I’ve been trying to plan some rather large birthday events, which I hope would be a smashing success. The reason I want to do this is simple: my birthdays in the past have so rarely worked out that I want to make sure this year is the one. To this end, I’ve planned three things. Originally, I wanted it to be four, but that’s just not working out.
Since my birthday falls on a Friday, I planned Friday evening bowling that would be family friendly, including my own. After, I want to go to a bar where I’ll get free drinks with a friend who has the same birthday. Saturday evening, I’ve planned to have a game and drinking night at my house with people who were interested. I figured with the variety of options, I’d be able to invite people who might have trouble making arrangements for their children, provide a weekend full of fun that people would be able to work into their schedules and find something that everyone would enjoy. I pretty thoughtfully sent out invitations to the events via Facebook and, then, texted people to let them know about the event in case they don’t tend to look at them or missed it.
I thought that, maybe, the RSVPs would start rolling in, but fewer than a third of people I’ve invited to any of the events have said they’re going. Some people have said they’ll go to X event but won’t do X, which is super annoying. I got a whole lot of “Maybes” and even someone who RSVPed after telling me she probably couldn’t show up. Logistically, it’s a nightmare because I have no idea how much food or refreshments I’m going to need.
But emotionally? It’s a bummer. Some of my very close friends won’t be there because they’ve made plans. some of those plans happened before I sent the invite, but I consider these people close enough that I’m a little shocked and completely disappointed that they made plans on my birthday or after I sent the invite. It makes me feel unimportant to them, even though I know there may be other logical reasons and that these people might care in their own way but just can’t give me this one weekend out of the year.
Still, it’s hard to be positive because the people who have said they’ll show up are a group of people with whom I worry I’ll be uncomfortable around en masse. One of the people who won’t be able to make it is exactly the sort of person who can diffuse that sort of situation.
Nevertheless, I know I’m being dramatic. I think it’s that hormonal time of month that’s adding to it, and I have nothing to convince me that I won’t have a good time or that people won’t surprise me. Furthermore, plenty of people have RSVPed to everything, which should make me feel loved. A single day — or weekend — doesn’t negate all my existing friendships. In fact, my birthday might come and pass and it’ll be a blast and I’ll forget all about my anxieties, which often happens.
I just need something to distract me until then.