12/07/2007

Pulled in by the music that brings me back to a time where heart ache abounds, always just around the corner and, even though pain seems inevitable - almost a way of life - sometimes I still long for those days because, in their own way, they were simpler.

Passions came and went and love was deep and fiery, if for only a short time, and (often) unrequited. A much more careless time when nothing mattered more than the specific hue of red (or purple or black) I would paint in my lips in that morning and last night's chemistry homework which I'd forgotten to complete.

A time when the life was fun and the "real world" hadn't yet grasped me within its claws. Where emotions ran wild and unchecked and where my heart felt the suffering because of it yet was durable and had enough elasticity that I rebounded so much more quickly.

A time when music ruled in the world and was more important to my being than breathing. When I could walk down the street completely oblivious to the whispers and stares and the fear of being unaccepted was still completely foreign.

A time when one sentence started before its predecessor ended and thoughts flowed together, a raging torrent of tumult which spilled so nicely onto paper (or screen) from my finger tips. I was never short a muse or missing inspiration, always in my element always feeling things so much more deeply than anyone else (or so I thought).

The core of myself flowing out into everything around me and bringing the world back into myself to become one with everything. Where every sense was exhilarated by life; the colours and music and perfumes and touch of life were all so vibrant and I felt simply alive. Even if I didn't know it then.

And I feel a different person, not just in a different place. Shackled by real life and responsibility. Living simply to exist and work and taking no satisfaction from the mundane toil of every day. Wondering just when, exactly, did I settle down and accept the life I always refused to have for myself.

I wonder, then, if I will feel nostalgic about this part of my life sometime in the future.
Cole @ 8:20 AM
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