Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
May 10

Impact

Heather B Armstrong, who owned the blog Dooce, died by suicide yesterday. If you’re one of the handful of people left who still read my blog, then this name probably rings a bell. Heather became infamous when she was fired for writing about her job in her blog, which she then turned into a lucrative career.

I personally never read much of her work, but her name was well-known, and people who I know from forum and blogging spheres from 20 or so years ago have commented how Heather’s honesty about depression helped them speak up about their own. Her influence is undeniable.

Heather was arguably the first mommy blogger–well before anyone used that term and years before I found myself seemingly at odds with mommy bloggers when I owned the review blog. I was so tired of being lumped in with mommy bloggers because I was also a young woman who reviewed things. It irked me to no end because sometimes emails from brands or PR managers addressed mommy bloggers specifically, ignoring people like me who had neither children nor aspirations to have them.

At the time, I took most of my ire out on the mommy bloggers, instead of the companies who deserved to be called out for their misogyny, for upholding the part of society that only sees value in women who bear children. My internalized misogyny reared its ugly head when I directed my other frustration at mommy bloggers; I was far from calling myself a feminist at that point (and they were, in some respects, my competition).

Of course, it only made sense that mommy bloggers were the burgeoning genre du jour: many of them were young women like myself who dedicated time to creating, designing, and posting in their blogs. They simply continued to do so after they had children. Some of them simply found a new way to advertise themselves when they saw the potential for free goods or paid posts!

In retrospect, perhaps some of these people marketed themselves as mommy bloggers–or defined themselves as mothers–because that was the only way they could make a niche for themselves as women in this world. They, too, struggled under the oppression that has tried to keep me down. Perhaps I was jealous because they formed brands and discovered niches in a way that I never could. I had too many interests to pin down, and while that might make someone interesting as a friend, it wasn’t easily marketable, at least not by me at that time.

I was a fairly active review blogger for a few years, but the self-promotion was excruciating. I didn’t make much headway because I never wanted it to be more than a hobby. Those who took it seriously as a career, people like Heather, achieved more success. The last few years of the review blog had little more than a post a year, even if people in my everyday life assumed it was still active. Instagram and other social media were the new fad, and I wasn’t interested in joining–and still haven’t. I wanted my content to be about my words (ignore the lack of posting on this blog, plz).

Although I haven’t owned the domain for my review blog for over a year (or is it 2 or 3??), I still find some of these mommy bloggers in my social media feeds. Most of them have walked away from this type of blogging like I have, perhaps because they were also burned out by it. Others have changed their brand or niche., More often than not, I delete these pages from my life forever. They were only ever tangentially related, anyway.

But still, as it often happens when something encourages introspection, I feel the need to apologize. Even if I didn’t cause real harm. Even if the people I felt frustrated with didn’t even know who I am. I will never achieve the influence of Dooce as a blogger, but that doesn’t mean I don’t impact others, that my existence doesn’t send ripples out in the world. Let’s all take the opportunities to consider our impact when they arise–and be glad for those who have impacted us.


Sep 07

In Which Cole Lists Life Stuff

Sorry for the ads the last few days. It was an easy way to make a few bucks, but I thought I did okay tying it into my life, even if it wasn’t tied into my life at present.

So I shall make a list type thing of stuff that is going on in my life. Feel free to not care. ;)

  • Look at this fuzzy shoe

    Look at this fuzzy shoe

    I broke a nail and tried the bond-it-with-a-coffee-filter technique I’ve heard about. It’s been a weak and 3 applications later, but it seems to work. I just have to hope that I don’t get it caught or stuck on something before it has a bit of time to grow out.

