The Scrolls

Archive for September, 2007

Bumbleebee Desktop

I don’t post good things nearly as often as I should and definitely not as often as the negative or mundane. I also rarely post pictures and photos (on the blog, at least, anyone who’s looked at my pictures page knows I post many there!); so, without further ado, here is some goodness in photo form.

More to come when FTP comes back up. For now, I’m enjoying Flickr‘s “Blog It” feature. -gasp- I know, you’d never imagine me saying that, right? Nevertheless, I can see how it will be nice when I only want to post a picture or 2.

My newest desktop theme – done by hand, of course – and complete with Bumblebee theme. I’m not sure whether I like him or Optimus better. Hmm. Decisions, decisions. Anyway, you can admire my sexy, silver flatscreen monitor here,

Sunset

I don’t post good things nearly as often as I should and definitely not as often as the negative or mundane. I also rarely post pictures and photos (on the blog, at least, anyone who’s looked at my pictures page knows I post many there!); so, without further ado, here is some goodness in photo form.

More to come when FTP comes back up. For now, I’m enjoying Flickr‘s “Blog It” feature. -gasp- I know, you’d never imagine me saying that, right? Nevertheless, I can see how it will be nice when I only want to post a picture or 2.

We are very fortunate to have many beautiful sunsets and to be high enough (the 9th floor) to have an almost unobstructed view. Additionally, our balcony has a view of the lake off base and mountains in the background. Sometimes it it quite stunning. Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite as dark as is appears in the photo so the true beauty doesn’t shine through.

More to come, later.

Cheer up, Buttercup!

I don’t post good things nearly as often as I should and definitely not as often as the negative or mundane. I also rarely post pictures and photos (on the blog, at least, anyone who’s looked at my pictures page knows I post many there!); so, without further ado, here is some goodness in photo form.

A yummy Halloween themed cake I made recently. I had been wanting cake and Rian doesn’t like strawberry so I settled on confetti. Sadly, the cake aisle had none, but I was in luck because the bread section had some Halloween baking items! It might not be homemade, but it was (soon to be “was”) delicious!

Finally!

I’ve been trying for several days to publish a post. -grumbles at Blogger- It finally worked!

Also, please ignore the odd looking parts of the site. Something accidentally ate my CSS file.

Clever Title

I’ve updated all the sub-navigation (girl, site, links, content) pages so they look and function a bit nicer, in my opinion. I’ve also been finishing up the Website Primer. All old pages have been completely updated and there’s a few new ones, too. You’ll find information on getting started, content, image use, divs, hosting, getting hits and http://7and1.net/content/website-primer/hits.php!

I’ve also slightly increased the font size across the site. I know a few people thought it was a bit small and tonight it seemed incredibly tiny to me so I changed it.

[edit]
I’ve added a page to help those interested in learning about blogs, blogging programs and related questions. Step over to Blog 101 if you’ve ever considered starting a blog but just didn’t know how!

tiiired

I went to bed at 3, with the intent of getting 6 hours of sleep. I tossed and turned restlessly for several hours, until Rian came in to bed. I tossed some more and decided to sleep on the couch. It worked for a bit. Around 7, I went back to the bed and finally got a few blinks of shut eye. Not nearly enough, though. Today is going to suck.

Confession

I was lost and my faith was lost, too. I lost my faith in humanity, in myself and in us. I looked upon everyone as scum of the Earth; I assumed everyone was a liar, a cheater, a thief, a manipulator. I thought everyone was out to get everyone else, especially me. I feared that people only had one goal: to be horrible and make everyone miserable. In reality, I was being the horrible person and I was the one intent on making everyone else miserable because I would only be happy if they weren’t. And I wasn’t happy, as you would probably expect; I was a bully and I was miserable because I wouldn’t let myself be anything else.

Tonight, I saw a couple holding hands and I felt happy for them and I thought that it was such an unusual feeling and it was so tragic that it was unusual. I want to be happy for people; I don’t want my only satisfaction coming from making or seeing others miserable. But I can’t do that until I let go of some of my insecurities and perhaps some of my insecurities are well founded.

And I think I finally had a moment of acceptance today – acceptance of my own humanity. And it was such a relief to simply be rather than trying to be better. Such a weight was off my shoulders and it felt great, honestly, great. Sometimes I am so competitive, so unproductively competitive and, in the end, it all comes back around and makes me miserable. Others may have a hard time living up to my expectations but I have the hardest time of all.

I feel as though I’ve come to a new place, a better place and I recognize where I was before; I recognize it for how detrimental and self-destructive it really was. Not only that, but I can see how it was hurting others, hurting those I would never wish to hurt. But I was.

Furthermore, I see how I got to that place, what it was the dragged me so low and helped prevent me from coming back up again. And I can see how easy it would be for that dark force to enter my life again.

I don’t want to go back there again. I won’t. I would do anything to prevent that, anything.

Even if it means leaving.