

I am pretty conscientious about how other people feel. I try to be thoughtful and anticipate issues. I spend a lot of time listening to people about their feeling and advising them, and I’ve got a pretty good grasp on how people react to what type of situations.

It’s safe to say, I think, that people aren’t often upset or angry with me because of this. And when they are, it’s often because of how they filter and react to the world around them and less about what I have done. But because I have tried to do everything as “right” as possible, I wind up feeling so confused and hurt when people are angry.

I try to chase them down and change those feelings, and this rarely makes things better. But in my mind, I would — and often do — cut someone slack when they have good intentions. I am sympathetic to others’ feelings, even if it means understanding both sides of the issues when one person wants me to be on “Their” side.

The last 24 hours have been frustrating for me, as someone expressed anger in my direction although not entirely at me. I felt as though it was my fault and worried that more people were angry. Truly, the situation was no one’s fault and just a bit of a misunderstanding. At best, it resulted in a “bummer” for people involved who weren’t me. It boggles my mind that someone could become so angry over it.

At the same time, I know why feelings were running so high, and I also knew it had nothing to do with me. But it was hard to see outside my role and not try to fix it.

I think I need to realize that I can’t “fix’ another person’s feelings — and that I shouldn’t have to. Those feelings are on them, and I don’t need to let them drag me down, too, especially when I can see how irrational those feelings are.

But it’s hard. IT brings me back to my ex, who would hold every negative thing I did or “made” him feel — no matter how unintended — against me. This screwup might be the time he stops dealing with pathetic, unworthy Cole. This might be the time that everything falls to pieces, and it’s all my fault.

He was incredibly manipulative in that way, and while I can see in hindsight that’s neither a person I should love, a relationship that’s healthy or happy to be in or a situation that I am creating, those feelings still creep up on me.

After my divorce, I’ve tried and continue to try so hard to be above criticism, to be so good that no one could again blame me for anything.. even if that’s unrealistic. Because I don’t want to be the person my ex painted me as, whether or not he even believed it. Because I did.

And while I know I am not the same I person if I ever was that person, I guess. It’s also important to remember the people I’m dealing with now aren’t my ex.

This is perhaps a good place to leave off, with thoughtful reflection and while watching an episode of Girls Meets World about conflict in the background.


Aug 15

I suppose I ought to write something since it’s been almost a month since my last post, and what a month it’s been!

The first week of August included my cousin’s birthday, my aunt’s wedding, the annual fair in town and GISHWHES, which was exhausting yet exhilarating. It gave me anxiety, but also a reason to talk to everyone I knew. It tested my creativity, introduced me to people and reconnected me with old friends. While I woke up anxious on some days, I went to bed feeling accomplished.

We won’t have the results for a while yet, and while I don’t know that we will win, I feel happy with that our team was able to do and what I was able to do specifically! I’ve signed up for the coffee table book review team, so I get a peek at what some of the other teams have done, which has mostly be reassuring!

My sister, cousins and a lot of children I know participated and had fun. My sister in particular enjoy spending time with me “doing cool things.” I think I need to spend more quality time with her.

My aunt’s wedding was hectic but fun, and I had an overnight guest that weekend. There was a lot of scrambling as I finished up GISHWHES. Luck would have is that my main client took off this week, so I’ve been working on catching up with blogging.

However, I’ve also caught some sort of a virus, which resulted in a cold. It’s not unusual because stress makes my immune system tank. I caught it early enough to take some supplements, so it’s not as bad as it would be otherwise.

It hasn’t stopped me from enjoying what was turned out to be a silly and alcohol-induced game night with friends, and I’ve got the bruises and stomachache to prove it. In true Cole fashion, I tried to walk it off for five miles exactly, and now my knee is throbbing and not entirely happy with me.

I’ll spend the rest of the night relaxing with my kitties and playing video games, in which I’ve been making quite the progress during my week off! It’s already 5 in the morning. I don’t know where the time went!


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