The Scrolls

Archive for May, 2005

Bitch and Moan

“They don’t even have sex! How are they going to use the internet?” – Me

Happy Birthday to me! Actually, unhappy birthday. I got my period, work sucked, all my friends went camping without me, I’m not talking to Rian, the grocery store sucks, my belt loop broke, I’m tired and I’m wasting my life.

On the bright side: mom’s buying me a Scooby Doo cake and bringing over Samantha, today. I came home to the best voice mail ever.

<3 The search page now works. I'm alive, in love, able to support myself and have the internet. Heh.

Let me point out a few key cons to today/last night, though.

Ashley disappears and I found out from her mom she’s camping at Nathaniel’s Grandpa’s. She returns and obviously doesn’t realize she’s not told me she went comping and proceeds to tell me that she went with Christina, Joe, Jay, Tameka, etc.. Well, it was nice to be invited. I know, I know. I couldn’t go but not telling me was pretty sucky of them and I’m curious as to whether or not I’ll get a birthday card/e-mail/call from anyone or if Christina will even stop in before she leaves.

Last night I figured I have just enough time to run to the store and buy some milk so I can have cereal for my breakfast/supper thing. Weeeell, the cashier is all “Is the checking account 2 years old” to which I tell her yes and then she’s all “We don’t accept checks from your bank.” WTF? I know as a cashier that I can try to argue with her that my account exists and I have funds or that I can become belligerent, create a scene, and try to intimidate her into accepting my check, which will be a bad idea. Either way, I had no milk and no time to run home to get my “check card” which she told me I could use, twice. Honey, I brought checks for a reason, you know. I’m actually going to grab my card, get the milk, and talk to the manager after I post this.

At work I realized that I’m 19 and working a full time job which makes me bitchy, without fail, every single day and hinders my social life and there is no point to this all. I dread going to work and I spend half my time at home bitching about it. I spend half my time at work bitching about it. By it, I mean the cow. I’d spend all my time bitching but sometimes she’s actually within earshot. I’m not in school and while I know I should be saving my money, I’m not entirely sure why I’m saving it. I have no clear goal.

I’ve recently decided that college definitely is what I want to do, again. This is good. I don’t know why I ever would have though that college wasn’t in my best interests. It will be difficult, yes, but I cannot allow myself to do this every day. I work and I sleep and I have very little time for friends and no motivation to even see them. I’m not entirely sure if I still want to go for webdesign. Maybe later on. I love it as a hobby and I definitely want to learn more. Hell, I’d be willing to shell out the money just to go to school to learn more about it, but I think that even though going to the school I had picked, or even one like it, will not work out in my immediate future. By immediate future, I mean any time in, say, the next 10 years.

Part of the reason for that is money, of course, but also time and my commitment to Rian. Although it’s apparent now that my life shouldn’t hinge on him and that if ‘we’ must wait, so be it. I think I’m so “hinged” because getting married is much more tangible than going to college right now. However, since my change of heart about what degree I’d like to pursue, I could see where marrying might actually help me go to college.

You see, I think I really would like to work with makeup. It seems to be pretty obvious to me, now. I imagine Japan would have a few beauty schools and I can only imagine the awesomeness of this. Additionally, it would be so much cheaper and less time consuming that going for a degree in visual communications, right away. I’m not really sure if this is practical at all but it seems so much more appealing to me. It’s certainly something to think about, anyway. (And how much you wanna bet that Wendy would so totally move to Tokyo? XD)

I just don’t want to be wasting away here in Wausau. I’m not even having any fun like a normal teenager and my current situation really won’t allow me to. College would still be a bit off but there’s a few things I can do to remedy my current situation, like getting my license. Weeee.

Anyway, off to the store now.

Ugh.

I am so tired of all this false patriotism and that’s just what it is: false. Can we say Toby Keith anyone? This seriously bothers me. He’s selling records and visiting troops and he knows, he knows, that it makes him look good. He knows it helps sales. He knows he’s packing on board all those gung-ho, blow ‘em up, I <3 America fans. Only, they don't. They think he's freaking God's gift to country music, or something.

