Around Christmas I always feel closer to god and this tends to confuse me.
I'm not sure if the holiday makes it easier to believe or perhaps it induces guilt that makes me feel I should believe.

Perhaps it's also how empathetic I can be when it comes to music. songs have always made me feel happy, sad or angry as though I could understand exactly what the lyrics meant and why should Christmas music be any different? Perhaps I can understand the feeling of worship, adoration and admiration without actually feeling them.

Still, it may be the time I spent - however few and far between - in Church, Sunday school and with religious loved ones has cemented a seed of belief in me that I still have not managed to shake.

It would be wonderful top believe in a benevolent higher being, would it not? Of course, it seems impractical in today's world, especially when so many people use religion as a crutch, a way to shirk their responsibilities. But also when so many things cause one to question why that being would allow such to happen. Of course, it's always difficult to figure out where to draw the line when it comes to free will. When one wants to blame "God," for every negative aspect of existance does one not negate every individual's own responsibility to do good, to be good?

Still, in a world lacking anything magical or miraculous, one wonders how someone or thing which is all of that and more could exist? But is that to say what one cannot see cannot exist?

I suppose I've talked myself out of this God thing by now. I should be a lawyer. -chuckles-
Cole @ 10:00 AM
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Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
From now on,
our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Gather near to us once more.

Through the years
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow
Hang a shining star
upon the highest bough.
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now.




Cole @ 10:02 PM
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Lately, I've noticed, I've been seeing (or looking for?) things which seem to comment on the human condition, as it were, in television and movies. Thought we often tune in to the sets to unplug from our lives ad reality, all sorts of truths can be seen, even in the lightest of comedy. Why people do what they do, how people interact, how things affect others so on and so forth. Even something as simple as 2 and a Half Men can give light to what makes people ticks and while serious matters may be given a humourous tone, there's still much to be learned when we can view things outside of ourselves which pertain to what's inside of each of us.
Cole @ 9:53 PM
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In the holiday spirit, hop over and download A Mad Russian's Christmas by Trans-Siberian Orchestra on the songs page. It's definitely an awesome take on an old favourite and I would recommend it to anyone who likes any other work by TSO.
Cole @ 5:02 PM
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More to come later

Cole @ 8:34 PM
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Do you hang stocking? I love to but am having the hardest time thing year, picking things for Rian. Partly due to the fact that our stocking holders/hangers are not super heavy so I have to be careful with the weight. (So no batteries, eh).

I've come up with lots of ideas, though, which don't work so well for him and I figured maybe someone else would get some use out of it. So, without further ado:

Stocking Stuffer Ideas

MP3 player/iPod
Socks
Gloves
Hat
Scarf (or a set!)
Lighters/Zippo
Blank CDs
Mixtape/CD
Batteries (or rechargeable batteries and a charger)
Cell phone
Headphones/Ear buds
Phone, Gas or Gift Cards
Ornments
Candy/Cookies
Toy Cars
Deck of Cards
Mini board games
Handheld video games
Video Game
PSP/Gameboy/DS
Movie
Book
Map
Stationary Set
Darts
Snow Scraper
Hand Warmers
Hot Chocolate/Coffee Packets
Gum
Dice
Jacks
Marbles
Silly Putty
Software
Key Chain
USb Key Chain
CD
Camera
Address Book
Nail Polish
Chapstick, Lip stick/gloss
Pens
Candles
Trial Sized Toiletries
Flashlight
Manicure Set
Makeup Brushes
Toothbrush/paste/floss
Sewing Kit
Lotion
Cookie Cutters
Journal
Calculator
Notepad
Stapler
Tools
First Aid Kit
Play Dough
Bouncy Balls
Ear Muffs
Cell Phone Accessories
365 Day Desk Calendar
luggage Tags
Bookmarks
Jewelry
Pocket Dictionary
Cufflinks
Razor
Harmonica
Incense
Mini Liquor
Chalk
Shot Glasses
Snow Globe
Tie
Watch
Wallet
Yoyo
Bottle/Cork Opener
Letter/Card
Recipe
Money/Check
Swiss Army Knife
Mousepad
Guitar Picks/Strings
Cigarette Case
Paddleball
Event Tickets
Plane Tickets
Slippers
Walkie Talkies/Radios
Cole @ 12:12 AM
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What do you want for Christmas? Do you know what you're getting and is it what you want? What presents did you pick out for your loved ones? Are you participating in any gift exchanges (Secret Santa, White Elephant)?
Cole @ 12:03 AM
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I have, for some time, felt that there has not been a niche for myself and people like myself on the internet. Though I grew up in teen chat rooms and communities, others my age have grown apart and dispersed online. And although there are many communities online for other ages groups (and countless more dedicated to specific hobbies and interests), there lacks a unified community made up of those I would call my peers.

