The Scrolls

Archive for June, 2004

Computers & Companions

It seems this week I have been spending much time with old friends, and that is a great thing. Yesterday Ashe and I were going to drive out to Amanda’s grave and my old school, but her mom wouldn’t let her. Wouldn’t you know that was a stroke of luck to counteract my bad luck.

I was working on the layout for the new domain when the computer froze and upon restarting it, it gave me an error message about not being able to load my user profile because something was corrupt. Yadda yadda yadda. All my settings are gone and it has reverted to the default windows profile. Although all my stuff is still there (and some of it a little difficult to find) I need to restore my computer completely. I cannot change Windows settings, nor can I change any other settings.

Thus I have been sitting here burning cd’s, and I just need to finish burning all my music and I’ll be ready. I am not looking forward to having to reinstall all the programs and such that I use, but perhaps the computer will run a little better and some of the problems I have been having will stop.

This is extremely aggrivating, and untimely because I want to work on the new domain. However, when Ashe came over and I discovered what my computer was doing we went to fetch Ben, because Ben can fix everything.. or not. It seems he didn’t quite know what to do about this, but it’s okay because I would not want to continue working with the system like this. I couldn’t be sure if something else were to happen, and in any case it’s best to stop while I’m ahead and still have everything.

So Ben came over and looked at the computer along with eyeing up my monitor. -grins* We then went back to Ben’s where he got a movie and returned to Ashe’s to watch it. She was practically sleeping by the time it was done and I had a headache. We walked back to Ben’s and the plan was that he would drive me home, but instead we stayed at his house and talked. To make a long story short I wound up spending the night because we talked into the wee morning hours. He’s a good guy, I think.

Anyway, this computer’s a mess and something went wrong with the last Cd I burned. -mutters* Hopefully things will be solved soon. Wish me luck.

Sorrow

Tomorrow is Amanda’s birthday and she would have been 16.

Spending time with Sav

hearing: Xtina
feeling: warm
wanting: Rian (and a shower)

There’s something extremely rewarding about spending time with an old friend, with whom you haven’t done anything in a while. Last nigh I went over to my friend Sav’s house and we watched movies, talked, and just hung out. It was nice because I used to go over there quite often and sometimes would stay for days and she’s just a great person with whom to be.

She has a very creative outlook (and I mean that entirely positively) and the way she looks at things is refreshing. She’s one of the few people whom I believe when she says things about me. It can be a great boost of ego, and sometimes do the exact opposite, but the past day has been a lot of fun.

When I’m with her my crazy ideas don’t seem to crazy and I feel a little bit more bold than I usually do. She doesn’t embarrass easily and does things that might embarrass her if she were someone else, but she’s not and for that I am glad. I generally am not embarrassed by her because we share some very deep bonds, I think. She hasn’t always lived here and I think part of her mindset comes from where she used to live. I’m not sure where from whence some of my ideas come because I have always lived here. I must just be destined for something bigger. -s*

Anyway, today we saw a movie, The Stepford wives. I didn’t really know anything about it, but she wanted to see it and it sounded okay. It was a pretty good movie with both strong male and female leads, along with a great performance by Bette Midler. I just loved her character. So, I suggest that if you’re bored and look for a movie to see, go watch that. (=

I also brought over some disks with spyware killers because some form of spyware reset her resolution and she had spyware all over the place, I guess. I adjusted the resolution, which was a little tricky because it was set so low that I couldn’t see it, but with a stroke of luck it worked. We rid her computer of about 500 different pieces of spyware and now it seems to be working much better. After her mom returned home, she paid me for that which was really nice.

Eventually we wound up going home and on the way Jerry (Sav’s mom’s boyfriend) asked if we wanted to stop someplace, so we went to Burger King. Sav paid (just like the movie) and we ordered. We also took some of the little crowns and then it was a few more blocks until home.

Home is nice because I need a shower, but Sav’s house is also nice. It was a little messy which made it feel comfortable and lived in, which I prefer over houses that have plastic on the furniture. Besides, they have a new puppy and I’m sure he helped make some of the mess. d= It also has a very nice smell which I couldn’t help but notice all today.

I’m quite odd like that sometimes, but it’s okay. As I said earlier today, I feel really me these days.

a REAL blog

hearing: Christina A
feeling: sore
wanting: Rian
There is only one subject about which I can speak subjectively: my cat. I accredit this to my lost childhood, but we all have our own sob stories so I won’t go into it. I’ll just say that I wish sometimes I could express the emotions I feel about certain things, because no matter if I’m speaking of my boyfriend, my friends, or my favourite band, I always come off quite matter of factly.

It’s difficult to speak with emotion, because I’m afraid of sounding sentimental when I’m striving for sensitive, but here goes.

I miss Rian, a lot. When I say a lot I can guarantee that you have no idea just how much I am pining for this boy. I realize he’s one of the very few people I talked to on a regular basis, and now more than ever I have empty time on my hands and nothing to do.