But this isn’t really about him. This is about all those fans of his and people like them who are off lecturing about America the beautiful and how if we don’t like it we can leave, yadda yadda yadda. If only it were so simple. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll probably sound quite Anti-American here but the truth of the matter is, I’m not. I just see the downfalls where others turn their cheek.

While we have that freedom thing going on, it does have a cost and it’s not just soldiers’ lives. (and it’s no secret that I don’t think this whole “Iraqi Freedom” thing has anything to do with anyones’ freedom). It has a monetary cost and it’s the American people who are suffering it. I can name several of the larger problems which the country has and almost all of them have money at the root: health care, social security, the penal system, education, poverty, etc.

So don’t go sporting your “I <3 America" hat/coat/bumper sticker/what-have-you to me. I'll only think you an idiot because of it. If you can't step back and see what's wrong with this country, what right do you have to be doing that? If you're too blind or ignorant to see that the US is not perfect, I really don't think you have anything to contribute to the discussion.

I don’t want to see your false patriotism. I don’t want you to lecture about giving honour where it’s due, nor do I want to help you shut down a website which bashes soldiers (this violating of our freedom of speech is unconstitutional). I want you to shut the hell up until you can open your eyes. Then, you can tell me about your America the beautiful.

Random-ness

hearing: Nirvana
feeling: cold
wanting: sleep
Work was okay last night. Apparently the cow will be out until the 29th because of her back but she came in tonight to say good bye to Mike. She looks old and crazy and part of me hopes this will make her quit. -sl*

Mom and Samantha were in the store so I got to hold the baby after the meeting. We finished everything and save for a few minor incidents, nothing really went wrong, for once. I’m just a little annoyed with Deb.

I’m a bit disappointed with the reaction to the site, I guess. I know it’s difficult to gain visitors and a following and it will take time but I’d forgotten the social stigma of having a website. It’s like high school, no, middle school with all the cliques and wanting to be accepted and all that jazz. Well, I do hope the site will do well. I’ve updated some of the splash content. I’m beginning to be annoyed with the search script. How freakin’ long does it take to index?

I’m thinking Japan would have some really neat cosmetology schools, no? And a degree in that probably wouldn’t take that long to earn. -hmmms-

I’ll answer a question here:
Q: Marry me pwetty pweety pweeze?
A: Of course!

I’m baaaack!

hearing: the radio
feeling: uber hot
wanting: the night off

It sure took me long enough, no? It’s been almost a year and, sadly, the site probably looks no better, layout-wise at least. I don’t think it turned out to be the completely transformation for which I was hoping. However, there have been several significant changes within myself which will make for your better viewing pleasure and my improved maintaining pleasure. d=

For starters, I have motivation to do the site. It was becoming too much of a chore for me and that’s one of the main reasons it took so long to get this thing up. After I really fell into the groove of things again, I found it difficult to stop and walk away from the computer. I realized that I didn’t really want to put up the site because then I’d stop working on it, for a bit. What does this mean to you? Hopefully more content and more updated content more frequently.

Furthermore, while the site was down, I spend time journaling at LJ and, for once, I found that I was actually journaling. Nothing related to the site and it was much more therapeutic. I didn’t have to worry about too many people seeing something too personal. My solution for this is to do the majority of my blogging here but take anything too personal to my livejournal and make it friends only. Thus, if you’re interested, you’ll need a livejournal account and you’ll need to friend me there. This, hopefully, will not last long as I intend to install WordPress soon-ish.
Also, I’ve found that I’ve become more creative again. I’ve been writing poetry and.. stuff.. again. I’ve more ideas for content and layouts. I’m more comfortable with having those ideas. Before, I would never measure up to my own standards and would tired of any attempts at anything, very quickly. Now I know that I can only go my own pace and if I continue to look down upon all my efforts in such a way, it won’t help.
With that said, here is a complete list of everything new and updated:

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