I searched for forums and chatrooms to no avail. I exhausted myself browsing through countless Myspace groups, though none of them were quite what I wanted. So I decided to create my own.

Thus, I bring to you 2X: The 20 Somethings.



Please join!
Cole @ 8:44 PM
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Pulled in by the music that brings me back to a time where heart ache abounds, always just around the corner and, even though pain seems inevitable - almost a way of life - sometimes I still long for those days because, in their own way, they were simpler.

Passions came and went and love was deep and fiery, if for only a short time, and (often) unrequited. A much more careless time when nothing mattered more than the specific hue of red (or purple or black) I would paint in my lips in that morning and last night's chemistry homework which I'd forgotten to complete.

A time when the life was fun and the "real world" hadn't yet grasped me within its claws. Where emotions ran wild and unchecked and where my heart felt the suffering because of it yet was durable and had enough elasticity that I rebounded so much more quickly.

A time when music ruled in the world and was more important to my being than breathing. When I could walk down the street completely oblivious to the whispers and stares and the fear of being unaccepted was still completely foreign.

A time when one sentence started before its predecessor ended and thoughts flowed together, a raging torrent of tumult which spilled so nicely onto paper (or screen) from my finger tips. I was never short a muse or missing inspiration, always in my element always feeling things so much more deeply than anyone else (or so I thought).

The core of myself flowing out into everything around me and bringing the world back into myself to become one with everything. Where every sense was exhilarated by life; the colours and music and perfumes and touch of life were all so vibrant and I felt simply alive. Even if I didn't know it then.

And I feel a different person, not just in a different place. Shackled by real life and responsibility. Living simply to exist and work and taking no satisfaction from the mundane toil of every day. Wondering just when, exactly, did I settle down and accept the life I always refused to have for myself.

I wonder, then, if I will feel nostalgic about this part of my life sometime in the future.
Cole @ 11:20 PM
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So November was going strong and then it fizzled out. I wouldn't have made Kurt Cobain proud, huh?

I've been busy busy with the Christmas season. It was the middle of November and I had plenty of the and the-next-thing-I-know it's December and everything is sold out and I don't have any time at all!

I had wanted a real tree but they sold out quickly here because of limited supply. I had been trying to get ahold of the people but they were Denver around when I had time, although they hounded everyone else. I thought they'd have some left because no one I knew was buying but they didn't. Furthermore, because of the time spent trying to buy a real tree, almost all of the artificial ones sold out here so I couldn't even have a tree I didn't want.

At first, I was pretty devastated but then it dawned on me that I cannot possibly have a perfect Christmas here away from all those I love and I should just be grateful for what I do have: Rian and, soon, a miniature artificial tree (thanks to Target).


But, let me tell you, the lack of shopping options here is especially frustrating now. I am not one of those people who likes to shop for Christmas months early. I love Christmas but I don't want to be tired of it by December 25!



Apparently, though, everyone else does want to shop early which means that, by December 3, everything worth buying was sold out. All we have managed is our stockings and the holders which are sitting on the book case. There's no tree lights or tree stands to be found on base so I guess it's better that I bought a prelit fake tree.

There's also a lack of ornaments (except for bulbs. of which there are millions!) so I've been trying to purchase things online but because so many places do not ship out here, I've been resorting to Ebay. OF course, Ebay isn't a guarantee and a few things I really wanted have been stolen right out from under me. -pouts-

This Christmas, we're going to have to be a little creative (though not this creative) and perhaps settle for a little less than I'd prefer. It is, honestly, a bit disheartening because I want it to be super-duper special so Rian will come to like the holiday and also because we weren't able to celebrate it last, it's our first real Christmas together.

Still, that is the key word: together; and that is really what I love most about this holiday, the togetherness. This year may not be great but next year certainly can be.
Cole @ 8:39 PM
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