I’ve been going to sleep early, and waking up early because of this. I’ve watched so many movies, it’s insane and it’s just to fill the time. Right now I really wish I had a job, not just for money but for something to do and for the social aspects as well. I’ve been dreaming about working and these dreams have been emotion-filled. I feel as though I haven’t been trying hard enough, but I’m not sure what else I can do about it. I fill out applications, turn them in, call back in a few days.. and still, nothing. -sigh*

I’ve seen a lot of Ashe lately, which is okay but she can become annoying quickly. I dislike going to her house because she watches clips of rock stars whom I am not entirely interested in, or movies that suck. She also spends a lot of time online or whining about how she can’t talk to Max which isn’t too much fun for me, although we have talked to him on mic and he’s a pretty nice guy.

I really can’t handle it when my friends whine, partly because I don’t know what to say to make it better and partly because I just don’t care. Sometimes I seem so removed from my own life, as though I could just up and leave without ever returning and be fine. That scares me because without these people, I have no one and I know they’d feel betrayed to know this. I’m bad at tense situations, anyway. I am the joker and I often tell jokes at inappropriate moments, but I cannot help it.

I am so incredibly bored, and I cannot stand it. Today Ashe and Wendy came over and we took the dogs for a walk. Walking with the dogs is fun but I really wouldn’t want to walk them by myself because it either means two trips or one very dangerous walk with both dogs. -laughs* The dogs enjoyed it immensely.

I like taking walks a lot, more than everyone I know and I don’t know why. I like the movement and how I can slow down to the pace of my thoughts, or the beat of music. I have insanely strong calf muscles, and they’re one of my favourite things on my body. I bought some new shoes that are pink and beige-ish so while I walk I’ll be trying to keep them clean. They’re very cute and so far breaking them in has been relatively painless, except for some toe cramps today. -lol*

I also went to Ben’s today and that was fun. I didn’t feel as though he was dragging me along which is how I feel with some people. It was rather comfortable and we watched Kill Bill. It was fine overall, but I hadn’t realized how gory it was going to be. I think Tarantino is just a liiittle full of himself, though and would like to see less of that in his future films.

I’ve been seriously thinking about my new domains. I am reluctant to let this name go because I’ve had it for two years and people recognize it, but I think I’ve outgrown it. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if I ever really fit it. However, I should not spend too much time second guessing myself because that can only lead to bad things. So, I believe this is where the entry shall end and perhaps I’ll be able to write again soon. It’s much better when I actually write how I feel. It feels much more cathartic.

Why am I up?

hearing: Construction
feeling: Cold
wanting: A shower
Ben will be over soon and we’ll be discussing possible hosting in the near future. I’m almost certain that when this domain runs up (July 10), I won’t be renewing the name. However, I will be getting another domain. So, as of late, I have been looking at other hosting companies and such. I like mine, a lot, and I have been with them for two years, but if there’s something a little better (and cheaper) I’d be willing to look at it.

I’ve had this insane sleeping schedule lately. At first when school let out I was going to bed late and waking up even later, which works fine for me, but then one day I decided to stay up all night which resulted in me going to sleep sometime in the early afternoon and waking up at like 2 am. Of course, when one wakes up at 2 am, one tends to go to sleep a little earlier, and then wake up extremely early again. All this means I have been going to sleep between 9 and 10 pm and waking up between 6 and 7 am. -blinks* I could never wake up that early when I had to go to school! -lol*

The college thing is.. iffy. If they accept my newest coborrower, I may be able to switch to the October start date and, given I find a job soon, I’d be able to make that work. However, they have already rejected 3 coborrowers. Apparently housing only received one of the two checks, so Tim has to send another one, but his bank doesn’t even have record of the one they say the got, so he could just be paying what they already received and just didn’t keep track of. -f*

I am still looking for a job. Everyplace I have applied and called back said that they are “looking through applications.” Well, except for Fleet Farm: they put a note on it. -lol* I’m going to apply at Walmart sometime soon, and most likely the Healthcare Center, too. First, I need to take a shower.

I have also updated the poll.

Cute ^_^

You are a Death Metal Psycho. In areas of
brutality and hatred where others fear to
tread, that’s where you find enjoyment – the
realm of death metal. You’re one violent
motherfucker, and you like music that fits
that; brutal snarling death is the best, but
anything with enough aggression and good riffs
works. Concerts are a great place to take out
some of that aggression, hear some kick-ass
music, and of course get drunk. You’re
generally pretty cool with the rest of the
scenes, but if they piss you off, there’s some
serious pain coming their way. Especially if
they talk shit about Chuck.

What Kind of Metalhead Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

my new hit single! available in stores!

hearing: nickleback
feeling: silly

another penguin wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn

One day I was walking down the street and then
i heard a cat call from a mighty fine penguin
i knew this was only a game i could win
so we went and got a room at the holiday inn

another penguins wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn

these days that penguin’s out the door
but ive seen seven more!
some people call more a whore
at least my job aint a chore

another penguin wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn

well 38 and four fifths penguins later, i had an std
i knew sooner or later a penguin would lie to me
didnt have time to ask how this could be
the doctor also told me to expect a baby

another penguin wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn

but now, i’m all alone
ain’t got no place to go home
next time another penguin wants my body
i’ll surely tell him no

another penguin wants my body
can’t help it that i’m such a hottie
the way he looks at me makes me wanna get naughty
with another penguuuiiiiiiiiinnnnn