The Scrolls

Archive for August, 2005

My thoughts on humanity

hearing: Construction
feeling: My numb ass
wanting: Something to drink

I could begin by saying “People are stupid” and many of you would agree with me. Someone might see this and regard me as callous and click away. There would probably be a few different thoughts but if I don’t elaborate, for the most part, it really won’t make anyone think.

Let me start by saying that by using the word “stupid” I don’t necessarily mean unintelligent or uneducated. Rather, I’m using the word as an umbrella term which may include those dictionary definitions but also includes thoughtlessness, pettiness, a lack of common sense, and any other characteristic which makes me cringe and dislike humanity as a whole and/or individuals. So, people do things which I don’t like and for the ease of this post, we will call them stupid, regardless of whether or not that’s really fair or accurate. I don’t care.

The first instance where the stupidity of people really started to sink in, occurred online. I visit a community which is basically split up into two sections. Now, there were two community “events” planned, one for each side, and they happened to be planned for the same day. To make a long story short, the BDSM discussion was canceled and some toes were trampled. Why? I don’t know. There were 2 events with plenty more days open on which to schedule them but there was a huge lack of communication between both sides, obviously. To me it seems that, with such a small community, you’d want to have as large a turnout as possible and in order to do that you would have to not divide the populace by having schedule conflicts. This was painfully obvious to me, so I said so and, in turn, it inspired a bunch of responses about how both sides were so separate and different and responses about how both sides were pathetically the same, only under different guises. Fucking rawr. It’s a simple concept: make every event as accessible to the masses as possible so that it will be more successful. It shouldn’t have been so complicated and I don’t know whether it was some strange sort of pride or just pettiness which made it result in such a mess.

The second example, is more of a series of observations, also online. At a forum I visit (although not so frequently as much), there’s generally a fair amount of new posts but while I may click through 7 or 8 pages, I might make only 1 or 2 posts. This is due to the fact that most of the posts are either pictures of members, plugs of their sites, or absolute meaningless drivel which leaves absolutely no way or reason to reply which won’t be even more of a waste of time than the original post (copies of online/phone convos, posts about what the member will be wearing to the first day of school, forum text games, “which do you like better” posts, and so on). Why do people waste their time with these meaningless posts? At Lavish, there was a post about the teeny bopper forums and I was a bit offended and thought “At least they’re active” but now I think I’d take a slightly less active board with more meaningful posts (and some slightly pretentious members) over this shit any day.

Let me also give you some examples that occurred offline. Of course, right now my relationship with some members of my family is very tense and uncomfortable. It’s the worst with Tim because he has decided to be all high and mighty and exact some sort of petty vengeance because he is angry/hurt/what have you about something I did (which I admit was a mistake) but was not directly about him. That’s right, he’s pissed off about something which was not about him and was not directed at him. To make matters worse, he assumes that other members of the family are lying/gossiping to me about them (him and Mom), which they aren’t, and they both proceeded to tell off the entire family. Great. Just fucking great. Be a little more pathetic will you? Can your ego get any bigger?

Finally, I will leave you with a story about a girl I know and I will call her a friend but, lately, she’s done some things which don’t appear to be very smart. We had been closer in high school but she went through a couple foster homes and God-knows-what and we lost contact, until recently. We hang out a bit and I was a bit annoyed with her behaviour, which hadn’t much changed since Freshman year. Anyway, she was engaged and has recently married. However, she kept dropping hints about someone and she told me she couldn’t tell me in front of her now husband. Fine. Later, in the bathroom at the restaurant, she tells me how she was drunk and slept with some guy, only a few days after she got married! WTF! To make it even more dramatic, her husband fucked his ex the day before their wedding.. Really, now. It’s stupid kids like that which make people frown upon young adults getting married! She’s already talking about an annulment and all I can think is “Then why did you get married in the first place?”

Ugh. And this ends my rant about humanity, for now.

A little somethin’

I’ve been updating the splash, deleting/updating fanlistings, joining directories, (re)joining topsites, etc. If you’re an owner of a site and don’t see a link back, please feel free to remove me from your member list. (=

Q&A

Q: FUCK YEAH. About time Cole. Do you like my mom?SKY
A: Is she still an alcoholic moving from relationship to the next? If so, probably not. Sorry.

Q: how big are your pants really ?
A: Big enough to fit me?

Q: I feel it must be a great thing to know you.
A: It is!

Q: cole can i have your babies ?
A: Maybe. I mean, so many people want to have my spawn; you’ll just have to take a number and wait like everyone else.

Q: For Breakfast ?
A: That’s cannibalism my dear, children and…

Q: You know me its ben ?
A: I do now!

About time, don’t cha think?

hearing: Garbage “Queer”
feeling: sore
wanting: Rian!

I did something today which I don’t normally do anymore: burn a CD. I really like it. Burning CD’s it sometimes such a chore because I have to find the perfect mix of songs and then the perfect order of them, but this one turned out well.