  • Phantom is being a crazy whiny baby who is pawing at doors and walls and furniture for no good reason. It doesn’t help me sleep.
  • Last night I had games and drinks with friends at my place after enjoying a really good burger at a nice bar with a cute bartender.  I woke up needing pain killers, hydration and a shower, but it was really good times.
  • The last two points have contributed to me not getting nearly enough sleep lately. My eyes hurt ,but my schedule is so dumb that I cannot allow myself to sleep as long as I’d like to feel fully rested. Right now, I’m getting up nearly at sunset. I need to reset this thing. Ugh.
  • Some good friends are in the area for a while. The reason for their visit/stay isn’t good, but getting to see them is.
  • One of my best friends in the world signed a lease in my building, and I am so freaking excited about this!
  • I got my electric bill for last month, and it’s so cheap! It went down $10 despite me using my window AC. I think this is because my old refrigerator died, and I got a newer one. I cannot complain either way.
  • Although I didn’t have my laptop for over a week because the DC jack broke off inside it, I have it back now. I missed my baby immensely. It’s such a good machine — really.
  • I’ve got two really exciting events I’m going to attend coming up: a Pat Benatar concert and the Blues Brothers Revue.
  • I’m planning on buying an SSHD to replace the HDD in my laptop. I are excited!
  • I recently rooted my phone. I haven’t done as much with it as I plan, but I did it myself and it’s already performing a little better in terms of memory usage.
  • I was a little bummed that the shoes I only had for a month and a half wore out, but I found a new pair that’s super cute and cheap. Said shoes are in the picture to the right, but Goliath is definitely more important!
  • I will still need to move to a new host eventually, but I’ve got a bit more time to do it now.
  • Store are full of Halloween stuff! I cannot wait to get shopping and decorating!!
  • I’ve actually been writing poetry again.
  • I have some really cool giveaways and reviews going on/coming up on Reviews by Cole.
  • I got my hair cut and dyed. The cut is similar to what I had last time, but it’s mostly black with some red. Quite different. I like it more every day, though.

I keep thinking of more things to add. This short blog is longer than I expected. I shall cut it off here!


Mar 28

Selling Yourself Is Not the Same as Selling Out

My heart is broken. I’ve lost a good friend, and arguing over blogging isn’t on top of my list of things I’d like to do. However, I’m doing it anyway. Any I’m not even sure why. I’m not even sure what the argument is anymore, but here’s the back story.

A blogger asked a group of bloggers about where to draw the line between pleasing brands and readers. She viewed her readers as ultimately the most important. I agreed, and replied about how my main goal with Reviews by Cole is to be honest and to provide a real service to my readers. In fact, my most commented on posts are reviews of items that I bought myself and gave honest, and usually negative, reviews on. Consumers search out those reviews, and they feel so strongly about the same subject that they are compelled to leave comments. It’s kind of amazing because some of the things I’ve written and have expected to be less popular are the most popular posts on my site.

And, yes, I write for my readers because my review blog is a hobby. Oh, it’s a labor of love, all right, and I bet some people wonder why I do it considering that I don’t get paid for it, and I can understand that. Then again, plenty of people put time and money and labor into hobbies like that. However, I started blogging so many years ago, and monetization wasn’t a word. I mean, we were just trying to figure out HTML and how to add comments. No one was how PR and social media would be in 2013.

It’s been almost five years since I started Reviews by Cole, and I did it for two reasons.

  1. I wanted the extra cash from sponsored posts
  2. I really wanted to provide a forum for people to have information about products

For about a year, I almost exclusively reviewed things I purchased because it created the content I needed for my blog. Was it getting companies some backlinks? Maybe, but I was writing honest reviews, some good, some bad. The more often I work with companies for reviews and giveaways, the more work I have to do. I’m searching for companies, sending pitches, replying to pitches, posting on social networks, communicating with other bloggers, so on and so forth. So, yes, it’s a lot of work that I don’t get paid for. I understand why people would want to get paid for it, and I even understand that it’s something of a luxury that I have a choice at all.

“Cole,” they say “we have to get paid to blog to pay our bills.” I don’t want to be classist here, but the only thing I can think of in response is “Sucks to be you.” Because these bloggers will never be able to enjoy blogging the way I’ve been able to. But, you see, I don’t want my job to be something that I love doing. I can’t turn into a truly pro blogger because I would hate doing it. I would hate the restrictions that come from working at something I love like that. Perhaps it sounds odd, but I’m just not the type of person who can do that. I would become resentful and eventually come to hate the very thing I’d love. No, if I’m going to have to work for someone else, I’m going to pick a job I’m not crazy about to begin with because I can handle disliking it.

I digress a bit, however. The point isn’t necessarily that I would dislike blogging as a job, but that coming as it as a hobbyist, I cannot help but view some people who see it as a job as less genuine. Because they have to get paid. They have bills. They have to do what brands and companies ask, and they might be doing things they don’t love or fully endorse “because it’s a job.”

This is where my beef comes in, though. Stay with me. As bloggers working with companies, we’re constantly fighting a battle to prove that what we have to offer — backlinks, honest opinions, Tweets and our audiences — are of value. We try to avoid underselling and convince PR reps  that what we have is worth something, and that something is often cold, hard cash. To prove our value, we have to sell ourselves. We put on our best smiles and we try to win people over to our side. We negotiate what is fair and acceptable. Even the FTC has something to say about that, now.

