Decorative Flower
Her Realm, Personal website and blog of Cole
Aug 09

My Suicidal Dream

im having razorblade thoughts, razorblade dreams
and im afraid im going to do something
that ill hurt me..
and im afriad of what people with think
im afraid of not being strong enough
and i dont know why this all is
i dont know why im here
or why this body is so sacred
i dont think it is
i think it should be abuse and hurt
its a curse, it should be ended
its too good for me
i dont deserve this
i dont deserve life
why is it always about everybody else?
im afraid ill wind up on a hospital bed
because i did something
because i wont let anyone in
dont you think i fucking try?
i do!
but i cant
i dont know how!
i dont know how..
not knowing something..
being human
i hate this curse
and i wont even left myself feel this way im guilty for taking away their attention guilty because ive not the right to feel? this is all insane and i just want to cry i almost cried but was it real? what is real? i am escaping from reality.. always in my mind why cant i live? why am i on the outside? i want somewhere to run to someplace to be home something thats familiar and you know im trying to reach out but i just cant and does that make me a failure?

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