So, you see, I won this giveaway a while back. It was for $20 worth of stuff from Tmart. I had a hell of a time picking things out because there are thousands of things, and all the variations of an item are listed separately, and it looks like this is more of a marketplace with many vendors than a single retailer, so on and so forth. I did finally settle on a couple things, not the least of which was this lamp that I really liked.
You see, the thing about Tmart is that prices are cheap because stuff is made in Asia and you have to do all the assembly yourself. Now, if you’re wondering this, “Cole, do you put stuff together? Do you have any idea how to do this?”, then you’re not alone. No, I don’t put stuff together. No, I don’t do things. I’m not very patient with stuff that requires intricate steps, and my long-ish (they’ve since broken) nails make it even more difficult.
So when this “lamp” showed up in a box with every single piece separate, I was cautiously determined to put it together. Also annoyed. Okay, mostly annoyed. I really should have taken a picture of the tiny box that this lamp came in. The box was no more than 2 inches high. How does a lamp fit in there? Pretty easily when every god damned piece is separate.
Thus began the journey of putting together the lamp. Fortunately, the instructions were in good English. Frustratingly, it looks like the company had changed some pieces of used the same instructions for a couple variations because not all of the pieces looked or fit exactly how the instructions suggested. So I pulled out parts A through Q and started going through the motions, putting pieces together. Inserting screws. Tightening bolts.
It wasn’t all unicorns and daisies. Nope! The very first piece was sort of loose to begin with, and not knowing what the hell I was doing, I just went with it. It wasn’t until I got to the point where I needed to attach the bulb part to the base that I realized this was a problem. I eventually wound up at the point where I was shoving contact pieces into the battery holder, so I could test batteries. I did so, but couldn’t get the tiny bulb screwed in cause of the loose part. Fortunately, I was at a point where I could take out those very first parts to fix it, and fix it I did. As I did this, I actually realized that the instructions were written in an order that made it more difficult to put the lamp together than I thought.
Then this left the “shade,” which was made of a filmy plastic. Thing old camera film. The “shade” was in three pieces, cut so that it makes the geometric shape you see in the photos. Each side of the shape has an extra tab, and you attach these tabs together with double-sided tape. Whoever thought of this is an idiot. I mean, it’s the cheapest and simplest way to do this, but it’s also fucking difficult. Two hours later, and I was finally done. I had nearly given up once, when it came to inserting tiny screws into holes that didn’t quite line up, but I stuck it out.
The biggest issue you’ll see when you look at this lamp in a well-lit room is that those angles just don’t match up. As Ashe said, it looks crappy. Not because of the job I did, but could I couldn’t do a better job given the materials. I guess that’s what you get for a $10 lamp that you got for free.
However, when you turn off the lights, it looks amazing!**
Turn off the lights and turn on the stars
**This photo doesn’t do it justice.