Sexy
01. Garbage – “Queer”
02. Kill Hannah – “Kennedy”
03. The Azoic – “Progression (The Strand Remix)”
04. Emiliana Torrini – “Easy”
05. Bonnie McKee – “Trouble”
06. Madonna – “Justify My Love”
07. i:scintilla – “scin”
08. New Order – “Crystal”
09. Genitorturers – “Asphyxiate”
010. Lenny Kravitz – “Lady”
011. Madonna – “Erotic (Sex Mix)”
012. Garbage – “#1 Crush”

I’m fresh out of the shower and it feels good to be clean. On my days off, I tend to be lazy and not shower as much as I’d like. I’m wearing my new bra with all its push up goodness and my boobs look huge. -l*

Haven’t been up to all that much. Sunday night, I called up Ashley and she took me grocery shopping because we had absolutely no food. Spent more money than planned but we have food and I’ve a few new things as well.

She spent the night and we played this game that I bought (Name That Tune, 80′s Edition), played some video games, watched movies and just hung out. It was very nice. I miss her. Now that she has a job she’ll have money to do stuff (and hopefully pay me back). It’ll be nice to get out of this house more.

Yesterday morning, we watched Kung Fu Master with Wendy. That has got to be the absolutely weirdest movie I have ever seen. I know it’s quite tongue in cheek and comedic, but still, it’s very strange.

Every time I look in the mirror, I want to get a haircut but I’m not sure what I want to do. I guess it’s not the cut itself about which I’m undecided but, rather, the colour. Don’t know whether I want to get regular highlights, darken my hair and then get highlights, darken the hair and then do Rogue-ish highlights in front, or do something completely different.

I think I’ll head to the mall as soon as I’m done with this and invest in some bourbon chicken (yummy) and check out a ring at Zale’s.

It really is a graveyard

hearing: “Fallen Angels”
feeling: insecure & disappointed
wanting: Rian, for things to be “right,” normality, to watch H2G2 again, more series on DVD…

I become easily excited over accomplishing little things: things such as going to the bank or the mall, seeing Mom and Samantha or friends. Working third shift blows because I come home and no one’s up; I could try to salvage the day by going to sleep right away but I’m never tired enough so I stay up a few hours which turns into a few more and by that time there’s no way I can salvage the day, no one is up still and I might be able to get enough sleep. -shrugs*

So when I have a day off I plan all the things I can do, but rarely do them. Third shift sucks but not having a car sucks even more. Seriously. I hate having to rely on people so, more often than not, I stay home, not leaving the house (except for work) for WEEKS at a time. I don’t want to do this. I want to get out; I really, truly, do but it takes so much effort to get out.

The other day, Wendy made this huge deal about wanting to go to the fair today (and by today I mean Saturday) but I didn’t see a reason to because wristband day is tomorrow and since admission is so much I didn’t want to go today and just waste money but she convinced me that the friend who got her in free would do the same to me and I agreed to go. I started becoming excited and this morning I mapped out everything I would do and thought it’d be a good day.

Well, Mom did come over but while she was here, Wendy left without telling me where she was going or for how long or if we were going to the fair. Since I was dead tired, I slept after Mom and Samantha left, which meant no going to the bank either. Perhaps I’ll take a walk over to the Pick n Save branch today.

I woke up, and was excited to see Rian online but AIM has been being an uber bitch so my mood just went downhill from there. Messages were being lost and by the time we could finally talk on MSN, the IM “atmosphere” was all wrong and I spent the entire time struggling with that and the fact that, recently, I’ve been insanely insecure.

I was talking to Ashe all the while and that really didn’t help. Turns out none of my friends want to go to the fair for the same reason I do: the rides. Hello?! Are you all old? What the fuck is wrong with you? Why can’t I have any fun? It’s bad enough I already missed the 2 concerts I really wanted to see because no one would go with me but this is just like arg. Why is having fun so difficult?

So it’s 5 am and I’m wide awake. I’ve already done most of the dishes, washed and put away my clothes and done the typical things I did on the internet. We need food and I wouldn’t mind growing shopping; hell, right now I wouldn’t mind walking, but there’s no one with whom to go. Maybe if Wausau were just a bit bigger there’d be something to do and someone with whom to do it, but it isn’t and there isn’t and it sucks.

I actually feel like updating the site a bit now so we’ll see what I can do.

Part II

hearing: Heather Nova – Gloomy Sunday
feeling: tired/horny/sore
wanting: Rian

So I talked to Randy yesterday, and it really was him. We discussed how Patricia stole his MSN account, how their marriage was doomed from the getgo, an “incident” and he confessed the both of them to have their psycho “moments.” It seems they’re both victims and criminals to themselves and eachother. Sad. People do deserve happiness but no one said marriage – or life, for that face – was easy.

Onto another topic, something has piqued my interest in BDSM and D/s again so I’ll probably be spending more time focusing on that and hopefully expanding my knowledge and myself as an individual.

Have a few layout ideas but i’m currently working on the sex section. Time flies more when I work on the site than during any other internet activity so it takes a lot of motivation for me to sit down and work on a few pages. Plus, it’s difficult to organize my thoughts.

The fair is in town and I want to go to a few concerts plus attend wristband day on Sunday which will work out since I have Saturday off.

Rian is now in Japan and I miss him already! I hope communication isn’t too severely severed but I guess we’ll see. )=

Another cashier at work has been telling people about “Poor Nicole” who just married and her husband is “so mean” to her. -lmfao* Poor abused me, eh? I think she just misunderstood when I was talking about Tim being an asshole but, still, she has no right to talk about my personal life amongst others, especially at work and when I work with family members, who knows what will travel at the speed of sound. I’ll try to talk to her tonight, if she’s working.

anyway, I’m tired and since one of the concerts I want to see is tonight, I should sleep.