Blogging will never go back to what it once was, and I don’t have a problem with that. What I have a problem with is selling out. Because when you will do anything for a buck, aren’t you essentially saying that you have nothing of value to offer? If you bend over backwards or restrain yourself from telling the truth to your readers in the name of your relationship with a company, are you really helping anyone? Doesn’t the power of “Yes” only stem from the option to say “No”? Hint: yes, that’s exactly where it comes from. So when people sign up for brands and do all their bidding in the name of paying their bills, I understand, but I don’t condone it.  If you have to push aside your values to pay your bills, perhaps you need a different job — honestly.

There’s a difference between professionalism when it comes to brand interaction and being a slave to the brand just like there’s a difference between selling what you have and selling out. In fact, if you’ve only ever made your blog after you figured out that you could make money from it, you probably didn’t have anything to offer in the first place. Sorry. It’s not the same as starting an shop or a restaurant because then you make money directly from customers. You want to please the general public with your products and services, and their needs have to be met if you want to stay in business. Now, most of us aren’t going to have readers pay to read our blogs, but you should still provide some sort of value to your readers. If you don’t, you’re selling out and, yes, polluting the Internet.

And if you’re offended? Maybe you secretly know that you’re in the wrong.


Jan 12

I Don’t Give a Damn About EdgeRank

If you’re not familiar, that’s the term for Facebook’s algorithm. If you want to show up in a person’s feed, you need a lot of likes, shares and comments. It’s how it works. That’s why some pages disappear from your feeds, while other peoples are always there. I get how it works, but I don’t care. Unless I’m fooling around in a thread with my friends, I don’t want to manipulate it.

Why?

The people who want to see my Facebook page already do. They make a point to find it. They read. They comments. I smile. Happily ever after. The end.

People who have liked my page may not want to see what I have to say all the time, and they may have done so in passing. Maybe engagement isn’t what matters to them. I say this because I am one of those readers. I ignore 99% of what shows up in my feed because I just don’t have time for that shit.

And that’s the second reason why I couldn’t care less about EdgeRank. My blogs are my hobbies. They’re fun. They’re mildly profitable. They’re engaging to some, but they’re not my source of income. They don’t even take priority over my friends and family. I don’t think in blog and, you know what? I do pretty well with that stance. I don’t feel like I have sold myself out. I haven’t forsaken quality for quantity, and that’s important to me.

So, whatever. Concern yourself with EdgeRank. I won’t.


Jul 25

3 Ways Google’s Webmaster Tools Helps Your Site

If you’re like me, you might not like signing up for new services. I have hundreds of accounts everywhere, and if something isn’t worth my time, I’d rather skip it. However, Webmaster Tools is one of the things that you absolutely shouldn’t skip. Here’s three reasons why!

Indexing with a Sitemap

Chances are, Google won’t naturally index every page of your site, so Webmaster Tools lets you go in and add a sitemap that lists them all. If your website has several hundred pages, give it a few days. Then, when you log in, you get to see how many pages are indexed. At first, I used my RSS, but I was surprised to see how little this helped. Google only knew about 11 pages. Eleven! I opted for a WordPress sitemap plug-in, instead, and now 1600+ pages are indexed. Nice!

Google won't miss a page when you add a sitemap

Google won’t miss a page when you add a sitemap

Changing Sitelinks

Sitelinks are what Google calls all those little sublinks under your domain when someone searches for the domain name. Once your pages are all indexed, you’ll start to see them. Google automatically picks ones that work the best, but the search engine isn’t always right. You can log in to Webmaster Tools, click on a property and add certain links to the ignore list, which strongly encourages the search engine to promote other links, instead. It’s not perfect, but it does afford you some control over your website’s appearance in the SERPs.

 

Fix Those Broken Links

Four oh dear! No one likes a broken link, but I had quite a few, because my site had been around for so long. I’d transferred blog platforms and domains and permalink structures a couple times. For whatever reason, Google was still thinking that pages from six years ago still existed, when they didn’t. I could have saved some hassle if I started it on my broken links after the indexing completed, but I waded in before. Regardless, you can use Webmaster Tools to look for broken links on your own website–and then fix them! It results in a better experience for your users, and those links can help your PageRank in the long run.


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